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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

In law Rant regarding Xmas

72 replies

jampot · 10/10/2004 17:35

I am sooo livid. I went out today shopping with the children and inlaws came to give dh a hand with some decorating. Whilst I was out they asked dh what we were doing for xmas. dh said he wasn't sure yet and they asked if we would like them to come for xmas (remember they live in Spain). Basically the answer is NO we do not want them but dh seems unable to say we're fine just being on our own for fear of upsetting them. They have been back since June and are going home next week and still hven't offered to babysit or invite us over/out for a meal. All this after posting on another thread about bloody Christmas on our own....... Dh now thinks I'm rude because he should have told them

OP posts:
hmb · 14/10/2004 18:41

My beloved MIL refuses to be a hassle to anyone over Christmas and always takes herself off skiing. She then gets back in time to baby sit for us over New Year and celibrates dd's birthday with us. She is fab and I love her to bits.

2wildbabies · 14/10/2004 19:18

HMB can we swop MIL's??? Yours sounds great!!!! Mine is horrid and I refuse to talk to her anymore due to the fact she is EVIL!!!! You know what happened last xmas.....I had a baby a week before xmas day and I still ended up cooking for MIL. ..and she didn't even offer any help. Sat on her botty for the day.

frogs · 14/10/2004 20:02

2wildbabies -- are you in fact me? I had a baby a week before christmas too, and the MIL scenario was replicated in our house. Spooky...

hmb · 14/10/2004 20:21

2WB, hugs to you she sounds awful!

I love my MIL to bits and if I had picked dh for his mother I couldn't have done better. She is great fun and never, ever played the guilt trip (which my mother always used to do).

Not only does she visit and tell us to go out so she can baby sit, she arrives with lots of wine and insists that we share a glass. She is one hell of a gal. I'm only sorry that we don't live closer to each other

biketastic · 14/10/2004 20:32

I love the idea of you Ils being so kind and considerate as to bring you curry ketchup before they go! People are bonkers, aren't they?
Just say it, jampot - you need a bit of "family time" with your dh. He'll be pleased that you have done it- men are such cowards.
If they huff for a while - they'll get over it!.
Good luck - what exactly are you going to eat with the curry ketchup

Original poster
jampot · 14/10/2004 20:44

was thinking of having chicken tikka masala & chips

OP posts:
biketastic · 14/10/2004 20:50

would you use the curry ketchup to put the chicken in?
or is it just for "0n the side" as it were?

Original poster
jampot · 15/10/2004 20:34

I soooo need to rant now - please is anyone there who will listen before I blow my top?????

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sobernow · 15/10/2004 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jampot · 15/10/2004 20:55

thanx sobernow - well I've been out this evening with ds as dd was out at a party and needed picking up at 8pm, dh is working until 10pm and his parents are here as they are staying overnight but decided to sit here all evening without us being in. Well I left our phone with answerphone turned off (in case his other mum rang) on my bed with bedroom door closed. Well dd phoned from her mobile and MIL picked up te phone then when I got home she had a go at me as she couldn;t get hold of me. She also told me a few other friends called and when I asked who tehy were she told me. I am sooo angry

OP posts:
Original poster
jampot · 15/10/2004 21:01

obviously angry that she has answered my phone which was fruitless as neither of us were in but more so that she went into my bedroom which I see as a huge invasion of my privacy. I know you may think I'm really overreacting but its just hte way I feel and I wish they'd hurry up and fick off!!!!

OP posts:
sobernow · 15/10/2004 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jampot · 15/10/2004 21:16

think I may go out later and get totally pissed then come home and puke all over the house

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Original poster
jampot · 15/10/2004 21:17

thanks for listening sobernow - feel much better already xx

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sobernow · 15/10/2004 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coppertop · 15/10/2004 21:43

I would be seriously pssed off too. If you'd known you could've phoned your own number, waited for her to pick the phone up and then said "What the fck do you think you're doing in my bedroom??! GET OUT!"

