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Original poster

What do you consider cheating?

42 replies

Lsquiggles · 18/05/2020 16:43

Just read a thread about people not wanting to know if their partner has cheated, with some people saying if it's just a kiss they're not bothered about it etc Shock

If my OH cheated on me I'd definitely want to know about it so I could ltb because that means he has no respect for me or our relationship. And I'd still be royally pissed and deeply hurt if it was 'just' a kiss.

Is it just me? What do you consider cheating?

OP posts:
Laurie01 · 18/05/2020 16:46

Kissing is definitely cheating! It's an intimate thing, I would kick him out for that!

ladamanera · 18/05/2020 17:57

Fancying someone else is normal but where you communicate that to the object of affection, and try to or actively act on it, you are cheating on your relationship as you are implying it is non-exclusive and you want something with that object (unless it is non-exclusive). Trying to get it on with other humans is a privilege only for the single That you agree to forego for the benefits of a continuining relationship with one person. So to me, wanting to kiss someone else is uncontrollable and has to be ok- but breaking our exclusivity by telling them and actually kissing them is clearly not ok

Oldbutstillgotit · 18/05/2020 18:01

People say they would always want to know if their Partner/Spouse has cheated but my experience suggests differently . A very close friend always said that she would want to know if her DH was cheating. Well I discovered that he was ( actually saw him with OW plus another friend knew the OW who confirmed the affair) . Anyway, I told her. She hasn’t spoken to me since and is still with her DH .

MissBax · 18/05/2020 18:04

I would consider cheating anything you're doing that you'd hide from a partner. This will of course be different for every couple but for me and DH if I found out he was hiding any kind of relationship / messages with another woman I'd be pretty suspicious and wonder why as I'm very easy going about him having female friends.

Nikhedonia · 18/05/2020 18:07

An EA would be cheating for me. I'd definitely considering a kiss as cheating. And yes, I would definitely want to know.

Nikhedonia · 18/05/2020 18:09

*consider

NiknicK · 18/05/2020 18:13

For me personally if my dh were to kiss someone else I’d consider it to be cheating just the same if he were to actually sleep with someone else. I couldn’t move on from it and struggle to understand how anyone else could as surely once the trust in your relationship is gone it’s gone.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/05/2020 18:16

If the relationship has aspects which you hide from your partner, it's cheating.

HalfOfWhoIUsedToBe · 18/05/2020 18:18

Kissing is definitely cheating. For some it may be easier to recover from than a full on affair but it’s still cheating.

MLouise84 · 18/05/2020 18:41

Anything that constituted a lack of loyalty to me, whether physical or not. If you try to keep you're partner from knowing about it, it's probably crossing the line.

MLouise84 · 18/05/2020 18:51

*your

TheBlueStocking · 18/05/2020 19:04

I wouldn't consider kissing to be cheating if it was a drunken thing at a party. I also wouldn't be bothered about flirting or cuddling. But I would make that known and would expect the same leeway in return.

I would think it was cheating if someone was giving all of their time and attention to another person, whether that included any physical contact or not, however.

WinterAndRoughWeather · 18/05/2020 20:05

I agree TheBlueStocking I don’t think I’d be fussed about a pissed up kiss or a bit of flirting at a party. Any hidden affair, whether emotional or physical, is cheating.

Fiveasidefootballfamily · 18/05/2020 20:14

I suppose it depends how you view kissing. I find it an intimate act that I choose to do with someone I fancy, especially French kissing. If my partner was fancying someone and carrying out any act with them that demonstrated their feelings and scratched an itch, so to speak, that would be cheating.

A kiss can be a quick peck or something very erotic and sexual. I wouldn’t like to think my partner had shared that with someone else.

Cuddling and flirting would be the same. If it was a bit of flanter or an arm round someone briefly, that’s one thing. But cuddling and feeling emotions, is different. Highly suggestive flirting that is a precursor to sex, would not be ok.

Yallreadyforthis · 18/05/2020 20:18

There's cheating and there's disloyalty.

I think people tie themselves in knots trying to convince themselves that disloyalty is somehow better. It's not.
You get to decide what constitutes disloyalty.

Fairenuff · 18/05/2020 20:21

Anything you wouldn't do in front of your partner is cheating.

Raidblunner · 18/05/2020 21:03

A pissed up kiss soon leads to a pissed fuck! My ex would would be a testament to that! Done my very best to make things work for the sake of the children forsaking myself! Never again...

RLEOM · 18/05/2020 21:13

Any kind of inappropriate touching is cheating. Can't forget good old emotional affairs!

MLouise84 · 18/05/2020 21:20

@Yallreadyforthis

I think people tie themselves in knots trying to convince themselves that disloyalty is somehow better. It's not.*

What do you mean? Disloyalty is better than what?

choosesoap · 18/05/2020 21:23

anything you wouldn't be happy for your partner to see happen / know about

SocialifeofaHotWaterBottle · 18/05/2020 21:55

I think to a degree if you wouldn't do it in front of your partner it's dodgy.

Yallreadyforthis · 19/05/2020 00:04

@mlouise84

I mean that people accept all kinds of disloyalty from partners, and will talk themselves into staying " because they ( the partner) didn't cheat".

Texting other women ( in an inappropriate way) lying, being deliberately secretive- all the crap we read about on a daily basis here. It's just disloyalty and a symptom of disrespect. How can you truly love someone if you don't respect them?

Kissing someone else/ sleeping with someone else- disloyalty and disrespect too, but in another form. I'm not sure why one is deemed more of a deal breaker. Surely a healthy relationship is characterized by respect and loyalty- none of those behaviours should feature.

Whathewhatnow · 19/05/2020 00:10

Depends how much drink.

Very drunken kiss with a stranger, someone who DP was unlikely to cross paths with again, couldnt get worked up about.

Kiss with a long-term aquaintanc e or close friend? No. Too muck risk, too much capacity for hurt.

Anyone in this situation please leave first. You WILL LOVE IT Smile

MLouise84 · 19/05/2020 00:17

@Yallreadyforthis ah, I get you. I agree, both are dealbreakers for me. Part of the reason I would never forgive cheating is not necessarily because of the act of cheating itself, but because it's so disrespectful and humiliating to be on the receiving end of it, and like you say, someone who loved you wouldn't do those things to you.

xGAIAx · 19/05/2020 04:26

Sometimes it's not the actual kiss itself but the look of desire in his eyes while cupping her face right before any lips touch.

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