Keep me strong after leaving DV

[WhoCaresAnyway95]

Please help me stay strong while I deal with the break up of an awful relationship. 8 years I was mentally and physically abused. I've had enough that's it. I really need some help to stay strong and focused. Right now he's all I can think about

Better people than me will write soon. I just wanted to say that of course you would be thinking about him and maybe it's difficult to be strong and focussed when you would be stressed. It will take time I think (?).

I had a friend leave an abusive marriage, and her whole personality changed. She became calmer, kinder and stronger. It was amazing but it took a year or two after leaving.

A year or two? I don't think I can cope feeling like this for that amount of time. I was so taken in by him I would of died for him and also killed for him. I know I'm being so stupid even giving him a second thought but he's all I have known from the age of 15

Bite size this. We are here to support you. Baby steps. One day at a time. Or even an hour.

Please keep calling the Samaritans.

I'm going to have a nice soak, give the kids some supper and put them into bed then give them a ring. I'm so drained I had about 4 hours sleep lastnight, haven't eaten anything today again. You would think after somebody hurts you over and over again your brain would stop you feeling sad.

It is clear after you other 2 threads that you need counseling.
You have been under his thrall fir so long, you knew nothing else.
Contact WA, Do the freedom program. See GP, get referred, tell the truth & get help

Please stay strong I totally understand it's so difficult when you end things you doubt yourself and start remembering good times then you feel bad and want to work it out! Don't give in op write all the negative things he has done down every time a nice memory pops into your head read the list of bad things remind yourself he is abusive stay strong it does get easier and one day you will wake up and realise how happy you are not to be with him

Opening up to somebody in person makes it real. I cannot believe this is what heart break feels like.

Actually seeing him again in the flesh today has knocked me for sick. It's strange I can't explain it, I was so angry but now I'm so sad.

It's horrible but you need to stay strong talking to people in person makes it easier to stay away you feel like you are accountable

Baby steps and a day at a time. Hour by hour even

Worst thing is people saying stay strong when you feel like fucking shit...

Go with it and make sure you talk. Talk and talk , but when you are ready and want to reach out..

Big hugs 🤗

The writing has helped massively but it still hurts like a mother fucker.

You really will get there, OP, it just won't feel that way right now. But at least you're out of it now whilst your DC are small and can grow up free of it. (Speaking as someone who was brought up with abuse in the home.)

There is help available, through your GP. I was really afraid of being judged when I asked for help with my MH issues, in my case PTSD due to childhood abuse. Bug there really is no reason to be, the help is there. And in the meantime, please do try Samaritans again, if you need to talk or keep posting on here.

Hi OP,

I've read both your previous threads. You've had such a shock, such a hard time.

One step at a time. You are doing a great job. We all wobble at times, put that behind you and concentrate on getting the life you want for your family.

Will I ever feel able to smile again. I feel ok in the day but as evening comes I miss him like crazy

You do need to talk to your GP, so you can start eating and sleeping properly again.

Can you eat small amounts of high calorie food, just to keep you going for your children's sake?

To add, OP, I also have 2 DDs, adopted, of 12 and 8. Admitting my MH issues really didn't lead to me being judged for it. If your DC are being well cared for, you really won't be judged at all. You've left an abusive relationship, which shows a lot of strength.

He's been your focus for almost half your life. It's going to take a while for you to rebuild.

When I said a year or two I mean it was gradual. But she was still talking and talking about him the first year. She had a lot to say, because she'd kept the abuse secret for so long.

What you're doing is big. You would have died for him. Those are strong feelings. You can't switch them off overnight. You have to wait it out. That's all I meant. But, like, those are your feelings. They belong to you, not to him.

You have done the right thing, but it feels like the hardest thing.
Imagine your children as late teenagers, with a first relationship, and it being healthy and lovely.

This is what you're working towards.

We have you here, OP

I've been drinking Lucozade to keep my energy up. I feel absolutely drained after not getting much sleep last night. Hopefully I'll have a great sleep tonight now that he's shifted his property and is actually allowing me to move on.

The receptionist at my GP surgery is so snotty, she will ask why I need an appointment what do I say? Because I'm depressed, I think I'm depressed, I'm feeling anxious so I can't sleep. She will think I'm being ridiculous I called last week but bottled it when I heard her attitude on the phone

Well done for leaving!

I have just left an awful relationship too.

Try and keep yourself busy. I find it’s the night times that are the worst as I have more time to think.

You’ve done the right thing and everytime you think about forgiving just remind yourself of all the horrible things he’s done and that he will NOT change!

Stay state and stay strong. ♥️

Mama05 yes definatley the night time that is the worst! I hope your doing ok x

Ring GP. Tell her it's for your mental health. That should be enough.
Ive been through similar. I've done freedom. I had an IDVA from a DV support group. I also had help for DS from local children s centre.
It does get better. You are grieving for the relationship even though you knew it wasn't right. The further down the line as you open up and speak to people, tell them the truth. Yes it becomes more real but will also justify your reasons in leaving. You will eventually realise how bad he treated you and you are worth more. I did and my life is so much happier and richer now.
Its hard but chin up. You can do this xx