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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he lying?

69 replies

homebaker88 · 16/05/2020 12:01

Really need some outsiders’ perspective on this.

A few years ago, I was seeing this amazing guy who I completely fell for but I wasn’t getting the attention/commitment I wanted. He said he felt the same but was wanting to take things slower. So basically, I’m not proud of it but I cut things off with him suddenly without telling him and blocked his number etc. He kept tried contacting me continuously off different numbers and got his friends to contact me to, but each time I blocked them because I just didn’t want to have the conversation. A couple of weeks after that I met my current partner. When we got together he used to see how much the previous guy would try and contact me and how weird it got. I was constantly having to block numbers. A year in from then, I got engaged to my current partner and we moved in together. Everything was going so well until one day I got an anonymous phone call from someone telling me he was cheating. I told my partner and instantly we both thought it was linked to the previous guy so I didn’t take any notice and changed my number.

About 6 months after that, in the space of a week someone came up to me and told me my partner has been having an affair. He showed me evidence of messages etc. I dismissed it to friends and family and my partner said it was probably that guy again. A few days after that, someone who said they were a mutual friend of me and my partner, messaged me and said they didn’t want to say who they were because they didn’t want to fall out with anyone... but the cheating accusations were true. I was then shown a picture of my partner kissing another woman!!! The date the photo was taking was when I was out at work. The number and messages shown by the guy also match my partner’s and was when I was away with work.

I obviously confronted my partner and told him and he’s insisting he never cheated on me and is innocent. We are living together and it will be difficult to move out during lockdown. I’ve never questioned my partner’s love, he gives me attention and I’m always the centre of his world. My friends and family have said the same and that he would never do that to me and they can all see how much In love we both are.

What do I do?!!!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 16/05/2020 16:13

What more proof are you looking for? A video recording of them? Or a full confession, because you won't get that kind of proof.

This is the third thread or fourth thread recently, where the proof is there, but the OP is still doubtful.

Reallynowdear · 16/05/2020 17:27

Take him up on his offer of going to the police, right now.

See what happens to his attitude then.

If he is innocent, he'll rush along with you.

If he's guilty, he won't want to 'waste their time'.

homebaker88 · 16/05/2020 19:42

So I contacted a police friend of mine and she says that a lot of people will make a report to the police because they still don’t want to admit the cheating. I called his bluff and said I’d contacted the police and that they would have to screen both of our phones as well just to build a stronger case. I even said they’d be able to access deleted WhatsApp messages. AND GUESS WHAT. I’ve got my confession, he was bricking it and asking me to withdraw the statement with the police (there was none). What a pathetic liar. I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.

OP posts:
Reallynowdear · 16/05/2020 19:59

What a shit.

You did the right thing OP, please don't forget how far he was prepared to go with this lie x

Fizzysours · 16/05/2020 20:00

He's the stupid one. Hugs xx

BumbleBeee69 · 16/05/2020 20:06

Good on you OP.. you forced him to admit he's a filthy lying scum bag .. end this now lady Flowers

Summerdays250 · 16/05/2020 20:13

There is something you can do to see the date and time the photo was taken, it will break down the information of the photo.
Google it

Summerdays250 · 16/05/2020 20:15

Sorry just seen you updated.
Well done very clever of you.
I’m sorry he cheated now go find a decent man!
X

SandyY2K · 16/05/2020 23:22

So now you can tell your family he was cheating. I'm glad you have the truth with no doubt.

Look forward to a future without him. What a timewaster he was.

homebaker88 · 17/05/2020 02:09

Update: I’m at my mums.... and after hours of talking and digging, it turns out HE was sending some of the messages from the previous guy!!!!! He wanted me to himself so pretending the other guy was crazy etc, I feel so betrayed. Can’t sleep with all this

OP posts:
0DETTE · 17/05/2020 08:18

I’m glad you are at your mums and have some space to think.

But how weird that he was sending the messages that were supposedly from your ex. How did you find this out ?

homebaker88 · 17/05/2020 10:42

His brother knew about it, and thought that’s what I had found out and not the cheating!!!! Just goes to show, you really don’t know who you’re living with!!!

OP posts:
ladymary86 · 17/05/2020 11:26

That is utterly disgraceful behaviour OP. What he has done is abusive and form of coercive control. Disgusting.
Glad to hear you're at your Mum's

ErickBroch · 17/05/2020 11:28

So sorry OP. I suspected from your posts that he was behind most of these scary messages and calls from this guy.

category12 · 17/05/2020 11:38

Quite the psycho.

Summerdays250 · 17/05/2020 17:02

A very scary situation!
Also very strange behaviour, he must seek help alone.
So glad you got out of that and was smart enough to find out and dig to get the truth. I wish you all the best and keep us updated on how are you.
Thanks

SusieOwl4 · 17/05/2020 17:22

How calculating can you get. Glad you called his bluff.

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/05/2020 17:58

I was actually going to suggest that he either was, or was encouraging, the ex guy, in order to have the perfect cover for bad behaviour.

BumbleBeee69 · 17/05/2020 21:13

Oh my fucking god... what have I just read.. I am so sorry this is happening to you.. I hope your Mum is supporting you

You need to take time out and focus on you.. Flowers

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