How do I stop feeling angry

[Willowmartha1]

I know I shouldn't feel a angry but I do ! Met someone before lockdown had a couple of dates and have kept in touch ever since but the last two days I've had no contact. He was full of big plans for when lockdown was over and I feel cheated and angry that he has just cut off contact without no explanation. I feel like angrily messaging him and saying 'remember me' but then I make myself look silly and I don't want to give him the satisfaction that I'm even bothered !!

Just message him fgs, if he doesn't reply, you're no worse off than you are now, in fact you're better off as it's clearer.

Maybe he feels he’s obliged to contact you and is just trying to reset it. It is a bit much to have daily contact, and as said maybe he feels he’s expected to.

I don’t think you’re a bit miffed, I think you’re really pissed off and you’re online stalking him to see if she’s online.

It’s really not ok, it’s too much op. It’s all a bit desperate. You need to pull back here.

I also feel that even though there's a work or life crisis you can still find time to contact someone.

I have two issues with this. Firstly, you haven't made the effort to contact him yourself, so you are hardly.on a position to criticise. For all you know, he could be a bit fed up with the one that has to be 'first' and might have decided to back off, drop the rope and see how long it takes you to pick up the other end.

Secondly if someone is in the middle of a crisis then expecting them to make contact with you seems a little tone deaf. If I'd been on a couple.of dates with someone and then messaging since, then it would still be pretty casual - and someone that I didn't know well. If something drastic happened - a family illness or bereavement - then a casual date wouldn't be on the top of my contact list. In fact they probably wouldn't feature at all.

I wonder if you have come across as a bit too intense for someone that you've only met a couple of times. And he's now trying to back off because it's become a bit much. And TBH your reaction shows he's probably right to do so as instead of sending him a message, you're monitoring him online and venting on MN.

He was probably also messaging others and has decided he likes them more. It is crap but I would just try and think it was only a few dates

That's all fine but it was him that told all his friends about me when we only just met and said I love you (in a jokey way) and darling this and honey that at every chance so it's just a bit odd !!

For all you know, he could be a bit fed up with the one that has to be 'first' and might have decided to back off, drop the rope and see how long it takes you to pick up the other end.

This.

He’s not heard from you in two days either. Just message him, something mundane like ‘what you up to today’, THEN if he doesn’t reply you can be miffed.

I sent him a funny video on Saturday night and got back 'oh dear' which I thought was an odd response !!

It's lockdown. He's bored of the situation as it's not going anywhere. I don't blame him.

Now isn't the right time for a new relationship to start, especially if you've barely seen each other in person.

I think it is likely he has got chatting to someone else. This happened to me about 4 weeks into lockdown - constant messaging, memes, videos then one day he stopped and didnt message for nearly a week. He then got back in contact and was all breezy and like 'hi babe, sorry I haven't been in touch' and made some excuse about not knowing what he wanted etc. I asked him if he was talking to someone else and he said 'yes. I'm sorry'. So that was the end of that and I was pissed off. But thinking back, he didnt owe me anything and that's just the way it goes. I think we fall for what we thought it was going to be but actually, it's not real and you dont really know him. I know it feels crap but I would move on X

Aha...reading more of your posts I think I know what this is.

It's the ghost test.

They vanish for a period of time with no excuse. And then they come back with no, or poor excuses. To test to see if you will just let it slide and let things go back to the way things are.

You're probably dealing with a narcissist or similar (which would explain the intensity of things too) ...sorry.

Delete and block him, don't give him an in.

That's all fine but it was him that told all his friends about me when we only just met and said I love you (in a jokey way) and darling this and honey that at every chance so it's just a bit odd!!

You are reading far too much into this. It's not unusual to tell your mates if you've started seeing someone new. It's also not unusual to use terms of endearment.

If you like him that much then why not message him?

*way things were

@Bunnymumy maybe. But I've seen posts on here before bemoaning the fact that the OP (in those cases) is always the first one to make contact. And normally the advice is to drop the rope and see if the other person is invested enough to pick it up.

It's disappointing for sure. Lockdown is so boring and losing anything entertaining makes it even more so.

I would say message one more time if you didn't instigate the last chat. But honestly you need to get some perspective - if he doesn't message back who cares? You don't know him, he's nobody really. If you can't get into this frame of mind then don't message.

That's true, it could be he feels he was the one making the effort...

But that whole 'I've told my friends about you're and home in contact sending her stuff throughout the day makes me wonder if that was love bombing.

Which makes me think this sudden vanishing is a narcissist test.

Really no way to know on the info we have though.

Either could be pos.

*Not really sure what the word home was meant to be there xD

@legallybeachblonde maybe you're the other woman ha ha !!

I sent him a funny video on Saturday night and got back 'oh dear' which I thought was an odd response !!
If I’d responded in that way it would probably mean I didn’t find it amusing, quite possibly not my humour or even maybe distasteful

It certainly wasn't anything distasteful ! Some of the stuff he has sent me in the past has been but I've just politely sent him a laughing emoji as a reaction. Just not like him to respond in that cold way.

Definitely not me! I've come off OLD until after lockdown 😂

We didn't meet through OLD we met in a pub !!!

He doesn't seem worthy of any more of your time worrying about this, he's probably an attention seeker, came on strong and for whatever reason it no longer serves him, could it be possible he already has a gf/wife? but if he's not contacting you and only makes half hearted short responses when you contact him, then I'm afraid he's not interested.
Don't feed his ego by contacting him anymore, let it be. I hope you go on to find someone better for you.

Regardless of who think you're being 'needy' (), you have your own likes and dislikes and requirements for you to be happy in a relationship. If you like to be contacted regularly, find somebody who likes to contact you regularly. You're entitled to want consistency - he was the one who started messaging every day and acting like he enjoyed it as much as you did.

If you message him to ask what happened, I would put big money on him saying 'it's only been a couple of days, calm down, back off', something like that. I would almost say yes text him just so he can prove that to you and you can move on. He's being a dick. But I don't think it's worth your emotions to send something and wait for a nasty response or none at all.

You will feel so much better about all of this if you block him. It doesn't matter who on here thinks you're being unreasonable. You have your own standards to think about. You won't be hurting the poor muffin by cutting him out of your life, surely, if he's supposedly not hurting you now?

In fact by some people's logic, even if you do block him, he can't get upset about it for at least two weeks without coming across as needy. So win-win!

Send a message are you ok