Does the thought of christmas and who to spend it with (famly members) stress you out?

[DrNortherner]

It does me.

Yes. It's so stressful. My brothers make v. little effort throughout the year to keep in touch so Christmas is painfully stilted. I do it to make sure my DCs get to know their cousins though.

As for DH's family, well, they don't even celebrate Christmas but they still manage to get a look in.

It's just really tiring travelling with little ones for just a three or four day visit (couldn't bear longer!), making polite conversation about lesbians and baking tins (MIL) and trying not to argue with brothers! And overlooking all but one SIL's frostiness and distinct stinginess when it comes to gifts for my DCs. It's not at all fun. I can't be bothered.

When my DCs are old enough, I'll just send them. I'll be off to a spa for Christmas .

Oh haychee sorry missed the thing about dp and dc wanting to go

I sympathise hugely

Every yr we end up with dhs dad and single brother with us, all bloody day, and they don't even bugger off when the dc are all in bed! Needless to say I tend to go to bed early sick of football talk. Last yr I managed to swing it so we could have my mum for xmas dinner, as we had't done in years, but felt so so guilty telling dhs family! They came round once she'd left, gave the dc an unreasonably large amount of gifts and stayed all bloody night again. This yr I am leaving it to dh to decide what he wants and sort it out because the stress and guilt starts for me about now. i would love to see them all and have them see the kids but then go! Leave us in peace to all snuggle up!

Urgh, yes - the stress has started already. I hopefully will be able to put my foot down and have a family Christmas (as in DH, DS and I) and not have to spend hours sitting gulping cigarette smoke in various houses.

Oh yes, this has already started

We always see my mum. She says we haven't got room for her at our house and wants us to go to her. There are 7 of us and her house is smaller than ours

Going to her means hiring a car and paying for kennels. Her here causes stress, especially for me. Then we get the ILs turning up at dinnertime.

Can we cancel christmas this year?

No because we made a decision when DH and I first moved in together that Christmas Day would always be spent at home, just the two (now three) of us, having fn as a family. It's been that way for the past 11 years and will continue like that for the foreseeable future. It works great.

We are then lucky that both our parents only live an hour away, in same town, and everyone gets on well.

Normally on Christmas Eve we try to visit both sets of parents - one for each meal

On the 23rd we visit my grandma as it is her birthday - see other family there too.

On Boxing Day both sets of parents and any siblings about come over to ours for the afternoon/evening.

Then see them individually again during the week/New Year.

New Year is only bit that varies. No idea what we are doing this year.

Not me - get a warm fuzzy glow thinking about Christmas, we alternate between PIL and my parents (they live along way so we can't do christmas day one, boxing day the other) and I love it. PIL are really close so we still get to wake up in our own beds etc one Christmas and when we are at my mum's she looks after us and feeds us every 20 mins

No, except when we go away at Christmas (once before and again this year) I do worry about my FIL missing out on the Festivities with my boys - his only grandchildren.

He's not unduly bothered, but I feel guilty.

yes

id invite both our mums who are on their own but mil insists on me inviting her two sons too - who are 42 and 37 (no partners/kids) - and just spend the time drinking - so now she makes a big huff and just pops in a day or two later which upsets dh

my dh then doesnt want me to invite my side of family as its 'not fair' aghhh

nope because we are anti-social at christmas and only ever spend it on our own

We are lucky, we dont have DGD (she goes to other grans with her mother, for Christmas day, so DGD, Father, DS and DDIL on the 24th they stay over from the evening of the 23rd, and DGD wakes up with her stocking as if it IS Christmas Day, (when she was little we told her Santa does special trips for little girls who dont live with their daddies.)

On Christmas Day Father is with the step monster (she never comes to our house) DS and DDIL see their friends (DDIL is South African so a bit far to go at Christmas) and DH and I just veg out on leftovers all day

Its Mr Meerkat's turn this year re Christmas and it looks like his parents will be arriving here on Christmas Day. So I will get to see but not taste her horrid sludge like gravy in all its glory.

BIL has announced that he's become an atheist so he will not visit. Suits me because I don't want him here anyway as he's a sh*t of the first order. Hopefully they may decide to stay at home with him. Once can but hope.

My Mum assumes we will spend it with her and Dad - poor Dh usually goes along with it even though my Mum feeds him like theres no tomorrow. But we live closer to his family so I don't mind going further afield one day a year. Mind you last Xmas my younger sister was heading down the route of alcoholism nicely which made for a fun Xmas day, this year she's pregnant - can't wait to see how this goes....

However can I be smug and note that I've started my shopping...Am I not alone???

