Not sure if my partner is cheating

[Jordimum]

I got a call from someone telling me that my other half has been sleeping with his wife. I didn’t confront my partner straight away because I wanted evidence and waited until he was out to call back. Anyway, the person gave me screenshots of messages between him and his wife and it’s my partners picture and number. I also looked at the dates and it was when I was working (my partner works shifts so is at home a lot during the day).

I ended up confronting him and he says he’s been set up and that it’s his jealous ex girlfriend. I’ve been cheated on before in the past badly and he says I need to trust him and he’s not my ex.

What do you think? Am I being naive if I believe him? Or am I being oversensitive because of my past relationship?

You mentioned your partner ended things badly with this woman - can you throw some light on this?

Did he cheat with you whilst he was with this woman?

Why would his family and friends defend him?
The same reason you would. They don’t want to believe he would do something like that but you’ve seen the proof. And it’s not about them nor is it their decision. This is about you and what kind of relationship you want to have. I agree with others go with your gut feeling. He will just keep trying to explain it away and make you question yourself. That is not healthy and can you live like that always wondering?

Tbf they are hardly gonna go 'well what a surprise, he's a bastard, what did you expect?'.

We all want to think the best of ppl. Until they screw us over. Then hopefully we tell them to sling their hook. And everyone else can think what they like, cause it isnt them he treated shuadely. Yet.

My ex boyfriend was the nicest guy we all knew. When we broke up we carried on spending the occasional night together every couple of months as we were both single. We were also in touch quite a lot over text.
This went on, on and off for a couple of years. We had separated lives completely - not on each others SM, no mutual friends etc. During one of the times we had met up and were texting etc I got a call from an unknown number. It was his GF, she had been suspicious of him, got my number from his phone and called me. He had told her I was a crazy ex who wouldnt leave him alone...she believed him. So yes, unfortunately even the nicest of people can cheat, lie and create a crazy ex scenario when they have to. I guarantee none of his friends or family would think him capable if it. I was clueless too until that call!
Dont ignore solid evidence - you know its far fetched someone would photoshop screenshots and rope in a man to call you.

He will come up with some BS story , even when you present the evidence to him , the screenshots with his number etc .
He will tell you they are not genuine , his crazy ex has found out his number and has found a way to make him look like he’s cheating on you . You will hear it all . Cheaters lie , it’s what they do . You could walk in on him as she was giving him a BJ and he would have an excuse for it .
When you read the messages , do they sound familiar . Is that how he types , talks etc .
As for the I would be mad to do it with your mum round here , Fuck , they ALL say that . Do you think I’d risk doing that and losing what we have ? Just look on here and see how many times men and women say that to their DP, when they are indeed fucking someone else . It means nothing . Some of them genuinely enjoy the thrill of the danger of getting caught . It’s part of the reason they do it , so don’t be blinded by that little gem .
Sorry op ,looks like you have found another dog .

Shaggy explained your partner's approach to being caught. It is such a common ludicrous yet effective tactic there was a hugely popular song about it.

I approve of your use of Shaggy in philosophical debate @TorkTorkBam

It’s just so weird, because I told his mum and some of our close friends and they said no way would he do that to me. They are all defending him saying he’s innocent? They say He proposed to me and is in love with me etc and not seen him like this with anyone else.

Why would they defend him? Loyalty.

In the year running up to finding out my ex was cheating, I remember sitting for a whole afternoon telling his mother about my suspicions about his so called friendship with the OW (his work colleague) as he had told his parents that I was suffering a 'breakdown'. She categorically refused to think he could do such a thing. When it all came out, she still refused to believe he had cheated and said the OW was a 'shoulder to cry on' because I had left him!! The one thing I regretted was not showing his parents the screen shots of the messages I found between them as it would have been concrete proof. His dad believed me and then a few months after the split, I met his mum and she broke down crying and apologised - they had recently come out as a couple following the 'sensible' two month gap since I left him on finding out about him cheating. Nobody thought he would do this or be capable of it, yet he did.

The fact you have been cheated on before is a card for your current DP to play, now he is cheating. He can turn it around onto you and say you are blowing things out of proportion because of your past and start making you doubt yourself. The fact that there seems to be glaring evidence to his cheating, he is bare faced lying. Some cheats come clean, some drip feed, some like my ex..blatantly lie because they don't want their reputation sullied or for people to think they are cheating scum.

I approve of your user name @PaulHollywoodsSexGut

He said that he will call the police if she continues
Tell him to call them now!
He needs to do it in front of you.
I'd be interested to know how he explains it to the police!

@ pinkmonkeybird that’s horrible!! So sorry to hear that hun, how did you find out?

@Jordimum I found out by checking his phone. He had been deleting their messages each day on Whatsapp. The evening I found the solid information he was having a shower and had left his phone in the bedroom. I knew his pattern for swipe-lock access (he thought I didn't, but I'd clocked him doing it one day) so opened his phone. There were a trail of messages for that day and nothing previous, but you could tell from the message trail that he had deleted the day before etc. So I took photos of them on my phone and put his phone back down. When he came out of the shower he was getting ready to take the dog out and I confronted him.

I'm nearly 2 years on and thankful to be where I am today. After finding out, although I had been bare face lied to, I felt like something had lifted off my shoulders. He had gaslighted me for over a year leading to me suffering extreme anxiety and stress..which he used as the excuse to his parents.

I will never allow that to happen again. I'm in a new relationship now with someone who is kind, emotionally mature and lovely. He knows about what happened and he also knows I'm very secure in myself. What I mean in that respect is that I was enjoying being a single person and didn't need a relationship to define me. It took an awful long time to realise that in my life and whilst what happened with my ex was awful, it helped me learn a lot about myself!