Living with an alcoholic during lock down

[Lostone7799]

I'm new to this so sorry if I go on, I just needed some kind of outlet.
Myself and my partner are both at home together during lock down, he usually works away during the week so this has taken it's toll on both of us. Most of the time we have been getting on ok, but he has on the occasion got very drunk, he has a drinking problem anyway thay he won't admit too. The last couple of weeks the binge drinking has become more frequent and he gets nasty with it. I also lose it when I know he's going to be drinking and I argue and cause a scene because 9 times out of 10 I know what's going to happen. Last night for example, he went and got 8 beers, drank those and went and got another 8, we had a massive argument and I lost it with him and pushed him, I know that's so bad. He then pushed me back and smashed my mirror and threatened to smash my t.v. and trashed my bedroom.
I was very upset but managed to calm myself down, clean up and get a small amount of sleep. This morning I have woken up to him still drunk, he has also been to the shop to buy a crate of beers (24) so will probably be drinking all day and night as he doesn't know when to stop. When he does stop he will pass out and I will have to creep around the place and it's so depressing!
I'm so upset and have no where else to go as it's obviously lock down. He gets so angry and nasty when he drinks so I'm literally dreading today and tonight as he will just be more drunk. I really can't cope anymore.

Look op there is no reason to stay here, lock down has already been relaxed enough that you can view properties and move to a new one, you can start contacting agents and make plans to move out ASAP now. He can then stay there and pay the rent.

Instead of procrastinating, just start to view rental properties, email some agents and then move out.

You sound a very nice person and very caring of your stepdaughter. Just make sure you also prioritise yourself. If he were to give up, it would be when he has lost everything. Not because you ask, whilst staying with him. Please value yourself, take steps to leave, and be frank with his ex wife that he seems to be worsening, as she might need to stop the little one's overnight visits if you are not there. This is horrible and heartbreaking. I lost close family to alcohol. NOTHING stopped him drinking himself to death. Big hugs xxxxx

Lostone

re your comment:-

"I know I need to get out soon, this has changed me so much, I have a major issue with my nerves and anxiety now. I feel like i cant relax. Even now I'm sat in the bedroom with the tv on mute just listening to what he's doing in the other room".

This is no life for you.

Living with an alcoholic gives the other person roles; namely those of enabler, codependent partner and provoker (because you never forget). Break free of this for your sake.

Do not be a prisoner in this property; pack a bag now and leave asap, not to just merely say to yourself that you will get out soon.

I'd really like to hear that you go today for a few days, it will give you time to look into housing, women's aid etc.

I think your friend's husband will understand if you need to make calls which you can't do at home. I'm puzzled how he manages to get any work done at all tbf.

This has to stop. If you can’t do it for yourself do it for that little girl.

You staying is propping up his alcoholism - you are covering up so that his x knows she can send her daughter to him. You are also being used here by them both to facilitate the access.

This charade needs full illumination right now - you need to take action.

You leaving is the only chance your OH has of reaching rock bottom or having a wake up call - you sweeping up behind him and covering it all up is feeding his alcoholism.

It needs to be seen in all its ugly glory, he needs to face the consequences of his choices. Others need to know the extent of this - especially the mother of his child.

The consequences of his actions have now gone beyond alcoholism - he has now destroyed your property and processions -he is currently a menacing violent threat to your physical safety. He has already destroyed your MH.

Take photos/videos of the mess and damage. Leave the house with your key possessions. Call the police. They will remove him and he can go to his room at work. Then take some space to sort the practicals of your next step. Get professional support and speak with friends and family - they will already know and will help and support you. If you were my friend, sister, daughter - I would be devastated if you didn’t reach out.

Well done for posting. This is a v nasty and dangerous situation but a critical moment for everyone.

Don’t talk to him - talk to a friend. Call the police - they have upped their DV resources to respond to lockdown.

Take care. Good luck.

OP, I've been where you are.now, minus the SD

I ignored it. Brushed over it. Shouted. Screamed. Threatened to leave. Poured alcohol down the sink even when only just emptied. Paid the bills because only one of us was earning. Went without meals so we had money for alcohol. Cleaned up broken plates, glasses and furniture when ex broke it when we didn't have money for alcohol. My MH took an absolute battering for it and I've learned SO much from that experience.

None if it worked because my ex was a barely functioning alcoholic. A physically and emotionally abusive one at that.
I have cleaned up urine and vomit when my ex was still too drunk to do it. My entire house smelled of urine because of the bed wetting. We went through half a dozen mattresses in 2 years because of it. 3 sofas in the same time because ex would pass out on the sofa and then pee all over it. If I was lucky, throw up over the side or down their front. Drinking sessions would last for up to 7 days. 2 days (absolute maximum) sober and back on it for another 7 days.

Nothing worked - nothing.

I left. And I've never looked back.

You cannot change or help your partner, and he won't get help until he hits his rock bottom. That could be next week, that could be in 10 years time. Your responsibility is to yourself OP, your MH, your sanity (I'm not being dramatic, I seriously and genuinely mean that). Find yourself a house or flat share, get your name off the rental agreement, the same with bills. You owe him nothing in this scenario OP, you owe yourself everything.

pooopypants that’s so shocking - I hope that you have had some support for the trauma you experienced and your MH has recovered.

You tried far too hard, for far too long.

@gutterton getting there, I still have dreams occasionally. Usually where my ex is on a bender, stalking me (that happened too) again or similar. I'm in a FAR greater place now. If I hadn't been through all of that, I wouldn't have been working where I was when I met my DH, I wouldn't them have my DC. I like to think of it all almost as a 'gift' from my ex.

Sorry I pressed send too soon. Thabk you for your kind words @gutterton

Haven't read the whole thread, but why don't you find a room in a house share now as a stepping stone to getting your own place? House share websites are still running, estate agents are working from home and you could ask on local sites like NextDoor. You could be in your own room away from this in a few days. In 3-6 months you could have your own flat organised. There's nothing to stop you maintaining a relationship with your step daughter. As somebody said, his number 1 relationship is with alcohol. He doesn't even like you. There's nothing to stay for.

How is it going @Lostone7799?