Is this a cause for concern?

[Potatochipz]

NC for this.
In a recent conversation with a guy I'm "seeing", the topic of sex toys came up.

His comment was along the lines of why I may purchase one if I had him. My response was that it's a perfectly normal thing to have/do whether in a relationship or not. He got defensive, saying I'd have something to say if he was sticking it in any randomers hole. I explained that it was not comparable as a sex you doesn't involve someone else and anyone would have a problem if they were in a relationship with him whilst he was sticking it about. He started going on saying I'm preaching about women's rights etc.

Am I right in thinking that this is a perfectly normal/acceptable thing? The way he spoke to me made me feel like it was a disgusting thing to do. Or like he was insecure about the possibility of me using one. What was a jokey comment from me has now turned into this.

Please can I have your opinions?

His Mums not Mary Whitehouse by any chance is she

Leave. I have an old "friend" who is like this and thinks sex toys are insulting to him as if he's not enough. He's spent the last god knows how many years cheating on his partner as if that's somehow okay but her using a toy isn't. He's also a sexist idiot.

Run. Run fast and far from this guy and find someone who isn't dreadful.

It doesn’t bode well does it. He sounds like someone who would expect you to listen and abide by all sorts of his opinions. I’d rather date someone a little more chilled and open minded than that. Cut your losses now. You can do better.

Get rid.

Next it will be he doesn’t like you wearing make up or nice clothes. Then it’ll be he doesn’t want you going out without him. Then he’ll be upset when you’re on your phone.

Holy crap he's a fruit loop, run for the hills.
That that about you 'preaching about womens rights' too, shows exactly who he is. Has a chip in his shoulder about women and apparently, their tight to body autonomy too. Run. Fucking fast.

Dont worry, you'll find a good one some day. Congrats for recognising red flags when you see them!

Ugh, wish so many ppl weren't total shits.

*right to

He’s either a controlling prick or he has a tiny penis, either way block and move on!

Dude...no.

I don't know you but listen to me when I say this is fact.

It's 2020, there is NO time for a man that says crazy ass shit like this. No.

Let me ask you a serous question. Do you know how good sex toys are? Do you purchase them regularly? Do you know about their latest technological advancements?

If not, then let me tell you 30 mins a week with one of these toys would positively affect your physical, emotional and sexual needs a hundred times more than having a relationship with this guy.

For god sake, a lump of plastic is clearly not a penis and anyone that thinks it's comparable to a two person encounter is obviously quite stupid.

If that wasn't bad enough 'he accused blathering on about women's rights'.

What's there to blather on about? You're a women who has rights because you're a human being with a consciousness. It's not a discussion point, it's fundamental.

Please don't stay with him. No, most men aren't normal but most are a damn sight better than this!

His last message was that it shouldn't be such a problem that he doesn't want a woman who does that sort of thing and that if I chose doing that over having an encounter with him, then to him that's the real problem.

I've just now wished him all the best.

No hope for some people is there!

'Good luck finding a woman that doesnt masturbate in this day and age pal. Cheerybye'

He doesn’t want a woman who masturbates? Does he not then?

God what a wanker, pun intended. And a thick wanker at that. With a shit turn of phrase. And who seems to think women’s rights are about having a vibrator.

Honestly op. One day you’ll laugh about it. This is the sort of exchange that goes viral.

Threatened by a sex toy

Bin him OP. In many cases a vibrator is more use than a man anyway.

Good for you! It is a real problem but the problem is his not yours.

You're doing nothing wrong at all. In fact, the way he framed it (that he doesn't want a woman that does that and you're the type of woman that does and won't give for me) is very manipulative.

Regardless of the ins and outs, you're a person who gets to decide what they want out of life.

As an aside, there are men who might want to explore these type of things with you. Now that you're shot of this ridiculous person, you're free to find them!

Don't let him crawl back.

"Any randomers hole" tells you everything you need to know about him

The thing is when I'm in a relationship it's not something I'd necessarily do, or it's something I'd do with a partner as part of our sex life. It was just the fact that he tried to take that choice away from me. I can't have that. I don't want to start viewing it as something that's unnatural or disgusting.

Sounds like you've encountered my ex ha! He was like this.

Please tell me he actually said "that sort of thing"! Hahaha. Wtf?

A man who says sticking it a randomer's hole and that sort of thing obviously has issues with using the words "sex" and "masturbation" has some serious sexual hang ups.

Thank God you mentioned sex toys early in the relationship!

Yes he did say that. It's definitely shown a lot of his true self due to this conversation. Can't get my head round it personally.

He doesn't want a woman who does that sort of thing is an abusers stock phrase and they apply it to literally anything you enjoy if given the chance. I had it said to me because I went swimming

I've tried to make it clear to him that I was upset by his response he said that basically if I wanted to be in a relationship with him then I'd respect the fact that it's something that he wouldn't like me to do!

He thinks a woman's pleasure should depend on a man for its height of fulfillment, and that women seeking sexual fulfillment is somehow dirty and wrong.

It is a red flag as it means he thinks women should be dependent on men or they're bad girls who don't know their place.

Block on everything.

I had it said to me because I had a dog. I knew in that instant I wasn't taking this any further, and I asked if he thought all women who had a pet were having sex with the pet. He said it wasn't what he thought, but that's how other men thought, and wasn't I bothered by that?

I don't think he really thought women have sex with their pets. I think he was testing my boundaries, to see if he could get me to do what he wanted, or agree with him. He didn't like me and he wasn't looking for a girlfriend, he was looking for the 'right' women, one he could bully.

If someone thinks defending women's rights is somehow wrong, then that's a red flag too.

Yes, it's also my concern that if he thinks this is an issue, what else will he have an issue with. I can't get involved with a man who has this type of attitude.

He thought it was really strange that I was being so adamant that it was a problem that he was taking my choice away. He claimed he also would not engage in masturbation while in a relationship which I think is highly unlikely or very very odd.

It's maybe just insecurity or lack of experience behind this. You maybe the first person who has been so open with him. How long have you known him?
I'm not sure if I'd want a guy to go on about how he masturbates, I know you didn't directly but it depends how you said it. Were you on the subject of sex and it naturally evolved.

Wait, so I guess he doesn’t masturbate then when he’s ‘in a relationship’?