Not sure if my partner is cheating

[Jordimum]

I got a call from someone telling me that my other half has been sleeping with his wife. I didn’t confront my partner straight away because I wanted evidence and waited until he was out to call back. Anyway, the person gave me screenshots of messages between him and his wife and it’s my partners picture and number. I also looked at the dates and it was when I was working (my partner works shifts so is at home a lot during the day).

I ended up confronting him and he says he’s been set up and that it’s his jealous ex girlfriend. I’ve been cheated on before in the past badly and he says I need to trust him and he’s not my ex.

What do you think? Am I being naive if I believe him? Or am I being oversensitive because of my past relationship?

If they have screenshots of the number that is your partners then I’d be inclined to believe that he has cheated. Do the messages look and sound asif your partner has written them? I.e spelling, grammar, phrases?

Sorry you’re going through this

But we haven’t heard anything from her in like two years!

Or it’s been skilfully hidden for two years.

Sorry OP. Sounds legit x

He said that he will call the police if she continues but my ex did the same thing to deter me and turns out her WAS cheating. I think they always drop the police in it as it’s an easy escape.

He’s doing the whole thing of why would I trust a stranger over him? Let me go through his phone etc but I know he’s not stupid and could’ve deleted it

Gosh you are quite gullible or desperate to pretend lies are the truth.

Look, you had overwhelming evidence. Yet you did a weird little dance of tell him a bit and see what he says instead of chucking him immediately. Bit odd but not that odd. He fails the test spectacularly making up lies that are completely obvious given your extra undisclosed information.

So why the blimming heck are you twisting yourself up knots?

He fucked the bloke's wife. He's lying about it because that's what cheaters do. Don't breathe a word about the rest of the information you've got, just tell him it is over, he is chucked.

Unless you want to be in another relationship with a cheater.

Why are you discussing it with him at all? It's not a court of law. It's him being dumped by you. You don't have to listen to his shit. You sure as hell don't have to respond and debate.

Yeh he sounds like a bullshitter.
'If she continues' aye cause she hasn't done enough already xD call his bluff and tell him you'll go with him right now to make a statement of harassment. Bet he will refuse. Looking shifty as fuck while doing so.

So his jealous ex has gone to the trouble of photoshopping messages, working out when he's at work so the times fit, finding out his new telephone number and ropping in some bloke to go to your house?

Hi OP, do you know how her husband managed to get your number?

My mum lives near our road and pops by sometimes. He said would he be stupid enough to when my mum is here etc

If you are determined that you need rock solid proof, I think you need to text /phone the supposed OW's partner back, and ask him if he'll be so kind as to tell you how he knows for certain. Unless his wife has confessed all, or he has concrete proof that it was your partner and not a deranged Ex, you'll never know for certain unless he confesses himself.

In your shoes I don't think I could ever contemplate continuing the relationship without knowing for certain. Too much doubt. Sucks for your partner if he is genuinely innocent, but I'm sure if that's the case then he'd understand you talking to the man making the allegation, and indeed, if I was your partner and I was innocent, I'd probably want to talk to the man himself just to get to the bottom of everything.

Yeah, call his bluff, say it is so serious you are not going to wait for another incident, you are calling 101 right away. Then pick up the phone and start dialling. Watch his desperation.

Or stop giving any credence to such ridiculous nonsense and tell him he is chucked.

I think you can be fairly sure he's cheating.

*myself, not himself

Do what? Have the other woman over?

Sure he would.
If he was thinking with his little head.

And felt he was getting one over on you, who lives there...so why would it be any more difficult to get one over on his mum, who lives down the road?

It’s just horrible because they really get in your head you know?

I can’t think of any more solid evidence than he’s given me apart from walking in on them! But his reaction has made me question myself instead. And as he says, I’ve had a bad relationship before and I know it can taint my views sometimes x

OP.. we are also 'strangers' albeit on a thread... we are not driven by emotions and can see clearer for this very reason... The Caller has nothing to gain by calling... your OH has everything to lose .. He is lying..

Just so devastated that I’ve ended up with another cheat
You've only ended up with a cheat if you stay with him. Otherwise you've ended up single and available, until maybe you meet someone better.

Ugh. So basically 'you're nuts'.
I think I'd shift him op. Too many bad excuses. And trying to turn it round on you.

Yeah I would leave him straight away. He's managed to give your number to his ex and her partner. God knows how friendly the three of them must be for that to happen.

You need to speak to the guy making the allegation. If his partner has confessed that they met and had sex, then it's definitely not a jealous Ex, is it?

It's not physical 'proof', but there's no reason at all for the woman to make that up about your partner, who would just be a random innocent bloke to her, and destroy her own relationship in the process.

I think you’re all right. Thanks, I know what I was thinking but just wanted an objective opinion on it all x

I found out from messages and screenshots in my past relationship, but the other guy had to come clean then. My current partner (soon to be ex) didn’t come clean. Maybe when I show him his number etc he will have another story.

The guy said he got my number through a friend of mine. But the friend doesn’t want to say who they are. I kinda get that, because no one wants to
Shoot the messenger or be put in the middle of it. Also, me and my partner share a lot of mutual friends now.

It’s just so weird, because I told his mum and some of our close friends and they said no way would he do that to me. They are all defending him saying he’s innocent? They say He proposed to me and is in love with me etc and not seen him like this with anyone else.

Why would they defend him?

Can you get this woman's number who he is supposedly cheating with? If so, text her from his phone something like "I can't believe your husband did that... I miss you." And see what the reply is.
You could even ask him to prove he's innocent by sending the text with you, and let him sweat while you both wait for the reply.

P.s. It doesn't even sound as though this is nesessary though. He's cheating I'm afraid.

This is terrible, OP.

Your partner is taking you for a fool by expecting you to believe his ‘I was set up’ lie. The evidence is there: messages, his new number, photo, and the exact dates/times you were out. He is also manipulating you by using your past experience as a cover.

You are understandably gutted, but OW’s partner has done you a huge favor by bringing you out of the dark. Your partner has put your sexual health at risk, so you need an STI test.

Maybe when I show him his number etc he will have another story.

But but but but WHY would you show him the rest of the evidence? You know you don't need his approval (or your mum's) to chuck him, right?

You need to go visit the chumplady site.