Oh God, what have I done?

[Observer123]

On Saturday, I told my DP of 10 years that i wanted to separate. Today, we were discussing the ins and outs of selling the house. What jobs we would have to do, how we were going to divide up the furniture, where we were each going to live afterwards. I just crumbled. I haven't stopped crying, have had to pull myself back from a panic attack 3 times tonight, and I feel physically sick to my stomach.

I don't know if I want to do this anymore. Yes we've got our problems, but our relationship on the whole isn't awful. I love him. So much. I made a list a few weeks ago of all the negative things in our relationship, and what the positives would be if we split. I'm reading them back now and it's like someone else has written them about someone's else's relationship.

I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I know only I can make this decision, I'm really just looking for a hand hold

Surely my extreme emotional reaction means I'm not 100% sure about splitting? When I ended things on Saturday, I expected to feel relief. Instead, I was just numb.

Sorry, everyone. I'm not really sure what the point was of this post. I just needed to get it out.

@KellyHall

You have to leave. It's crap, I know.

Do it in your own time, though. You make the rules. Do it in a way that respects your own needs.

Op, great that you are giving yourself time to think. Reading your posts made me wonder: How is your DH's mental health? Chronic procrastination can be a sign of depression (often missed because people often only link depression to suicidal tendencies) or ADHD and/or a range of other MH issues including being a form of (Mal) adaptation for stress management. Not saying this is the case here but it might be worth exploring. Chronic procrastination is also often mistaken for laziness, which might or might not be the case here.
The challenge can be that in such cases people with this can still procrastinate about seeking help but it can help them understand what is going on and manage it
Am also curious as to why you are reluctant to help him. You say you were never taught and so you seem to feel he too has to reach his (or rather your) Eureka without support. I wonder what is in it for you (in choosing this path). Perhaps it then makes you feel (more of) an achiever? (Am trying to put this in the nicest way possible). If so, worth exploring why this sense of achievement seemingly based on not supporting someone appeals to you? Where are you deriving your sense of self worth? Are you often in relationships based on competition/winning rather than supportive? I wonder what this super high achieving you (you say your standards are high) does to the "underachieving" him, mentally? Probably scares him and so more procrastination/'laziness". And the cycle continues.

Am not saying you are wrong. You might just be incompatible. I can't imagine how frustrating being with such a partner must be (dreams permanently on hold, time running out etc) nor am I saying don't leave. Am just saying there is quite a bit to explore here, best done with a counsellor may be. Good luck in whatever decision you make and stay strong.

The panic is the fear of the unknown. You know what your life is like with him and it’s not too bad. But you don’t know what your life will be like without him. Don’t let fear hold you back. You’ve tried your relationship, it’s not working. It’s time to try something new.