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Original poster

how long should i wait before i sleep with him??

39 replies

nappyaddict · 20/09/2007 09:35

ok, so i've got a new man on the scene. as of yet we haven't gone further than kissing. we've slept in the same bed so there was much touching and fondling going on but all innocent and with clothes on. well boxers for him and a tshirt and boy shorts for me if it makes a difference

anyway i really think he could well not be the one cos that's a bit corny but i do think this could end up being something quite serious and i don't want to ruin it.

as of yet i am quite happy to carry on doing what we are doing. it has got a bit heated a few times and usually i'd probably say oh stuff it and go for it, but i've managed to stop myself. i really like him and i want it to be special. i know he won't have a problem with waiting he's that kind of person and i want to make him wait to prove i am serious about all of this.

but just how long should we wait?atm it's not like i'm that bothered by it but i will be at some point and i don't want to give in too soon. it's almost to prove that i can wait iykwim.

OP posts:
mishymoo · 20/09/2007 09:37

Give it a month.... but if it feels right and you don't think he is just trying to get into your knickers.... maybe 2 weeks!!

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 09:45

If he's "the one", he'll be the one whether you shag him on the first date of the 51st date. If he's not "the one" then whether you shag him now r later it won't make him the one. Do it when it feels right to you, not because you feel you have to leave it x weeks so he doesn't think badly of you or y weeks because you don't want him to get feed up of waiting.

lou33 · 20/09/2007 09:45

i dont think it matters when you do it if it feels right, if he wants to see you again he will and if all he wants is sex then it wont matter when you finally shag him, he wont see you after anyway

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 09:45

or

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 09:46

and fed too...sorry for the bad typing!

KerryMum · 20/09/2007 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harleyd · 20/09/2007 09:47

i would have done it by now, i have no self control

warthog · 20/09/2007 10:08

yup, do it when you want. although anticipation is sometimes more delicious than the eventual consummation!

Original poster
nappyaddict · 20/09/2007 11:10

in my head i was thinking a month but now that seems too soon. oh i don't know. is it wrong to be this happy with not having gone further? its making me think i don't fancy him or something!!

OP posts:
Jackstini · 20/09/2007 11:13

NA - what is stopping you? Do you usually wait a set time before doing the deed...
If you know he's the one, it doesn't matter when you do.
My dh was an 'oh my God I can't NOT sleep with him' on the first night.
I could have risked it being a 1 night stand but I just knew. Still here we are 10 years later....!!

Original poster
nappyaddict · 20/09/2007 11:17

no i usually don't wait and i want this to be different.

OP posts:
Original poster
nappyaddict · 20/09/2007 11:18

i think its cos i normally just dive straight in and don't think and then it never works out .

i want this to work out so maybe i'm trying to break the pattern?

OP posts:
nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 11:25

Perhaps if he's the one, you don't need to break the pattern. You don't need to change who you are to find someone. You should go with what you want to do and forget about over-analising things.

Jackstini · 20/09/2007 11:33

Well put NNNB.
Your actions weren't wrong before NA - just the men!
You are nervous becasue let's face it, sex does play quite a part in a relationship. It is important for you that it's right purely becasue this bloke is more important.
You don't need to 'prove' anything by waiting. Next time you are in the situation where you think you would usually go for it.....GO FOR IT! (& good luck)

lou33 · 20/09/2007 12:22

i think you are thinking too much as well, just go with the flow and see what happens

if it feels right do it, if it doesnt, dont

lou33 · 20/09/2007 12:23

also, imagine if you do wait, really look forward to it then find out he is shit in bed

FCH · 20/09/2007 12:26

When you feel like it - shurely?

Hurlyburly · 20/09/2007 12:26

gosh - you've waited longer than I would have done already

Original poster
nappyaddict · 20/09/2007 18:00

yes i think you're right with other men i've felt like it was expected of me to do it really soon so i've just gone along with it. with him i know he doesn't expect it. i also get the feeling he might be a bit shy about it. he doesn't seem bothered but maybe inside he's gagging for it?!

OP posts:
fawkeoff · 20/09/2007 18:05

do it when you feel it's right to...i dont think you can have the thought of "right i'll shag him in a week" if you're in the moment and you know it's right there will be no question hun x x

hertsnessex · 20/09/2007 18:05

how long have you been seeing him?

BarefootShirl · 20/09/2007 18:19

I slept with DH on first date - NOT something I normally did, but it just felt right. Have now been together 10 years so draw your own conclusion.

lilacclaire · 20/09/2007 18:38

God I ripped clothes off DP asap, we had been flirting for weeks over phone/net meetings through friends.
I went round to his house one night after I had been out with the girls and was a bit tipsy and totally molested him
we're still together a couple of years later, so he must have enjoyed it!
In my defence I hadn't had a bonk for a very very long time......

sleepfinder · 20/09/2007 21:10

I think you should talk to him about it.

I wanted to sleep with my DP almost immediately but he said no, that he wanted to get to know me a bit better without being confused by such an immediate sense of intimacy. Wow. Not heard that one before, EVER.

This new man of yourse sounds sensitive and it sounds like you like him a lot.

Why not start well by communicating your thoughts with him? Decide together.

good luck!

PeterDuck · 20/09/2007 22:51

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