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Original poster

Is he lying?

69 replies

homebaker88 · 16/05/2020 12:01

Really need some outsiders’ perspective on this.

A few years ago, I was seeing this amazing guy who I completely fell for but I wasn’t getting the attention/commitment I wanted. He said he felt the same but was wanting to take things slower. So basically, I’m not proud of it but I cut things off with him suddenly without telling him and blocked his number etc. He kept tried contacting me continuously off different numbers and got his friends to contact me to, but each time I blocked them because I just didn’t want to have the conversation. A couple of weeks after that I met my current partner. When we got together he used to see how much the previous guy would try and contact me and how weird it got. I was constantly having to block numbers. A year in from then, I got engaged to my current partner and we moved in together. Everything was going so well until one day I got an anonymous phone call from someone telling me he was cheating. I told my partner and instantly we both thought it was linked to the previous guy so I didn’t take any notice and changed my number.

About 6 months after that, in the space of a week someone came up to me and told me my partner has been having an affair. He showed me evidence of messages etc. I dismissed it to friends and family and my partner said it was probably that guy again. A few days after that, someone who said they were a mutual friend of me and my partner, messaged me and said they didn’t want to say who they were because they didn’t want to fall out with anyone... but the cheating accusations were true. I was then shown a picture of my partner kissing another woman!!! The date the photo was taking was when I was out at work. The number and messages shown by the guy also match my partner’s and was when I was away with work.

I obviously confronted my partner and told him and he’s insisting he never cheated on me and is innocent. We are living together and it will be difficult to move out during lockdown. I’ve never questioned my partner’s love, he gives me attention and I’m always the centre of his world. My friends and family have said the same and that he would never do that to me and they can all see how much In love we both are.

What do I do?!!!

OP posts:
metronome1 · 16/05/2020 13:37

If you believe your dh then yes you should contact the police ASAP because that level of stalking is very serious and worrying

metronome1 · 16/05/2020 13:40

Well any level of stalking is worrying but you know what I mean

0DETTE · 16/05/2020 13:41

So can I just check I understand your partners theory about the photo?

He says that your ex took a photo of him kissing someone and then photoshopped it with a photo of a random woman. Then he stalked you to see when you were away at work and altered the time stamp of the photo to match when you were away.

How exactly did your ex get your partner to pose for the photo? The original one that he used to alter ?

Bluntness100 · 16/05/2020 13:43

I think she’s trying to believe it’s a photo shopped image, luckily taken at a time she was a way and that the ex got three people involved in the plan, all to tell her the same made up story.

Seriously I think that’s what she’s trying to believe. Rather than dump her cheating partners arse.

YappityYapYap · 16/05/2020 13:45

I do find it very odd that you've previously had a stalker then now all of a sudden there's people out there that know your partners moves enough to find him kissing another woman! That's odd isn't it? Why would anyone get invested enough to get all this proof? What's the source of the proof? If you were just a normal couple with no previous stalkers, it would be very hard for anyone, never mind several people, to have all this evidence unless they were emotionally invested enough in your welfare such as a sister, brother, best friend etc, to follow your partner, take photos, source messages etc.

It seems iffy to me and photoshops can be very convincing these days. Also, your partner is willing to go to the police to possibly end up looking a major twat? Why?

category12 · 16/05/2020 13:49

Say, for arguments sake, it was a stalker-ex - the only way he could get a photo of your dp kissing someone else is either a. there's an old photo on the internet he has changed the date-stamp on or b. he photoshopped it.

He'd have to be a bloody good photoshopper to make it look real, so unless you're going to tell us what a technical whizz he was, I call bollocks on b.

You can try reverse-image searching the photo to see if it's an old one snatched from the web. There's TinEye and other sites that will do that for you.

monkeymonkey2010 · 16/05/2020 13:50

Hang on - you've seen a picture of him kissing another woman, complete with dates....and you're still doubting? Shock

isthismylifenow · 16/05/2020 13:51

Get everything together, including names of people who told you about the affair as well as the photo. Tell your DP he needs to go to the police station with you as they will be able to pick up if the photo is shopped or not. Then see his reaction.

Musti · 16/05/2020 13:53

It sounds very odd. Who on earth takes a picture of a couple kissing?? And it seems weird that all these random people are trying to convince you that he's cheating.

monkeymonkey2010 · 16/05/2020 13:53

Seems to me you just don't like 'confrontation' - and also use it to avoid facing up to reality.

Original poster
homebaker88 · 16/05/2020 13:54

I never said a stalker, it was a guy I cut off suddenly from with no explanation and he tried to contact me for a few months afterwards. Said he wanted closure. I didn’t give it, and like I said I’m not proud of how I handled it.

The guy who told me was trying to catch his own partner cheating so that’s why he has proof. He wanted to find out who the guy was.

After it all happened I was round my friends house with a group of mutual friends, I got that message after the meeting. I’ve narrowed it down to the friends that were there. The message I received was in my native Ghanaian language (neither my current partner or the previous guy are from there or know the language).

