Heartbroken: who found love after 30?

[heartbrokenandafraid]

I'm in a very dark place right now as my boyfriend has told me he wants to end our two year relationship. He no longer wants to have children, I do. He says he can't live with the guilt of preventing me. We've had a lot of bad luck with various things and he says he's not sure he can handle our relationship at its current stress level. I think he's just worn out and wants out. He says he still loves me, but I'm not sure if I believe him.

I love him more than anything and I can't bear the thought of being with anyone else. Very low and having very dark thoughts.

Please share any stories if you are happily with someone that you met later in life? I'm just about to turn 32.

Thank you 

Sorry you’re going through this.

Better he tells you that now than keeps it quiet, wastes your time and then announces he doesn’t want kids when you’re 40. He’s showing you a lot more respect this way.

Based on that, I’d say he does love you in his own way, he just doesn’t want to waste your time.

I got divorced at 40. Met the love of my life 5 years later. I have never been happier and love every day of my life. It's possible :) and I'm nearly 50 now. Don't give up!

If he didn't want you, more fool him! X

I left my ex after 7 years aged 29, when I realised I didn't want children or my whole future, with him. I felt terrible for him, and grieved the ending of the relationship even though I look back and think he was a nightmare, controlling and unkind but it was the right thing to do.

I met now DH at 30, about a year later. 20 years on, 3 kids. We both wanted the same thing at the same time, and still do.

The heartbreak will pass OP.

I was in the exact same situation as you OP at 32. Had been with my ex husband since I was 20. He kept changing the goal posts, kept me hanging on thinking he wanted kids when we had done xyz then dropped the bombshell when I was 32 he didn't want kids. I was beyond devastated .
It took a few months for me to leave the relationship. I was terrified of the future, worried about being on my own but it was the best thing I did. I spent the next 3 years having a ball with my friends, enjoying life and enjoying being me again ( he had also been controlling) . I met now dh when I was 35 and had our 2 dc at 37 and 40. Best of luck for the future OP. Try to think of it as he has done you a favour as you won't lose any more years like I did. The future might seem scary but it's your for the taking. Wish you all the best of everything.

I was single from 28 until I met my now husband at 35. Just got married (just before lockdown!) at 37. It's such a cliche but I wasn't looking for anyone and we just crossed paths at the right time!

I met dh at 35 married at 38 and started ttc at 37. Neither of us married before or had children. Kissed a fair few frogs. Pick yourself, up do something fun (with friends or family nothing major just maybe a day out or a weeks away- nice hotel and cocktails)then start again. I wish you all the best

32 is not “later in life”. You’ll be totally fine OP, relax.

I have fallen in love 3 time’s between 30-42, including one marriage and 2 dc’s, met Exh at 33 and divorced at 41 so you have plenty of time!

Hi OP. I met my partner just after I turned 31. We're now engaged with a baby on the way and I'm not yet 33 . You'll find someone when you're ready, just believe in yourself.

Left my husband at 35 met my now boyfriend six weeks later and together six years getting married.

I split up with my partner of 8 years when I was 29. Spent 2 years with another guy when I was 35-37 but left him as he decided he didn't want kids. Met my now husband at 38 - had DD at 40 and married at 43.

I remember being affected by my first relationship breakdown for quite a long time as it felt like my whole life had fallen apart. It wasn't fun but the time I spent single put me in a much better place to know myself and eventually meet someone much more suited to me.

Good luck! You will find someone else for sure, but make sure you have some fun in the meantime.

Your young! Time is on your side to start a new!

me- met husband at 36.
Still happy 20 years on, and managed to squeeze kids in!

Meee. Had a miserable lovelife... heartbroken, dumped, cheated on etc. Met DH @35. Married at 38. Had DS @39.

You’ll be okay OP x

I left an 6 year relationship at 32. Arrived back in my home country with a suitcase and no money, no job,broken heart.
I met my partner a year later in January, quickly got pregnant(surprise) and had bought a house by June . Things can change in an instant

I did. Met DH at 35 and we had DS at 38. You'll meet somebody. Don't live in fear. Have fun. He'll come along.

Me, I did! I was lonely all through my twenties as I had a horrible first marriage which was over by the time I was 23 😆 Got with DH when I was 32 and married at 34. It happens.

I was 30 when I met DH. I have friends - several - whose boyfriends kept them hanging on till 35/6 before dropping the bombshell that they weren’t in it for the long haul. I know this is the last thing you think, but he’s done you a favour.
You won’t be ready for a healthy new relationship until you’ve grieved this one. Get therapy if you can afford it to get yourself emotionally healthy and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

One of my friends was with the same guy from age 18 to 28 (he was a bit older than us) They had a house together, and got engaged, but he continually flip-flopped on whether he wanted kids. Eventually it turned out he didn’t, but she had always known she did and he’d been saying what he thought she wanted to hear in order to keep the relationship. She was devastated at the time, but met somebody in her thirties and is now married with 2 lovely children.
You are grieving now for a future you thought you were going to have, sadly that one was just an illusion, but the real future for you could be so much better than you imagine!

Yep, I was married at 22, divorced at 34. Found new love now at 35, and in a much better place. Enjoy being free and single, and do the things you love.

Single for best part of 8 years before I met DH at 35; happy then, happy now!
Lots and lots of time to find someone else if you are only 30.

It’s so so common around your age to end old relationships that started in your twenties as both or one parties have changed considerably. Everyone I know on their second marriage or who are dating again in their late thirties and early forties are much more happier as they have a better sense of self and higher standards.

Breakups are horrific though but you will get there. Xxxx

Thank you so much everyone. I'm hurting really badly right now but your stories are so encouraging and help a lot. Thank you so much xxx

In ten years when you’re married to the love of your life with children, you will be thankful for this. It’s going to hurt for a little while but it will all be okay I promise!! Better he told you now than to waste more years when you could be with someone who never wants to let you go xxx

OP, I know TONS of people who found love after 30, including one of my best friends who had struggled to have any long-term relationships at all and had dated a series of very shitty men. Well, she finally found the love of her life who is a handsome, charming professional athlete from a well-off background - they make a gorgeous couple! I also got together with DH at the age of 32 and ten years later we are happily married with a 6yo. Take the time you need to grieve this relationship but don't make it more than what it was, and then get back out there with an open heart and mind. Good luck to you.