Dating is driving me insane! Why is it so hard?!

[katiie3]

Hi everyone.

I have recently started online dating again, and I’m already pulling my hair out?!

I spoke to a man online, bumble for a few days, and eventually exchanged numbers to talking on Whatsapp.

We spoke for 2/3 on WhatsApp and it was nice. But he constantly expects me to reach out first and text him. He even said, I don’t chase anyone.

It has put me off. It should be an equal effort of desiring to speaking to each other.

And his answers are becoming so dry, and boring. He sends one words answers and expects me to carry the conversation. If I stop, he doesn’t contact me, and says he doesn’t play games. Yet on bumble he was so funny, keen and constantly messaging back and forth.

He said he expects me to contact him and if I like him then I would want to talk to him.

I text him everyday but it’s too hard for me to carry the conversation! We haven’t met, it is lockdown so we can only text or call. He suggested a video call, which I said okay to, but I look awful on camera.

I feel like ending things or should I just put more effort into chasing him?

I agree with the massive red flags here, I gave up OLD for one of these reasons, one guy got so obsessive and jealous about me talking to other people and we hadn't even met. Typical psycho traits, very very controlling. OP he's probably talking to loads of women but doesn't want you to be active on the dating site and you've not even met - run for your life and block him. There are some awful men on these sites and many of them are single because they treat women so badly. Don't be somebody's next victim!

Why would you put such hard work into chasing a man this shit, when you could get yourself a really decent one so much easier? Surely it's a no brainier?

Sounds like bit of a loser and on the "low self esteem" side. Its not a bad thing and not a deal breaker but its just so off when you tell the guy/girl to always initiate

Yes, it is very strange. I just wanted others opinions, as I feel online dating is just not what it is used to be.

And we are NOT exclusive! Only been talking a week or so, not even met up.

@wobblywinelover yes, everything you said is what is happening to me! If I don’t say good morning, he thinks I’m not interested!

If I don’t say goodnight, he thinks I’m not interested! It’s so draining.

I knew his behaviour was off but I just wanted others opinions too.

My opinion is that he's a wanker and doesn't deserve 1 more moment of your time.

I came on to respond, and discovered that @SpyApp has said word for word what I was going to say.

🤣

I agree with others. Just let him go.
Stop chasing.

If you don't text him goodnight, does he then message you to complain you're not interested?

Keep trying, forget about him, there'll be someone connects with you and it will become naturally equal. Don't get absorbed in text messaging, it's not the real thing. Create a basic connection and arrange a date, you'll never know otherwise.

@Fucktacula ha! Ye, if I don’t say goodnight, he waits until I say good morning and then complains 😂😂😂

Unfortunately there are a hell of a lot of substandard boring men out there who think they deserve sex starved supermodels.
I've given up for sure. I can't be bothered.

Wait, THAT is odd at the start of a relationship!! Dont you think it looks like a start of a controlling behaviour?? My ex was like that, i found it cute initially, uh oh

@peanutandpumkin it is not even a relationship. We have only exchanged numbers for about a week ish. We haven’t even met! 😂😂

He sounds like a knob and doesn't sound v interested in you if he gives one word answers

Bin him, now

Honestly, why are you still bothering?

Know your worth.

Blimey OP just don’t bother with him! What an arse! He’s probably doing this so he can see if you’ll put up with a load of entitled, selfish egotistical controlling crap, and if you will he’ll consider seeing you. Get rid and block!

Man: I expect you to text me and call me first and show that you like me blah blah blah

You: hahahahaha. Bye!

OP, I did online dating for a little while, and out of the several men I met, only one was nice and kind and sensible (also pretty sexy - we had fun)
I met my now DH on a blind date set up by a friend, and honestly from the beginning, it was just so easy and straightforward. No obsessive messaging, no games, just good communication.
Don't settle for anything less!

OP why are you letting this person into your life? He's a stranger who is clearly weird with women - doesn't sound like he even likes them! why are you even entertaining this? All the he knows you're talking to others and you must text him first, he won't chase you - he sounds unhinged at best and at worst a controlling abuser looking for his next victim.

@katiie3 you actually sound too naive for online dating

He obviously is already trying to control you, and if you were to actually meet irl is quite possible there would be zero attraction between you, so this debate could be for nothing anyway. Until you meet irl it is not a "relationship" and absolutely no need to talk about exclusivity after a week with someone you may not even like. He's weird.

@TheStuffedPenguin
Probably true.

I tend to stop communicating if they offer me their number/whatsapp tbh. I feel like dating sites have some built in safeguards and just swapping numbers almost immediately feels wrong to me. I'd probably only do that if we were ready to meet up but i guess that could be a v long time now. Not much use in your situation but are you 100% sure he's genuine?

he told me that he expects me to text him and call him first and show that I do like him and that I am interested.

That was your cue to never text him again.

You've got caught up with a manipulative lazy fucker - avoid him by all means now.