Lots of sympathy, Jampot.

dawnie1 · 15/10/2004 22:04

INLAWS !!!!! XMAS !!!!! HOW DARE THEY !!
My dd is over a year old now and the inlaws (inlawgrandma & stepgrandpa) and (inlawgrandpa & stepgrandma)have NEVER babysat for us at all. Never come to see us, we have to go and see them and generally have been useless in all aspects of grandparenthood. My parents, however, have been fantastic - mum looks after DD 2 days a week so I can works part time, buys her load of stuff, has taught her everything she knows etc etc and is just generally brilliant in every way.
However, the inlaws have now invited us all over for Xmas (Inlaw Grandpa Xmas day & Inlaw Grandma Boxing day)and my DH has accepted both invitation on 'our' behalf. - What about my fantastic, supportive and always there parents !?!
DH and I are at a stand off - me and dd are going to my parents house (for Xmas day & Boxing Day) and he is going to his parents house - CREEP!!!
How dare they do nothing all year long and then demand priority at Xmas.

PS - All sets of Grandparent live within a 5 mile radius of us.

harrassedmum · 15/10/2004 22:17

What a pain jampot, wish i could give you some advice, but hope you feel better for ranting! Cant believe that dawnie1, i bet you are fuming, i would not want to go anywhere near inlaws at xmas, do your parents know yet?

expatkat · 15/10/2004 22:17

I have the opposite situation, but equally annoying. . .

Having spent last year in the US with my family, dh & I assumed we'd be in the UK celebrating with dh's family this year, as we alternate from year to year. But MIL drops in conversation that she and FIL will be traveling on their own this year. We felt damned hurt by this; there was no discussion, merely an announcement PLUS. . . why kind of grandparents have so little interest in their grandchildren? It's so DIFFERENT to what I grew up with! And my parents are thrilled when we come for Christmas; it's like the best thing that could possibly happen to them. They'd never say, "Sorry, we're getting some sun this year. . .WITHOUT you."

I know you probably think I'm lucky, jampot, but a lack of involvment can be almost as frustrating as over-involvement. But I don't envy your situation.

dawnie1 · 15/10/2004 22:28

Yes my parents are fully aware - they cannot believe/understand how little interest the inlaws take in DD. Last year dh, dd and me went to my parents for Xmas day morning but dh left at 2pm to go to his dads house on his own but this year he is insisting we all spend Xmas day together which I agree with and would love to do but only at my parents - my family 'LOVE' Xmas (let your hair down and make merry etc) whilst his family tolerate it - all show, best behaviour and polite conversation) I'm very stubborn and will not change my plans but hate the way they cause the same argument every year - !!
PS - Don't wish to moan at everyone - its Friday night and a lovely long weekend ahead so positive thoughts !!

Original poster
jampot · 16/10/2004 00:38

well i'm back now and suitably poissed. no vomit but frigging hell did i make "unnecessary noise" when I came in. They are sleeping downstairs (another reason not to stay) and i am just a biutch now

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Davros · 16/10/2004 18:07

jampot, do they still think they are coming to you for xmas? If so, after a deep breath, I would phone them or speak to them before they bring it up on their own terms and say something like "DH says you were talking of coming to us at Xmas but I've already agreed that we're spending it with X, didn't he tell you?" some fantasy friends who live in someplace that means you have to make a mission of it and won't be gone just for that day. Whatever, I would do anything to make sure they don't come.... lie, lie, lie!
We also have the problem that everyone in DH's family suits themselves, go on holiday etc and my sister has my mum to her and our other sister so we don't want to go there with DS who has autism........ no-one wants us to go to them or to come to us

coppertop · 16/10/2004 18:40

No-one wants us either. MIL is lovely but just isn't keen on celebrating Christmas. My brothers and sisters will probably be going to my mum's for Christmas but we're never invited and it's made pretty clear that we wouldn't be welcome. The good thing is that this means that we can do pretty much what we like at Christmas and don't have the stress of working out how not to offend people.

marthamoo · 16/10/2004 18:43

We should hire a massive castle (real, not bouncy) somewhere and have a Mumsnet Christmas - how cool would that be?

Original poster
jampot · 16/10/2004 18:45

Davros - MIl said to dh the other day "you don't seem keen on inviting us for xmas?" to which he replied that we haven't got the room, lots of work, used to pleasing ourselves etc. plus supposed to be a really crap winter so convinced them they should stay in nice sunny Spain!!! Yay!!!!!!

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