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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Will he ever talk to me again?

65 replies

DollyJM · 27/05/2020 13:40

I broke up with my boyfriend a week and a half ago and he last messaged me on Thursday at 2am to let me know he was ok after I asked him if he was as I was told he was withdrawn from everyone after break up.

I replied to him after that but I haven’t heard from him since, a week almost.. will I ever hear from him again?

I regret ending things with him 💔

OP posts:
123Pandora · 27/05/2020 20:29

You've made your bed, lye in it! You can't just mess with people's feelings just because you've changed your mind. If he takes you back then more fool him!!!

bigchris · 27/05/2020 20:44

Good luck, you can certainly try

My friend got divorced went off with someone else and then 2 years later remarried her ex husband so it might not be the end of it,they now have 2 children and grandchildren !

amy85 · 27/05/2020 20:53

You dumped him why would he want to contact you again....time to.move on

Leicester5 · 27/05/2020 21:51

I know it's painful, but you've given it a last shot and you have to respect his decision if he wants to move on now.

AramintaLee · 27/05/2020 22:05

I think you need to leave him be and let him come to you. You've apologised and told him your regrets and even if he's not replied, he's probably seen the messages. I imagine he's letting you stew whilst he gives himself time to think about what he wants. I think you owe him this much.

If he does come back to you, make sure you learn your lesson about ending things rashly in the heat of the moment. It's devastating when someone breaks up with you and very confusing when they decide they didn't mean it and they did it because they were angry (literally had this done to me a few weeks ago and I'm still feeling sore about it)

Original poster
DollyJM · 27/05/2020 22:14

Yeah I’m not going to message him again after the one I sent this afternoon
He hasn’t replied to that one either (yet) I have said sorry, told him how I feel, how I miss him and hoping we can talk and be adults and sort it out (in previous texts & this one) but I haven’t heard from him yet
I really hope he messages me in time
This is horrible 😔 I know I broke up with him but I’m really really upset and showing him just what he means to me and now he’s ghosted me as he can’t even send a text back 😔

OP posts:
Dery · 27/05/2020 22:55

It may have been a mistake ending it in the heat of the moment but he seems to have seized upon what you said and to be determined to remain split up. I don’t think this is all on you. Do you think he was maybe looking to end it himself and you just saved him the trouble? It sounds a bit that way - particularly if you argued a lot.

It’s hard now, OP, but you will get over this.

lilacbeloved · 27/05/2020 22:57

OP I've gotten out of a relationship with a guy who ended it with me every single time we argued. It was a head fuck and completely destroyed my confidence and I was on edge all the time it was going to happen again every time we made up.

I'd leave it if I was you x

Leicester5 · 27/05/2020 23:04

I'd have a little cry, a nice bath, speak to some friends then find something to distract yourself with like learning something new.

Original poster
DollyJM · 27/05/2020 23:07

@Dery maybe yeah 😔 it’s just really sad because I think he probably knows I didn’t mean it as I wanted to sort things out straight away but he just went cold turkey and I haven’t heard from him since x

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2020 23:16

You might need to accept the fact that he's realised it's good the relationship is over and that he's not interested in speaking again. I would leave him alone.

Dery · 27/05/2020 23:16

Yes - that’s what makes me think he may have been looking to end things himself.

@Leicester5’s advice is very good.

Original poster
DollyJM · 27/05/2020 23:35

I don’t want to sound naive at all but is it at all possible he’s doing the no contact rule for a time period but will contact me eventually? I don’t know if guys actually do this x

OP posts:
Crystalspider · 27/05/2020 23:43

Please don't get into the mindset on waiting for him to come back to you with a no contact rule, it's not healthy, feel sad but you need to move on.

Original poster
DollyJM · 28/05/2020 07:34

A couple of my friends think he just needs time but he will contact me again, a couple of friends don’t think he will, and I’ve read that the less you message the more likely he is to reply?
My head is frazzled I just want him to message me 😔

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 28/05/2020 07:48

This is a harsh way to learn the important lesson that you can’t just do and say what you want in the heat of the moment and then expect to un-do it with the “I was just so angry” defence.

I don’t blame him one bit for not wanting anything to do with you. He’s probably imagining the future with you where you pull this stunt regularly - why would he want that drama in his life? And now he clearly doesn’t want to talk to you yet you’ve texted him repeatedly- you’re not showing much respect for him there tbh.

Grobagsforever · 28/05/2020 07:52

Perhaps you should write a letter as he's quite possibly blocked you

sammylady37 · 28/05/2020 08:03

Perhaps you should write a letter as he's quite possibly blocked you

He’s made it perfectly clear he doesn’t want to be in contact with her. Why should she continue to hassle and harass him like this?

At the risk of trotting out a MN cliche, if she was posting that her bf was doing what she was doing, imagine the responses she’d get and what would be said about him.

Boogiewoogietoo · 28/05/2020 08:06

I would not contact him again. At the moment he knows you are regretting it and he has the option to come back, he may be trying to teach you a lesson by not running back or he may simply not be interested in trying again.

Either way there’s nothing to be gained by texting him again. Give him time to miss you and wonder whether you’re thinking about him and what you’re up to.

Original poster
DollyJM · 28/05/2020 08:08

Ok thanks everyone
I know it’s my mistake 😫

OP posts:
Original poster
DollyJM · 28/05/2020 10:35

He’s not texted me back but I uploaded a Facebook story this morning and he viewed it instantly? Why is he doing this but not texting back? Does this mean he will eventually contact me?

OP posts:
noyoucannotcomein · 28/05/2020 10:42

No, it doesn't.

Perhaps take a break from SM for a while.

Leicester5 · 28/05/2020 10:55

It just means he's read it or skimmed it. Perhaps he was worried you'd mentioned him.

You sound a bit frenzied, is there anyone you can talk to IRL?

MitziK · 28/05/2020 12:51

Nobody dumps me and gets a second chance to do it to me again.

I don't dump anybody unless I mean it. If I say it's over, it is fucking over, I'm done.

Fuck those stupid mind games.

Good on him for having boundaries.

Zaphodsotherhead · 28/05/2020 12:54

Please don't get into the teenage 'he looked at my picture - does this mean he likes me?' kind of spiral? That way madness lies (unless you are about twelve, in that case, that way maturity lies). You are, presumably, too old for all this 'he did this...what does it MEAN' stuff.

If he wants to be in touch, he knows where you live and how to get in touch with you. If he hasn't, it's because he doesn't want to.

Stop the drama. Forget him. Move on.

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