Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

In law Rant regarding Xmas

72 replies

jampot · 10/10/2004 17:35

I am sooo livid. I went out today shopping with the children and inlaws came to give dh a hand with some decorating. Whilst I was out they asked dh what we were doing for xmas. dh said he wasn't sure yet and they asked if we would like them to come for xmas (remember they live in Spain). Basically the answer is NO we do not want them but dh seems unable to say we're fine just being on our own for fear of upsetting them. They have been back since June and are going home next week and still hven't offered to babysit or invite us over/out for a meal. All this after posting on another thread about bloody Christmas on our own....... Dh now thinks I'm rude because he should have told them

OP posts:

Original poster

jampot · 16/10/2004 18:46

ooh yes marthamoo - I'd be up for that!!!!!

OP posts:

alexsmum · 17/10/2004 10:56

it's so funny you know.We all think christmas is this magical time of the ,peace and goodwill and lots of yummy chocolates.Yet it causes so much trouble!!!! Look at us all stressing and it's only october!!!!
I've got to say i'd rather be in the position of fighting rellys off with a big stick, than being the billy no mates like me!!!!
I was so pleased when the in-laws got in touch yesterday and said they were coming..flying halfway round the world to be with us is amazing.
NOW, I'm stressed about getting the house looking decent, affording all the food and drink and doing all the shopping!!!
The mumsnet christmas sounds fun but the thing about it would be we would all be paranoid about the kids behaving in front of strangers,and being able to get drunk and snore etc!!!!
Family eh? You can't live with them and you can't shoot them!

Original poster

jampot · 17/10/2004 10:59

actually we do have a shotgun

OP posts:

alexsmum · 17/10/2004 11:04

[grin grin grin]jampot!
so what has been decided on then jampot? christmas without the in laws or what?

alexsmum · 17/10/2004 11:05

that should have been

Freckle · 17/10/2004 11:17

My MIL makes constant noises about us inviting SIL and her daughter at Christmas "because they are by themselves" (well, by themselves apart from MIL!). However, the fact that one of my sisters is also a single parent doesn't seem to require the same amount of compassion from us.

Also made more awkward this year by the fact that SIL has cut me and dh dead for the past year over something really silly. OK for dh who never saw her much anyway, but I have to face being ostentatiously ignored in the playground every day . Why on earth MIL thinks we would want to have SIL here on Christmas day eludes me totally.

Hulababy · 17/10/2004 11:20

We have a really simple rule for Christmas Day, which started the year DH and I began living together (pre-empting children in the future):

Christmas Day is ours. No one is to visit, and we don't visit anyone else. It's the one day a year that we guarantee is just for us.

Been doing this for 8 years now; DD has been here for the past two.

Every other day before and after we do family and/or friend stuff; just not Christmas Day.

Original poster

jampot · 17/10/2004 11:22

Freckle - the last time our inlaws came for xmas dinner they brought with them MIL's aunt who is one seriously nasty lady. She hadn't spoken to me for over a year and if we had visited inlaws when she was there she would move out of hte room/garden i was in! Anyway she came to us for xmas day and didn;t speak one word to me all day long. I did try to make an effort but she would simply ignore my questions and comments and continue a conversation with someone else whilst I was speaking to her. Inlaws then spent the next 4 years trying to convince dh that it was partly my fault and he should still keep in contact/invite her over/take kids to visit her etc!!!!

Anyway - good news is the inlaws are staying Spain for the winter - yippeeee!!!!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

jampot · 17/10/2004 11:23

hula - that's basically what we want to do to but everyone thinks they're excluded from the rule!

OP posts:

Freckle · 17/10/2004 11:23

This is our rule too. Always has been, which is why I find MIL's unsubtle hints so irritating. She knows we always spend Christmas day at home by ourselves, so why does she persist in trying to make me feel guilty for not inviting SIL? We always have grandparents over on one day after Christmas, so they will get to see the children. We nearly always go to a large family gathering at my parents on Boxing day. Won't happen this year as my parents have recently moved and are having building works done, so I've invited the entirety of my family here for Boxing day.

Original poster

jampot · 17/10/2004 11:25

how about when all our kids are grown up and don't want us on xmas day we all get together in that castle someone mentioned

OP posts:

Freckle · 17/10/2004 11:26

What a nightmare, jampot. Fancy having to put up with such appalling behaviour on Christmas day in your own home.