OP posts:
LexMitior · 16/05/2020 13:58

It is totally socially weird to have people you don’t know telling you that your partner is cheating. Utterly. Why?

It is even weirder that there is this photo.

I don’t know what your partner is like. But if he is protective, decent man, then going to the police is right. He will not want to do that unless he thinks there is something wrong. But it has to be criminally so.

If you had a stalky Ex then I find this highly suspicious and very sinister. Report it.

category12 · 16/05/2020 13:58

I say stalker because he kept trying to contact you from different numbers etc.

But it seems really unlikely if those attempts at contact stopped then that a year later he'd start up again by making anonymous phone calls about your current bloke cheating. Far more likely it's the OW or someone connected.

Original poster
homebaker88 · 16/05/2020 14:03

My partner and I work at the same place and the guy who told me was actually coming to look for my partner. He didn’t know who I was and I told him I’m his partner can I help. The man was very upset and then told me

OP posts:
doublestriker · 16/05/2020 14:05

I don't understand. What explanation does your partner have for the kissing photo? You're not answering that OP'

UncleBillyLostHisWilly · 16/05/2020 14:05

Yeh, people don't just go around to people places of work and accuse them of affairs for no reason.

He's got proof, you just so happened to be there when the guy came to confront your partner.

category12 · 16/05/2020 14:11

Basically, your alleged stalker has been handy cover for your partner to blame things on.

SuckingDownDarjeeling · 16/05/2020 14:19

Yes leave him. Just leave him. There's a picture of him kissing somebody else and you clearly have no other reason why that would be the case or you would have answered at least one person about that by now. So leave him.

LittleWing80 · 16/05/2020 14:24

The guy who told me was trying to catch his own partner cheating so that’s why he has proof. He wanted to find out who the guy was.

Now that makes s lot more sense OP. No matter how you look at it, the only acceptable / genuine explanation from your DP could have been: ‘oh this is an old photo of me and mary I was seeing 10 years ago, your stalker ex would have found it and sent it. But clearly if the one who sent it to you is the woman’s partner, then you have your answer.

Your DP immediately deflecting and pretending to want to go to the police actually proves he has no good explanation for the photo.

Sorry OP 💐

Gobbycop · 16/05/2020 15:28

Well you can either believe a bizarre explanation of a photoshopped image of him kissing another woman or the more likely explanation that it's a picture of him kissing another woman.

Call his obvious bluff and go to the police, or take the image to anyone that processes photos to get their opinion on if it's photoshopped.

Greenkit · 16/05/2020 15:35

Is it a picture of your partner and another woman kissing?

If so you have your proof!

ladymary86 · 16/05/2020 15:36

Of course he is lying. There is a photo of him kissing another woman!
You may as well not have written the first long part of your past about the guy from years ago - he has nothing to do with this. You partner is using it to try and cover up his behaviour OP.

Open your eyes!!!

SnakesandKnives · 16/05/2020 15:40

The OPs updates at least make it more understandable now as to how she found out. Still unusual amount of proof, but heh

Re: photo. The timeframe of the OP is ‘ a few years’. So prior to that new man could have been kissing whoever he wants and not cheating. It would only appear cheating if told ‘and this was last week’. Surely this isn’t a difficult concept and doesn’t require photoshop or similar?!

AlternativePerspective · 16/05/2020 15:42

So the woman your partner is having an affair with is the wife of this first bloke?

Even if this ex was inappropriate,the idea that he did all this is completely implausible.

It’s very simple.The bloke turned up at your partner’s work to confront him you were there so he saw this as his opportunity to tell you that his wife has been shagging your DP.

Once your DP was able to convince you that there was nothing to this story they had to be able to prove it. At this point the messages were sent both with the phone number, the messages and the picture.

not only is your DP having an affair, but he’s gaslighting you into thinking that it must have been this other bloke, when you know deep down it couldn’t be.

Incidentally,might be worth looking up the other bloke on social media to see what he’s up to these days (don’t contact him obviously but an fb profile can tell you a lot,) chances are he’s moved on/is in another relationship by now,and then you can confront your DP with that as well to prove the bloke was unlikely to still be lusting after you after all these years.

Lipz · 16/05/2020 15:48

He's lying and he's cheating.

There is way too many people involved here for a set up, they can't all be lying.

You have concrete proof of messages and a Photo that he is cheating.

The man who showed you the photo doesn't know you. He was checking on his wife for cheating, why would he make it up.

Photoshop is very easy to spot, you can tell by the placement of the head and face, shadows, lines not lining up. Sure the celebs can't even get it right and they use the best technology.

Your bloke is lying, it's as clear as day and he is saying this to try convince you, who does he think he is... Prince Andrew.... Denying a photo. I've used Photoshop and the head and face is the hardest thing to change. There is always tell tale signs. If you feel you need to check the photo closer, scan it to your PC or send it to yourself if not a hard copy. Then zoom in as big as you need. You'll see if his head is stuck on. This works better on a PC than a phone.