Sick of my husband

[gingerbreadcat2]

I am sick to death of my husband. I feel I have a life sentence of misery with him.

He hasn't shown me any love or affection in years. All I get is insults and put downs, or just general shouting. Nothing I ever do is right. He's lazy and spends all day from 9am until midnight on his computer or Xbox. We never go out because he gets bored or tired and starts shouting and swearing at me to go Home. He doesn't even shower regularly, maybe every week. We haven't slept in the same bed for around 2 years. Sex is crap or non existent these days.

I've told him I've had enough. I want a family and for that I need someone on the same page as me. According to him if we had a child it's my problem financially and otherwise. I don't want to be with such a slob anymore. But he says we can't sell the house and split up because we are on a fixed mortgage. He thinks the mortgage and marriage certificate means I'm legally bound to him forever and can't do anything about it. He calls me a whore and says I must be cheating on him to want to leave.

I don't know what to do - my money all went into the house so I'm stuck living with him at the moment. I am only 28 I shouldn't be in this mess

OK OP, first things first... you are NOT bound to him forever, and the only acceptable reason to stay in any relationship is because you want to. It is definitely a good thing that you have not had any kids with him because you can make a clean break if you wish to do so.

Your first port of call should be a solicitor. It is entirely possible to force the sale of the house, divorce and walk away. It is likely you would get back most of what you had put in, as presumably he would be capable of supporting himself financially in the future. You should prepare all your financial documents (and copies of his) to show the solicitor, and make an index / list for ease of reference. Pensions, P60 statements, wage slips, anything like that.

Are both of you named on the deeds / mortgage?
Does he have a job at all? Who is the higher earner?

Ginger, marriage isn't a sacrificial alter. It should be a partnership. Please get legal advice (you will get 30 mins free) and then pull the trigger, get a clean break and move on with your life. Don't feel guilt, regret or question yourself. He sounds like someone you need to leave behind.

I've been divorced, it was liberating.

You may not feel it (I didn't at 28, we tend to she ourselves ridiculously) but you're very young.

He sounds like shit partner material, horrible (abusive actually) and what he said about a child is ridiculous.

He's already abdicating all responsibility (including financial!!) to you for children. Not good parent material (or to reiterate parent material).

Sometimes things are mixed but this sounds unambiguous .. you should cut your losses and try to find someone decent to be with and have kids with.

*age ourselves

Fixed term mortgage just means there will be a penalty to pay...

I would just crack on with divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour.

Have you got separate rooms?

He’s just trying to convince you that you can’t do it. You need a solicitor. Of course you can divorce him which is absolutely the right thing to do.

See a solicitor, sort your financial input of house, divorce him

You can do so much better

Urgh leave - starter marriage he is not husband material. You are only 28 lots of time to meet someone decent. Marriages and mortgages can be unravelled.

Fixed mortgage does not mean you can't sell.
You will have an early penalty to pay but that's it.
Do you know how long the fixed rate is for?
It is usually 1, 2 or 5 years.
He will just have to live with paying half of the early penalty.
Please speak to a solicitor to see where you stand.
Do you have equity in the property?
You would probably get 50% of that.
Do you have somewhere you can go for now?
Family or a friend?
This is no way to live.
He has already knocked your self-esteem, don't let him destroy you completely.
He sounds vile and abusive.
Time to speak up and get some love and support around you.
Do this today.
28 - you have your whole life ahead of you.
Don't spend it being put down and miserable.
Time to free yourself from this.

I think you've already made up your mind what you need to do. See a solicitor and make your plan to move on to a better life and a more loving relationship. All the best

28!! He sounds awful and the worst type of person to have children with! Homes can always be sold, don't be tied to him by a mortgage! You deserve better, do not be there in a year's time!

You hit the nail on the head with your description of him.
A slob.

And a horrible sounding one at that.

You know what to do.

Also at 29, if you walk away with nothing, you have got so much time before you to build yourself back up again, without how ever many horrible kilos of filthy, dirty, sweaty, abusive, useless sweaty man holding you back.

If there is small equity perhaps he can buy you out .At your age and with such a miserable existence I would just get a free hour with solicitor to check your rights and then move out .

Thank your lucky stars 🌟 you don't have kids with him. That's your saving grace.

Get out of there! I left my first unpleasant and childless marriage at the age of 30. Met DH not long after, two children and 16 years later I'm very happily married and thank my lucky stars I didn't stay.

I walked out with nothing, and had to force a divorce and house sale through the courts. It was worth every penny.

Oh love I'm not surprised you're sick of him he sounds awful. You definitely not legally binding him divorce is a thing as is leaving a fixed term mortgage. He sounds abusive with the name-calling. Not that this makes it ok but could he have mental health problems doesn't seem that normal to get really upset when out of the house obviously I assume you mean before lockdown just been outside is quite scary right now. How long have you been together with he always like this.

You're only 28 its house bricks and stones. Do you really want to be chained to this man for the rest of you're life leave and sell the house life is too short.

You are allowed to divorce him and the financials/house will be sorted alongside.

I got divorced at 29 - best thing that could possibly have happened. He held me back, brought me down and I felt so much relief knowing he would no longer be my problem.

You can split up, you are the only thing really standing in your way. Start by believing you can!

He sounds like a revolting pig
when he wants to go home he chooses to shout and swear? He needs help and you need to realise this doesn’t have to be your life. You deserve far more than that.

What an utter beast. I just can't fathom how anyone could behave like that. What the hell has gone wrong with him? Where is his self respect? Where is his conscience, his motivation? Am lost for words.

Run money is replaceable your 20's and 30's are not.

I also divorced at 28 after being together 11 years. I thought at that time I was destined to be alone & childless but within 6 months I met my now DH. I’m 51 and have been married 21 years, with a 20 year old & 18 year old. Never feel like you can’t leave. Life is too short to be miserable

If you have a stable income you might be able to sell & move (if you can’t take over your existing home & buy him out) and transfer some of fixed rate onto a smaller mortgage. This means you only have to pay Early Repayment Charges on the difference. Or he can do this. I’m an ex mortgage advisor.

Either way, don’t subject yourself to this day in day out. You deserve so much more

Only you can sort this out.

Divorce

Start again - get your life the way you want it. 28 is young - don't get stuck with him