DH thinks the rift with his sister is great as he couldn't be bothered with her much anyway, and pre-rift she would bowl up here practically every weekend and stay for at least one if not two meals. DH would always find something urgent that needed doing in the garden, so that he could leave me to deal with her. I wouldn't mind not having anything to do with her but I know for a fact that she is telling all the other mothers in the playground that I am ignoring her and she doesn't understand why! Bl**dy annoying.

Davros · 17/10/2004 12:07

jampot, result!
Coppertop, its horrid not being wanted isn't it but you're right, there are advantages in that we can do exactly what we want. One of DH's sisters and her husband might come to us this year, they're not very "Chrismassy" but they're nice and love kids. Being Jewish DH's family is a mixture of those who totally don't do Xmas, go halfway towards it or DH and his other sister who are potty about Xmas..... very confusing! Its also not great to be on our own on Xmas day with our kids as for 8 years we only had DS who has autism and has no clue about Xmas or presents and DD is only 19 mos now so not into it yet
My mum didn't invite us to her 75th birthday party "because its too difficult for us and we'd only say no" but that should be our decision (I would have said no btw )

alexsmum · 17/10/2004 17:42

davros I can't believe your mum didn't invite you to her party!!!! that is absolutely f outrageous!!!! who the hell did she invite, if she didn't invite her own daughter, ffs!!!!????

Original poster

jampot · 17/10/2004 18:06

on davros behalf

OP posts:

Hulababy · 17/10/2004 21:09

I think if you really want Christmas on your own you have to be very adament and stick to it; and once you've done it once it gets way easier. People no longer evn ask us about what we will be doing that day. But we do do Christmas visiting (to us or us to them) on the days before and afterwards. We wouldn't have Christmas Day any other way. Now we have DD it'd be hard anyway. It took her literally all day to open her presents last year!

Davros · 17/10/2004 21:35

Thanks, sorry to be such a downer! I didn't care about her sodding party, I gave up long ago caring which also means I don't care when she needs something which is not nice but I'm OK about it, my sister feels the same. Its not a problem really now we've got each other to be honest with about how we feel about her.
Anyway, back to Chrismas

newgirl · 18/10/2004 14:43

I found this thread really helpful thank you Jampot! Glad you'e got it sorted for this year. Any advice for me?

My parents are split (have been for years) and my DH mum is on her own as husband died young. She now hates xmas without him and we spent the first year with her. Its now 5 years on, and she has invited us there. However, I really find it depressing as they all get so miserable about him not being there. The brothers get drunk and offensive. Yet my dh loves them and wants to be with them.

I also feel I have to alternate between my parents, and we both get on with both of them, (but they hate each other). Last year we were on our own, and all three parents moaned about it throughout the year. If I could afford to go to the caribbean we would! I love xmas and the winter and all the services, parties, cakes etc and want it to be fun, but I feel put upon. Any wise words?

Original poster

jampot · 18/10/2004 19:33

oooh newgirl - what a dilemma. At least
my MIL isn't on her own. I think if she was we would have to have her over - please God that will never happen! However couldn't let the surviving one be on their own for xmas. Could you not invite them all to yours and hope that more people can dilute any hatred amongst family members?

OP posts:

zubb · 18/10/2004 19:54

newgirl - you say that the brothers get drunk, so she's not on her own then?
As you were on your own last year, I would do the same this year - the moaning can't get any worse this year, and they may all get used to the idea that thats what you want to do.

Davros · 18/10/2004 20:23

Hmmm, give with one hand and take with the other. Spend Xmas day on your own but invent a new tradition where you go over on Xmas eve or boxing day but at a time that suits you and isn't for hours and hours.

newgirl · 19/10/2004 15:28

thank you jampot, zubb and davros. you are right that she isn't in her own! I feel that she wants to spend the day with her only granddaughter, so feel pressured, but she does have two more babies(although grown up and drunk) to entertain her. I think we will go for the 'on our own' option, and then invite them all boxing day. It seems calmer that way. It would be so fab if the rest of our family had lots of children; they seem to be the focus for the older generation, so it would be good to share out the responsibility! Adios amigos!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread