To rejoin the world of online dating

[Datesagain]

Been single for years. Spent about 2 years on OLD. Had a handful of dates and one relationship. He turned out to be very needy and had narcissistic tendencies so didn't last long. I decided OLD was a complete waste of time vowing to find people in real life through activities etc. Problem is I haven't met any potential dates in real life . Most people my age are in relationships/married and the very few single men I have met I am just not attracted to.

So, should I rejoin OLD in the hope of meeting someone new? If it were not for lockdown I'd be making more of an effort at meeting people through work events/social groups etc. Lockdown has made me realise there are zero potential dates on my radar.

The thing that put me off with OLD is difficulty with being attracted to someone from a photo, either desperately long conversations before meeting or the opposite (no conversations, one word answers), spending many hours online with very little result and the fact that many time wasters seem to be on those sites. I am looking for a relationship and sometimes it seemed impossible to actually match with someone looking for the same thing. Has OLD improved at all? Any particular apps good? I was only on Tinder before but have heard Bumble is better? Would like to hear from anyone who is currently on OLD please.

Honestly, I think it’s got worse and worse over the three years I’ve been using it. Lockdown hasn’t helped either - there are way too many bored men wanting to be entertained. By all means have a go; you might have better luck than me.

Oh dear @ThirtyAndASmidgen how was it before lockdown? Did you go on any dates?

I met my husband 5 years ago on pof. We now have a 1 year old baby. It can work. I found the best thing was to hide my profile on the searches so the only people who could see my profile were ones I messaged. Then be picky with who you message, read their info job etc and only if you really like the look/sound of them.

I’ve been on probably over 100 first dates, after major filtering beforehand... I’d say, of those, 40% were nice but no spark, 30% were boring and just monologued about themselves, 20% were seriously odd/socially inept, and the remaining 10% probably went to two or three dates before obvious issues became apparent (commitment-phobe, not ever ex, major issues with sex, etc). It’s been pretty grim.

I will add though that I get a lot of attention online (less since I turned 30), but 99% I don’t think most women would touch with a barge pole. Think: men over 50, men in Australia, men with overtly sexual profiles, etc.

[obviously, I’m sure those men would appeal to some women but they’re wildly inappropriate for me]

@ThirtyAndASmidgen oh god that all sounds awful. I'd be annoyed aswell about the amount of time I'd wasted

@ThirtyAndASmidgen Oh gosh! How do you have the will to carry on with it all? Have you met men outside of OLD?

@Russell19 That's nice to hear. Glad it all worked out for you. I have so many friends who have met boyfriends/husbands online, all several years ago now. I think the climate has changed somewhat since then, seems a lot of people looking for casual encounters only. Might give POF a try though. Good point about filtering.

Well, I have sort of lost the will at this point. I’ve tried so hard (I realise it doesn’t work like that, but it’s true) and I’ve got nowhere. I’ve also met men outside of OLD as well, and I’ll add that the nastiest ones (including one stalker) were those I met in real life, funnily enough. I don’t think I’m unattractive, judging by the amount of attention I get, but the quality of single men seems to be very low, and my single female friends say the same. Those who seem to be nice and normal are usually taken, gay or commitment-phobic.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen I'm surprised you lasted over 100 dates! But good for persisting. It's true - nice, attractive, available men are very difficult to come by it seems. Thinking back to my 20s it seemed so easy to meet attractive and intelligent single men. What has happened since then? I guess they are all settled down now.

men in Australia

Harsh but fair 🤣🤣🤣

There are lots of sharks online I can tell you. The majority just seem to want to talk dirty and have no actual interest in a relationship. I come across the odd decent one and have met up with them but even they mess you around in the end. I dont know if this is just an online thing or if its just modern dating in general. Men do seem to expect sex much quicker nowadays, and move on quickly if they dont get it.

@Mermaidwaves I agree and I think it’s difficult to avoid - many are obvious with what they want but some are not. I once decided I’d wait until I was exclusive before sex - lo and behold, I woke the next morning to an empty bed, wandered through to his sitting room to find him, and he told me I was dumped. So that worked really well

Yes! The amount of men who go cold or ghost you after sex is unbelievable! Beforehand its all sweet talk and promises though. Im sorry its happened to you too

Thanks. I just don’t think it’s possible to avoid it, unless you strike lucky or literally wait until marriage for sex! The number of liars online (and IRL) is unbelievable.

Oh gosh, sounds awful

I am really sick of OLD . This might be because of lockdown but I am not so sure. I am finding that I get a lot of men contact me.They send a message expressing an interest I reply then about a week or two later they continue the conversation. This has happened on numerous occasions. Before lockdown I had similar situations only this time phone conversations. I would speak to someone on the phone they would tell me all about themselves. Then say they would ring in a couple of days to arrange a date. They do ring back only it's two or three weeks later they then ask if I am still up for a drink. Each time this has happened I have declined. My theory is if they can't be bothered to call you back within a reasonable amount of time what hope is there for a future. Do they think you are waiting for them to click their fingers then for you to drop everything ? If they do I am afraid I am not that person.
Has anyone else had this problem?

@adagiok5 it’s not just you. The general lack of interest on OLD is really disheartening. I spoke to someone who seemed promising for a few days, then he dramatically changed his contact patterns and told me that he “didn’t feel like talking on some days” and that was “just the way he is”. I’d never even met the guy! They can’t seem to summon up any enthusiasm at all.

I think a lot of them cant be bothered because they know they wont be getting any sex during lockdown, so its not worth their while giving women time and attention sadly. I bet when lockdown is over they ramp up their efforts.

Oh dear . When I used OLD about 4 years ago I didn't seem to have this problem people either contacted you and were interested or they didn't contact at all. At least you knew where you stood.
Maybe it's because there is more choice of people now whereas before it was more limited.

Mermaidwaves
I think a lot of them cant be bothered because they know they wont be getting any sex during lockdown, so its not worth their while giving women time and attention sadly. I bet when lockdown is over they ramp up their efforts.

That's a good point

Yep, I agree - I wonder how many will crawl out of the woodwork when this is all over! I won’t be having any further contact with anyone who couldn’t be bothered to give me the time of day during this very challenging time.

I joined POF on a whim, got a message from one bloke a few hours later. Chatted for a week, then met up. We've been together 3 years married in Feb. We are so happy to getter. Sometimes it's just luck as to who is on at that time, I realise there's loads of nob heads too but it can happen!

@boredboredboredboredbored that’s lovely to hear. It definitely does work for some people, so I think it’s worth a try at least.