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Original poster

His ex..

77 replies

JH88 · 16/05/2020 15:17

Basically, hes still living with his ex. We have plans to get our own place when the lockdown is over.

His ex is saying that when we move in together she will not let him have the kids while I'm there. Says he can only see them if he stays there on a weekend. I've tried to make thing easier by suggesting that me and the ex have a meet just so she can get to know me, know ill be fine with the kids etc.. i have a child of my own. He's said she won't go for it.

The thing with him staying there on a weekend, I'm not happy with the idea and he knows it. I want him to have a relationship with his kids, ive got no intentions of getting in the way. My view is, if he does agree to stay she will never let the kids come to our place, ruining any kind of normal family life for me and OH
And its no secret that she wants him back, using the kids to play with his head is very childish imo

He knows how I feel about it but he's not offered much in the way of sorting something out.

Is this just me or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 16/05/2020 16:02

Where are you living now ?

No I think he needs to find his own place for 6 months at least .you haven’t been together 6 months -the children presumably haven’t met all this is too soon

Doowop20 · 16/05/2020 16:07

It’s very messy isn’t it? And now you’ve said the children are under 4, I definitely don’t think he should move straight in with you.

It’s his right to play it safe at the moment (I have a difficult ex myself) but I think it will be hard for you to have the kind of relationship you want.

pinkyredrose · 16/05/2020 16:10

Where are you living OP?

Bunnymumy · 16/05/2020 16:14

'He says she wont go for it'. Have you ever even met her? Sorry op but it sounds like classic narcissistic triangulation, where he is talking shite about you to her and vice versa. To try make you focus on each other rather than him.

And that's if she even knows about you. They may not even be split.

I dunno what you were thinking getting with a man who just split from the mother of his kids 4 months ago and still lives with her anyway tbh.

And his is right, you really shpuldnt be having anything to do with each others kids. Unless you've been together for a year or so a d its definately going to be a long term thing.

I think you seriously need to have a rethink op. Because at best, you are rushing into it with a man who jumps from the mother of his kids to another woman in a heartbeat. At worst, you are being played.

When lockdown lifts, invite yourself round for a cuppa to meet his ex. If he protests, you know he's hiding something.

Bunnymumy · 16/05/2020 16:15

*and his ex is right

noyoucannotcomein · 16/05/2020 16:16

Why has he even met your child, when you've only been seeing him since December, and we've been in lockdown since mid March?

AllsortsofAwkward · 16/05/2020 16:17

Far to fast he met you're dc but you havent met his young dc but want to move in together and mix children who are complete strangers. DC under 4 wont understand their df moving out their family home that he shares with their mother ands suddenly living with some strange woman and her child, I'm sorry but they wont. Blending families should be taken with care and adequate time for children to adapt.

Orangecar · 16/05/2020 16:21

The thought has crossed my mind that he's keeping her sweet incase things don't work out between us two. But he left her, he wasn't happy and they've agreed they get on better as friends
I don't doubt that we are together because we are

SandyY2K · 16/05/2020 16:21

Is it worth the hassle? He split up with getting August knowing he was still going to be living there.

Are you saying that if he doesn't get into a new relationship, he cannot afford suitable accommodation?

I don't think its healthy to rush living together purely for financial reasons.... you've apparently been together 5 months and you think it's okay to live together, while kids are involved. Or have you been friends for years before this, as often seems to be the case on threads like this?

The kids are young...they probably don't understand their parents have split...it would be terribly confusing to be spending the weekend with you and their dad.

Find someone who doesn't still live with his Ex.

Orangecar · 16/05/2020 16:26

We've been friends for a couple of years, met at work.

Orangecar · 16/05/2020 16:28

When they first split, he went to live with a mate. That mate after a couple of months got himself a girlfriend so my fella had to move out. He only went back there because he had nowhere else to go

LovingLola · 16/05/2020 16:31

So he moved out of his family home and then moved back in again?

Menora · 16/05/2020 16:31

Does he even work? He can’t afford a 2 bed flat? Where do you and your child live now?

Everyone is telling you that this is not going to work the way you want it to. I hope you are listening. Neither of you have the DC as a priority, your RS seems to be the priority and the DC and Ex will have to fit in somewhere

Doowop20 · 16/05/2020 16:32

Name change op?

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 16/05/2020 16:33

Balls. This is suiting him.
He moves into his own place, works you and his children into a new dating life.
If after a year you’re all still happy, then by all means move in together.
Until then....no chance!

JonbonMoany · 16/05/2020 16:33

Another woman moving a man into her child's life straight away

slipperywhensparticus · 16/05/2020 16:36

None if you dound mature enough to have children let alone be planning a "family life"

LovingLola · 16/05/2020 16:37

He's met my child, they get on really well.

Next you’ll be telling us they adore each other

sammylady37 · 16/05/2020 16:37

You only got together with him last December, lockdown has been on since March and you’re planning to move him in with your child imminently???

I really despair of women like you. Who is looking out for your child’s interests in all of this?

AllsortsofAwkward · 16/05/2020 16:38

Name change fail op. He should seek accommodation from the council or family members he should not be moving in with a woman he started dating in December and barely knows.

BumbleBeee69 · 16/05/2020 16:43

I've mentioned to him about legal access if she wont let him have the kids but he says he wants to keep it amicable rather than get the courts involved.

He doesn't want to move on.. sorry

SandyY2K · 16/05/2020 16:45

So his plan on splitting was moving in with a mate, who got rid when he found a GF.

And of course you've known each other for 2 years..... his Ex may well suspect you were more than just friends. I would too if I was her. Only you know the truth about this.

He will do whatever she says as far as the kids are concerned, so you can accept it or not. The choice is yours.

I don't see how you think you can rush into being a blended family with a few months...you need to start thinking about the children and not your relationship.

Reallynowdear · 16/05/2020 16:46

Why on earth are you talking about living arrangements?

You have been together with this man for a matter of weeks.

For Gods sake woman, think of the children involved here.

Dontbeme · 16/05/2020 16:48

She treat him like crap, thats why he left her

He left her but still lives with her, I don't think "leaving" means what you think it means. Best case scenario he is the type of bloke that uses women for his own convenience and has lined you up as the childcare and next bed warmer. Worse case scenario you are the other woman. Give your head a wobble, you have your own child to consider.

lunar1 · 16/05/2020 16:49

In the children's world their parents are still together. He needs to move out on his own and provide them stability and the knowledge that they still have two parents who love them. These children are about to be traumatised when he moves out.

What the fuck would you be thinking even meeting them, let alone anything else for the next year.

Your boyfriend would be an awful person to include you in their life in any way any time in the near future. I can't believe I'm reading this.