Is he doing cocaine?

[sohelpmegod]

Bit direct here, but I believe hubby is doing cocaine and I actually need advice, I may be paranoid or there may be a perfectly logical explanation....
Reasons I believe he's on coke- he's anxious, has tummy troubles, sinus problems, I always see tissues in the bin with like bloody snot, bit paranoid, bit defensive and is a bit of an alcoholic. When he drinks sometimes i kiss him and I can smell coke (also I sometimes catch him and he's super shifty!!!) but I just can't rationalise that he's doing coke whilst were watching 'gavin and stacey' for example just having a couple of glasses of wine?

Anyone been in a similar situation? X

Does he have a huge history with coke?? To jump straight to taking coke is a huge jump if there's no history.

You'd have to be a fairly heavy user to be taking it to sit at home and watch tv! Couldn't think of a bigger waste of money and a buzz than watching tv on coke. That'd be past a habit and more an addiction to be doing that. .

Sorry op you sound a bit paranoid yourself. Coke doesn't have a smell, and what the heck does powdered ibuprofen smell like how would you know that?

When he next goes to the loo go and listen to see if you can hear him snort ?

You say you’ve caught him? Caught him taking it? Well that’s a bit of an open and shut case then isn’t it?

Other than that I think it’s amusing people suggesting testing him with food (coke makes some people ravenous) or checking his pupils (maybe for MDMA).

Sure sign of coke is talking like a train. Yes you might be able to smell it.

But from your posts I’m assuming you mean he’s doing this at home with you while on lockdown. If so, why? Not many people get to be such high functioning coke users that they take it daily without any hint of a party happening. It’s a party and performance drug. People take it to party longer and harder. Not so they can really concentrate on Killing Eve.

Also where would be getting it from right now without either being super connected (and therefore a really good customer) and also it would be costing a fortune.

It sounds quite unlikely to me but what you should actually be concerned about is the bit you glossed right over, that he’s a “bit of an alcoholic” because that’s the real problem, not a bit of coke on top.

Cocaine most definitely DOES have a smell! Purer forms smell like petrol but the more mixed it is and the mixing agent involved can dull the scent or make it smell talc like. I'm a past user. The constant nasal issues is definitely the biggest sign. I've had a period of time where my nose was never ever clear or not runny due to using whilst drinking. I second the asking him to pee on a strip right now. He will get very shifty and paranoid if so. He will most likely be telling himself that by the time you order strips he'll have been off it a few days and able to pass

Does coke smell?

Are his pupils dilated? Does he get excited/animated/chatty or intense/paranoid/aggressive? Mood swings? Does he seem to surge with any of the above for under an hour, then taper down, go “to the loo” and come back with renewed aplomb? Does he go out to score all the time? Abnormal sleeping?

In my experience it is very obvious when class A’s are consumed, but then I had a very misspent youth so the signs are easy to spot.

Tbh with something like coke it’d be such an expensive waste for anyone without a proper habit just doing it at home for no reason, doing it alone in lockdown around your family & being nagged/suspected throughout (before anyone points it out I know this can happen) but I’d put my money on something like small doses of ketamine being more likely (I know a couple of family men who do this at home).

Alternatively he could just be shifty as he knows you’re constantly analysing him for signs of illegal intoxication and your loving kisses handily double up as an oblique drug taste test..?

Does he go to sleep after a night where he’s been drinking and having these frequent toilet trips?

Bloody tissues is a sign (if no other apparent medical issues) as is uneasiness,lack of appetite and inability to relax and engage normally such as constant phone scrolling.

But yeah I agree with other posters follow him when he goes to the loo,listen for chopping sounds and sniffing hard in one long go. He’ll also have to put the bag somewhere and the card straw/note which is maybe why he’s shifty when you go up

I see. It sounds like you know him. What would you do if you had evidence?

To be honest it could just be the people I hung around with in my yoof, but I've never known anyone to just do a small amount....and as PP have said, definitely not to just sit in front of the telly! It is eye wateringly expensive, so that would be another give away. I've never noticed a smell either

Thank you everyone, all given me lots of food for thought. And hellayeah I'm a bit paranoid, the situation I just explained has happened maaaaaany times!!

Its hard over a chatroom to get every point across clearly and succintly but i say 'a bit of an alcoholic' in that he's had some trauma in his life and he uses booze for an emotional crutch, rather than what people may associate with being an alcoholic which I think is more extreme versions of being blind drink a lot or drinking everyday type thing. Even saying that some people will disagree with, I just mean if there was a scale he'd be at the lowest end!

