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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Convinced my OH is cheating..

28 replies

chelsiekxoxo · 14/05/2020 22:55

So long story short, since lockdown I’ve noticed he’s been very private with his phone. I hadn’t looked on there for a good few years (we’ve been together for 5 yrs). Around a week ago I decided to have a look so I put in his password and found he had been adding girls on Facebook (the girl
Who took his virginity also!) and he had added and liked a girls pictures (she’d sent him dirty pics in the past before we were together). Obviously I was upset but he talked it down to being only a like so I said for him to delete her off Facebook. I also saw on his search history he had searched for a girl in particular back in December (I’ve never heard of her) randomly and blocked her. I remember my OH staying out the night some time In December and said he’d stayed at a mates but it didn’t add up. I messaged this girl off an account with a different name and politely asked how she knew him. She ignored my message and went on to message my OH on Facebook a screenshot and the ‘?’ I then messaged her back and put a question mark to which she said ‘who even are you’ she then writ again ‘I don’t fucking know him’ and she sent a screen shot of his Facebook saying ‘him?’ I said yes and she said ‘you must be the baby mom then’ I replied I thought you didn’t know him? (He has no pictures of kids or anything on his page) she then said ‘just go away you silly girl’ with a lot of laughing faces. Since then he’s changed his phone password and is getting a lot of texts. I vaguely saw one there was about 10 messages in a row off someone and he quickly replied and deleted the messages. He’s just announced tonight that he’s going to see his friend outside for a bit on the weekend (he told me they weren’t really speaking last week). I said we should be socially distancing and he said he would. I said well you can bring him here if you want into the garden to which he got all flustered and said no we’re going for a walk. He’s also just got a new phone coming tomorrow with a new SIM card... ? Am I being crazy?? He keeps hiding his phone, he’s been avoiding me since I text her. Earlier he went outside in the garden on his phone (it’s quite cold) for about half an hour texting. This was after he announced his plans.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 14/05/2020 22:58

Nope. You are not crazy. Very suspicious.

chelsiekxoxo · 14/05/2020 23:00

Thankyou, I feel like I am going out of my mind! I could’ve trusted him with Beyoncé in the room before and now I just don’t know what to think.

OP posts:
Mintlegs · 14/05/2020 23:03

Listen to your gut, watch and wait and try to act normal

Namechangex10000 · 14/05/2020 23:04

My mind would be in the exact same place as yours, presumably he now knows you’ve messaged the girl so why not just front him with it? How can he deny the behaviour?!

chelsiekxoxo · 14/05/2020 23:08

Honestly, I’m so scared of finding something bad out. I’ve clearly been blinded to how he really is, as now I’m thinking back to so many sneaky things that I put down to normal (they’re really not). I recently found two valentines cards stuffed under the bed, I didn’t receive one so obviously
not mine. When I asked he said that he forgot to give me (he got me presents).

OP posts:
chelsiekxoxo · 14/05/2020 23:08

Oh and he had trouble choosing between, but I didn’t get either!

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chelsiekxoxo · 14/05/2020 23:13

Oh she also said, he lives up the road from me... I thought she said she didn’t know him?

OP posts:
Artandlove · 14/05/2020 23:13

Trust your gut feeling. The person who said for you to just go away...that’s not a normal or innocent response after being asked about something like that.

chelsiekxoxo · 14/05/2020 23:15

She seemed to be very defensive, also playing down my role to ‘baby mom’, we’re engaged together for 5 years lived together for 4 and have 3 kids!

OP posts:
Ryah1 · 14/05/2020 23:18

Sounds like he’s cheating. Always trust your gut.

Adelais · 14/05/2020 23:34

It does sound suspicious. Is there anyway you can check whether he meets the friend at the weekend?

chelsiekxoxo · 14/05/2020 23:36

Also may I add he’s shaved completely down there, hasn’t in 5 years we’ve been together and when I asked why he said that the hairs been pulling him at work or something. Never moaned before!

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MUM2019MARVEL · 14/05/2020 23:38

Can I quickly ask what didn't add up about him staying at his friend's when he went out for a drink? And also why did you check his phone years ago (did you have the same feeling then about him cheating/messaging other women) Because if you've had this feeling for a while you need to do something about it or you will resent him. Just let this play out in your head for a minute..imagine you sit him down and ask out right. If he says no, would you accept that with this new strange behaviour change? Can you accept that he'd say "I'm telling you the truth, nothings going on"? If not I wouldn't even bother asking and just leave..no-one deserves to be second best ever! But if you can accept it as his answer and trust he's being faithful dispite what you think then you just might be stronger in the long run..but I'm so sorry to say, if he's being sneaky and your looking for things on his phone/Facebook then you have your answer. I hope for both you and your family's sale he's not doing the dirty but you need to find out for your own sanity as this can and will drive you mad.

LovingLola · 14/05/2020 23:41

What’s your financial situation?
Do you work ?
I’d ditch him ASAP, get an sti check and put in a claim for maintenance

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 14/05/2020 23:41

I would be going for a 'walk' with the 3 kids in tow to the same place. He must think you're an idiot, he's not very subtle is he?

chelsiekxoxo · 14/05/2020 23:51

Not since lockdown! I’m guessing he done all his cheating in person before!

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chelsiekxoxo · 14/05/2020 23:58

No not currently working, had our youngest 8 weeks ago x

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ZimbaZomba1345 · 15/05/2020 00:06

Sorry but sounds suspicious, if you can’t trust your partner, then I’m afraid it’s over! There are many warning signs there, whether you choose to carry on as you are, or confront it, is up to you though but I know I would choose to confront him!

bembridge11 · 15/05/2020 00:06

He is sleeping around
If you have sex with him use a condom for your one safety

BojoKilledMyMojo · 15/05/2020 00:11

Ordinarily I eye roll like mad at all the cries of posters partners cheating.

But he's cheating. At a guess it seems like he's telling women you're his ex, hence the baby mum thing. If his pubes were pulling at work, and I really can't fathom why that would be as humans have had them for a fairly long time, surely the answer is underwear. Of course anyone is free to shave their pubes off whenever they want to, but that's a garbage explanation.

The phone business is unacceptable.

SandyY2K · 15/05/2020 00:54

He's cheating...but I suspect you know this deep down, but are afraid of the truth.

•You didn't get either valentines day card.

•New phone...New sim
•Deleting texts
•Shaving down below
• Shady behaviour
• Sneaky calls
•He's going out to meet his "mate" ..he's lying.

All while you have an 8 week of baby...sorry.

Iloveme30 · 15/05/2020 01:20

Kick him out the door pronto, do not put up with that you need your energy for your baby , he’s a twat sorry your going through this Flowers

chelsiekxoxo · 15/05/2020 03:19

He’s only acting like this since I’ve messaged her, I’m going to ask about her tomorrow see his reaction

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MsDogLady · 15/05/2020 04:54

He is acting like a single man. He is cheating.

In your thread from 2 days ago, you told how he has recently:

-Changed his passwords on everything
-Hidden his FB friends list
-Added 500 women to FB
-Deleted Explicit Photo Woman from FB but then lied about adding her to Instagram
-Minimized, called you psycho, and lied that he didn’t remember adding the women when you questioned him.
-Very reluctantly allowed you to use his phone to call your mother and then rushed you off

Now you are writing about other dodgy behavior and your exchange with Rude Woman. He is certainly lying about his weekend plans.

He is choosing to betray you. Is this the relationship model that you want to teach your children? Show him the door, OP.

Redskylark · 15/05/2020 08:03

Sorry you're going through this. If hes not cheating now he has in the past. If he just forgot to give you a valentines card where are they?