Those of you who spend Christmas with just your dp and the dc's, are any of you only children leaving their parents alone?

We end up having everyone here as then no-one can complain, but they do. Dad has another family so he is OK, but Mom is on her own, my parents live 2.5hrs away, DH's 1/2hr.
Last year we had IL's,my Mom and DH's Grandma, I said "never again" but now both Mothers have invited us to theirs so we are doing it all again so no-one can moan (but they will). I don't want to go to IL's as they overcook their veg and will generally ignore me!
This also may be our last Christmas in the UK as hopefully we will be in NZ this time next year. So next year they will prob all be coming over to ours for 3mths! >

No. I am one of 8.

My 3 brothers are married, but one of my SIL is a nurse & their kids are older so she works Xmas day to give the other nurses with kids a break.

My other brother is married to a girl who never washes & my mam can't stand her.

Other brother & his wife live miles away over snowy mountains & my da likes a drink on Xmas day & my mam can't drive!

There are 5 girls.. Oldest has 3 kids & a very small house, so really no room.

Second one had them last year,

Third one has an ignorant bucker of a husband who my mam wouldn't stand an hour with, never mind a day.

Fourth is me... I have 2 small children.. erm.. My da makes me nervous... my ma cleans up after me... & puts my knickers in my drawer...oh & the small fact that in ten years of marraige I have cooked for them twice & both times my da reckoned the meat was too tough....

Fifth sister is a control freak.. but last year she said her kitchn was too small, this year she has a brand new house with a massive kitchen... and my da loves her kitchen

I may have to start dropping hints!!

Saying that, my parents are coming here on Sunday.. dh is cooking!

we see my parenst one day (xmas or boxing) along with my sis and bro, and the other day is spent splitting ourselves between dhs mum and her lot and dhs dad and his lot.

done this since b4 we were married, even when ds1 was 9days old we HAD to and even again when ds 1 was 1yo and ds2 was less than a month old.

we cant have them here - as they dont get on at all and even though we tried with the 'you come AM, you come PM' they said they felt they were being kicked out - plus they each have stepkids and PIL to think of........so not really bothered about their GS's......

this yr is my families turn xmas day which i am really looking forward to - so we are at my parents and boxing day is going to be spent on our own - if they want to see the kids they know where we are. .....the only flaw in this plan is that although DH suggested it last yr (it had to come from him as they are his family) it hasnt been mentioned yet.

i will be having my family here new years day or going to my sisters i think and will see PIL when they deem it is suitable for us to go.................

Whispers ---multitasker - im nearly done - yayyyyy - hate xmas shopping anywhere near xmas!

I love it.
But then we have an open invite to all.
I would hate to think of anyone left out at Xmas.

Yes, God Christmas can be such a nightmare. I am an only child and my mother is very dominerring - insisting we spend Christmas together being misrable. She usually ends up crying or shouting at me or both.

This year I am just spending times with friends. The relief is unbelieveable. Of course I still feel guilty thinking of her on her own, but sometimes you have to look after yourself.

I do really sympathise with you all. Its so difficult to keep everyone happy. Its meant to be the season of goodwill, isn't it?

Hope you all work it out and keep everyone as happy as possible - but don't forget yourselves.

The year we were 1st married we had everyone to ours, missed the next year as we were living in a flat and the year after as I was 8 months pregnant and couldn't be bothered.

Then every year after that my mum and step-dad have come and stayed at ours. It's a nightmare as they rarely help out and just make more mess for me to tidy up. Last year we decided not to do it as I was 8 months pregnant again but they invited themselves anyway and I felt too guilty to say no!

I prefer everyone to come to ours (which can be up to 15 people) as you then have more control over what you eat (and drink ).

Message withdrawn

No

Christmas day at home as a family me,dh,dd1 and dd2. Presents open as and when we want to open them. Very relaxed.

My mum may come for dinner or we will go to hers (lives around the corner). We may see my brother & SIL and Sister and BIL if they turn up. But we don't put any pressure on anyone to have to come if they don't want to.

As for boxing day have to go to IL's. Have to be there at set time (1pm). Have to eat a vastly over cooked (dry) turkey, veg that has been cooked for at least an hour so they fall to pieces if you show them a fork .

When 'pots' are washed then presents have to be opened.

Then at 5pm MIL will make a vast tea then complain that no one wants to eat anything.

Hopefully this year as dd2 will be only 4mths we will be able to leave early.

lillibet - not only children now. However BIL/SIL also don't come up for Christmas Day. Infact this year they will be in Australia. So PILs are on their own on Christmas Day. They normally have MIL's dad and stepmum for lunch for a couple of hours. Will only be grandad this year as his wife is very ill in residential care now.