@TwistyHair I honestly don't know at this point. I've always said I can deal with what I know, its the limbo land thats torture, but I don't really know what I'm dealing with.
An added complication is that he's just started taking anti depressants and he's been the best he's been in a long time, it's just I dont know what happens when I can smell this and he's acting shifty?

New ads could explain stomach upset (and thus more frequent loo trips), raised anxiety levels and possibly paranoia.

Sinus infection explains bloody tissues.

And I'd been acting 'shifty' if my partner was saying I was using coke on the basis of a smell they remembered from years ago.

What's his history with drugs?

Cocaine has a smell.

It is also very expensive. Op do you have joint bank account? Unless you are very well off then there will be a noticeable hole in finances or a big debt building up if he's doing substantial amounts of coke. Is he shifty about cash?

I think the first step is to ask him outright and then stay silent while he tries to rationalise the things you have noticed. He might well lie but will probably trip himself up if you give him enough time to talk without speaking or filling in gaps for him.

No advice but I used to take C a lot 4 years ago unfortunately and it does have a smell. In his defence Sudafed really reminds me of that smell.

When exH used to do it he looked with a dog chewing a bee. Couldn't get his mouth right.

No smell, he'd just smell like booze, surely?

He would probably need to be going to get it right now as only incredibly stupid/careless/insane dealers would be doing deliveries right now.

So does he go out in the car often? With weird excuses for why?

My ex was an alcoholic who liked coke too. This is why I’m saying it’s alcohol that’s the issue here. Unless you are Daniella Westbrook who I would say is an anomaly among coke users, it’s rarely the coke that’s the real problem.

He only takes it after a drink, right?

That’s your red flag.

My brother used to take coke.Hid it from the family for years.He explained to me that initially he took it so he could stay awake & keep drinking & a party could last for 2 days.Eventually he'd just take it in his room.He needed it just to stay calm.

We did notice that his sleep routine was very mixed up.He could be awake for nights but would eventually sleep for days.He became very paranoid & always seemed to have a cold.
He seems to be off it now but has an off "blip" with the drink.

bit of an alcoholic
takes coke
gets shitty with you
Are there any positives?

How is he the following day?

Ex addict here. There absolutely is a taste and a smell.

Not many people get to be such high functioning coke users that they take it daily without any hint of a party happening. It’s a party and performance drug. People take it to party longer and harder. Not so they can really concentrate on Killing Eve.

While it's true most people use it in the way you've described, there are high functioning users who take it all day every day. I was one. I am ashamed, I was unwell and I have so many regrets. For me it was a mixture of an abusive childhood, success in business which came with sudden access to my own funds with the addition of bipolar.

People who didn't know about drugs thought I was hyper / manic (because I was) but as I was such a user I wasn't as hyper / manic as one would expect by the point i was using every day.

But to people who have spent time around drugs it was embarrassingly obvious. Always "needing" to nip to the loo, colds / hayfever constantly, urgent calls that required me running outside for five minutes etc.

From what you've said OP it sounds glaringly obvious he's doing coke to me, but I'm conscious I'm ever so aware of it due to my shame about my past and so tend to err on the side of someone doing it rather than giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Just wanted to give my perspective.

Addiction is selfish and you cannot be in a healthy relationship with an addict. I say that from the "other" side of it.

Now I'm happy and stable and can love and be loved. I couldn't have got better while I was with someone, even an angel, you need to have no safe place to land in order to really get well.

Well I think you’ll just have to keep monitoring it really. If you need concrete proof then you’ll have to wait a bit. Which will be really hard. Especially if he’s keeping it very hidden.

You have all been ridiculously helpful, thank you everyone! The honesty, opinions, perspectives, really appreciate it all!
At the moment, I have no concrete 'evidence' so I can't act on anything so I'm just going to keep on communicating, giving the benefit of the doubt etc etc, not be 'paranoid' but then also try not be naieve.
All a bit bloody mental to be honest, typed out its horrific!

You can get wee strips off Amazon. I have some experience in this area and it sounds possible.

The mixing of booze and c is a good way to a heart attack or worse.

Just a suggestion....

How about if you said 'you know what, I'd fricking love a line right now - I am soooo bored', and see if he could magically produce some?

You'd know for sure then.

Up to you to decide how you react if he does whip a wrap out.