A wave to all the women who can’t wait till lockdown is over so there H can move the fuck out!

[URonthewayoutmate]

We agreed to split up just before lock down was announced so obviously it got put on hold.

I honestly can’t believe I’ve spent ten years with this idiot. I feel like there is some stranger walking round my house. I’ve let him take the piss out of me because I can’t be arsed with the arguments and I know he is loving life at the moment as I’m being very compliant.

But I know this won’t last forever. I feel like a big thick coat has been taken off me as I’ve totally disconnect from him - and I feel free.

I really see him now. And I’m in two minds that he thinks after this that he may of a chance of getting us to stay together as he is having the best time.

Doesn’t have to wash up
Doesn’t have to put the kids to bed or get up with them
Doesn’t have to tidy his fucking plates/crisp packets/drinks/dirty clothes up.
Can take to his bed for six hours during the day to watch tv

Oh what a life!

I silently seeth at points and I allow it because it’s spurring me on to get rid of the useless lump.

So if your experiencing the same - take a pew and we can look forward to not having to put up with them much longer

Thanks again URonthewayout. I will have a read. I thought this was going to be the last relationship of my life (I’m divorced after 22y with previous partner). It’s all happened v quickly and I’m ancient (nearly 52)!

Freetodo... the anger - you’ve made me remember. It’s not good, is it? I get angry too but I moderate it. I hope you can move out (or move him out) soon.

Pulling up a seat and pouring my wine.
Got my decree nici last week but we can’t even realistically put the house in the market till lockdown is over.
It’s not that he doesn’t do stuff it’s that he does the bare minimum then skulks back to his PC to play endless rounds of patience. Just like he has always done. It’s so boring!

Been split for a while, he actually moved back. It’s just awful, probably more so because I’ve had a glimpse of freedom and now it’s gone again.

The first few weeks he was super-husband doing stuff around the house. I don’t know if I’m supposed to impressed, it’s too little way too late. it’s a bit sad that I’ve seen him wash more dishes this week than I have for the previous twenty years.

The end of lockdown can not come soon enough.

OP - stop doing stuff for him, so what if he doesn’t speak to you. That would be a bonus in my book. How old are your DCs? I used to avoid confrontation because I didn’t want mine to see him in a bad light. I don’t cover up for him now, and then can see his crappy behaviour for themselves.

I’m also waiting for the lockdown to be over and to see if my job is still there at the end of this. If it is i can go ahead with filing the papers.
Whenever i mention leaving he just tells me to ‘work it all out and then come talk to me’, so very dismissing and patronising. He goes to bed before kids so there’s no opportunity to talk without kids around- i suspect this is deliberate. He still tries to pretend like nothing is happening, pretends to be interested in how my day was. But on the other hand he’s been ignoring me for years, it’s like some fucked up game.

That sounds so shit OP. Also to everyone else, I think you are amazing if you are managing to deal with this situation. I'd end up killing him.

But now, I understand you doing everything, because it is just easier isn't it.

But when he does go, what sort of contact pattern are you going to have with the kids. You should enact it now. From tomorrow. When it is 'his' time with them you are the one that takes to your room for a few days and lets him do everything. Don't let him do nothing.

It’s funny, I have always been the appeaser in our relationship but since deciding I needed a divorce I have refused to let anything go without raising it. Now he is the appeaser, he desperately doesn’t want a divorce and is hoping that if he is super nice to me I’ll change my mind. The problem is that he isn’t a nice person, he can manage a few nice gestures but thinks this makes up for the coercive bully he is the rest of the time. It is nice not to have the constant undercurrent of pestering for sex though.

He is so deluded that when I went to see a therapist right at the beginning of the split, he honestly thought she would change my mind and it would save the relationship. She simply pointed out that I wasn’t going mad as he had tried to make me believe and that this is a form of abuse. It took me a while to calm down once the curtain had lifted. And he thinks we are going to sort it out? Not a chance.
Sorry went on a little there, it’s good to get it off my chest .
This is a tough situation but we will come through it stronger than ever.

Same position. Things were bad before lockdown, agreed fo try. Now I've realised things aren't going to change and I'm not going to put up with the same shitty rollercoaster over and over again. Its taken me 13 years to realise that I have been sat on it, except the highs have got less and less impressive and the loss much much more painful. The glasses slipped when I started recovering from PND and realised this amazing had given me no support at all through my pregnancy, or post natal depression. Seeing me more as an irritation. And despite him saying I refuse to forgive, I took him back again and again and again. He has admitted that he has said things to intentionally hurt me, like my daughter will grow up to hate me, and she'd be better off without me. Things that hurt more and are harder to forgive and forget than the name calling, shouting and general nastiness.

I stupidly agreed to try again (again) during lockdown. We were getting in really well. But I really regret it now. I've got to tell him all over again.

There is a history of emotional abuse, although he has acknowledged that and taken responsibility for it. He dies now fully pull his weight, in fact he might even be doing more at the moment. But the love has gone for me. No amount of him doing the right thing is going to work.

I'm dreading the conversation again. This will be the third time I've told him. I'm an idiot.