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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex wife saying baby is not mine

27 replies

MuyBien · 15/05/2020 15:12

Hi all, me and my ex broke up two months ago. She told me she was dating someone else and then one and a half weeks later she moved him in!

This new guy wasn't new but a very close friend that she has been spending time with over the years and I was under the assumption she was seeing her female friend who was also living there.

I had information passed on to me which are screenshots of conversations. Very informative indeed. The information was the baby was his and not mine. These conversations were between a relative of this guy and this person's friend. It was disgusting to read and I was in a world of pain.

I quickly did a paternity test and found out the baby was mine!!! To tell you I was worried would be an understatement as I love my child so much. My child is still young.

As far as I know my ex is lying to this guy and his family about the baby being his.

I don't understand what she is doing because this is sick. I'm just waiting for her to tell me the baby is not mine.

Forgot to say clearly she has been cheating for a long time.

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 15/05/2020 15:15

Paternity tests need to be via a reputable company and with the dm's dna for best results.
Ime.

GrumpyHoonMain · 15/05/2020 15:15

Go to court and get 50/50 visitation rights. It will all come out if she denies you’re the father because you can produce the results or the court can request another paternity test

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 15/05/2020 15:30

Are you married? Are you on the child's birth certificate?

If you are not on the child's birth certificate go to Court to formally get parental responsibility. If you aren't the child's father then she will need to prove it. (All the information is on .gov.uk)

In the UK we don't have visitation. So once you get parental responsibility you are suppose to reach an agreement over spending time with your child. If you cannot reach the agreement informally then that's when you need to involve mediators and then go to Court. Make sure you send her written verfication e.g. an email of any informal arrangements you make to spend time with your child. This will help you if you later have to go to Court.

You should also go to the CMS website to calculate child maintenance and pay it to her from your bank account. Do not give her cash. Make sure any monthly payments state "child maintenance".

Purpleartichoke · 15/05/2020 15:33

Go to court and get your rights and responsibilities formally recognized. You don’t need to wait to see what story she goes with. Let the dna test and the legal process take care of everything.

Windyatthebeach · 15/05/2020 15:43

Be aware courts will order testing via their appointed dna company and will issue a court order for your ex to take one also.
Ime.

Lifeisconfusing · 15/05/2020 15:58

My dh ex had a baby my dh had him for 12 years every weekend then there was a rumour in the village that the child wasn’t his, he had a paternity test private and it came back then the son wasn’t his after all. My dh rang the csa and they arranged another paternity test with the mother the child and my dh and of course the son wasn’t his. My dh ended up getting some maintenance back that he had paid. It’s shocking that someone can do this.

bunbunbun · 15/05/2020 18:16

Go to court and get your rights and responsibilities formally recognized. You don’t need to wait to see what story she goes with. Let the dna test and the legal process take care of everything.

Please do this. Don't do what so many do and wait until the child is older then say "your mum wouldn't let me see you." Fight for your child. You love them, it's worth fighting for. Good luck Thanks

Original poster
MuyBien · 15/05/2020 20:35

Hi everyone, the lies she's putting out is starting to distort my own sense of reality.

Technically we are not really married, well on paper anyways and I am on the birth certificate.

I also see my child every two days to take him out she does use he's sleep as an excuse for me not to take him out!!

The thing is I have personal messages back and forth between the mum and her friend but her friends has screenshot the messages and sent to a friend who has shown them to me. They all look legit.

The mum of this guy thinks she is a grandparent because my ex has done a paternity test. I have done one too when I found out and it says I am the father. I starting to believe I'm not the father even though the email pdf report says I am.

OP posts:
cakecakecheese · 15/05/2020 20:45

Get legal advice, reputable tests and stop listening to gossip. Hopefully the child is yours and you can continue to be a part of their life and move on with yours, not thinking about what your ex gets up to unless it affects the child's wellbeing.

Reallynowdear · 15/05/2020 20:53

Either you are married or you are not.

It sounds like you're listening to gossip.

What did your ex say to you when you had a conversation with her about this issue?

TheGeneralsBack · 15/05/2020 20:54

Bj

BlackAndWhiteCat01 · 15/05/2020 20:55

Technically we are not really married, well on paper anyways and I am on the birth certificate

So are you married or not?

Elieza · 15/05/2020 21:04

Eh, sort of married, multiple paternity tests apparently with different answers by the sound of it making both guys the father. What is going on here.

Defo get to court and get it sorted.

Original poster
MuyBien · 15/05/2020 21:19

Ok we are not married. Maybe I should just speak to her and see what the hell is going on. This goes far beyond any gossip I have ever see in my life. It make a great April fools prank.

OP posts:
Samtsirch · 15/05/2020 21:30

OP is English your first language?
Are you in the UK?

bunbunbun · 15/05/2020 21:39

Was the paternity test that you organised by a reputable independent lab and did you personally see the results first hand?

Regardless you need to get this sorted ASAP because it sounds like there are lots of people gossiping about something instead of behaving like adults and putting the child's interest and security first.

user1471565182 · 15/05/2020 21:47

Whats his first language got to do with it?

Doowop20 · 15/05/2020 21:49

You don’t seem sure about the test you had.

Elieza · 15/05/2020 23:25

You can’t believe a word that woman says. She’s lied to everyone to manipulate them.

Was she involved in taking the test or was it a case of you taking the child to a place that does tests and they took some hair or saliva or blood or something from the child.

How did you get whatever from her?

Or was it a case if you paid and she did the required things and posted them, in which case it’s not worth the paper it’s written on.

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 16/05/2020 06:57

OP did you just have a religious marriage?

Anyway if you are in the UK delibrately lying on the birth certificate is a crime.

Yes speak to her and as PPs get an approved paternity test - the CMS will do one for a charge. (The CSA doesn't exist for new cases. ) If you are not the father you can decide from there whether to take it further.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 16/05/2020 07:01

You need to cut all the drama here and just get a lawyer.

Original poster
MuyBien · 15/07/2020 21:32

Hi all, sorry for running off last time.

I found out she had been cheating before our baby was born. I think for about 18 months. She moved the guy she was cheating with into her rented flat with our kids. I then found out a few weeks later he was the father. I also did a DNA test after and it was confirmed I was the father. I've not seen my son in 2 months as she says that I can't see him until a DNA test show's who the father is. I've showed her my DNA test (99.99%) but I have never seen her's. I keep asking for a DNA test so that she is satisfied who the father is but she won't do one. I think she wants me out of the picture.

We have a 9 year old that I still have regular access with. We have had a few issues with access but it seems to be ok now

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 15/07/2020 22:00

Stop messing around with communicating with Her.. get a Lawyer and go to Court...

Original poster
MuyBien · 15/07/2020 22:24

@BumbleBeee69

Stop messing around with communicating with Her.. get a Lawyer and go to Court...
Hi, I have been making progress. I've tried mediation but she wouldn't do it. I got the court form so I can take it to court. My solicitor on Tuesday sent a letter to her. I don't know if I should get my c100 sorted out. All these things take time and at this rate I might not see my son for 4 or 5 months. If I'm lucky I might see him before his first birthday

I just don't know why she would do this.
Every father know's what it's like to be there when your child is born. I love my son. Why!!

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 15/07/2020 22:34

She is doing this because she can... and is playing happy families with this new man in her life...

The Courts will not look lightly upon her actions, in preventing a child contact with it's parent..

you need to try to stay focused .. no threats... no angry texts that can be used against you at a later date... you're doing all the right things OP .. good luck