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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please need advise adap

37 replies

Pocketdragon28 · 09/05/2020 18:18

I had a argument with my partner week ago.after he being horrible he threw me out as needed space..been together 3 years but lived together 1...we chatted yesterday he said sorry for way he spoke to me and he never do that again. He loves me loads..he dosent usually talk about stuff so this was a surprise! He said he even in work since 18 now 43 finding himself not working and not earning has stressed him out..he been worried about being on furlough..money and bills...he is very old school . Likes to look after the family perfect and it got to much for him and while doing some DIY and it went wrong he just blew it got too much....heather than talking to me about all this it got onto of him and he needed space.....he said in future he will talk to me about stuff he is a proud man.
My kids live with there dad two boys 17 and 13 and my 19 year old daughter lives with her aunty.. we them all the time no issue...
After what just happened my kids seen me very upset and my daughter likes my bf but said maybe shouldn't go back but as she 19 she is out of it . My 17 year old said dont care. My 13 year old dont like him..my biy has adhd and autism and they never gelled in 3 years. But boy gives him loads of attitude and when in the past he tells him off by boy gives as good as he gets. Quite uncontrollable.....but my boy said I'd you go back I will never visit you again at the house..

I am shocked by what he said but I am due to move back tomorrow..what do I do....please help

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 09/05/2020 18:20

I wouldn't move back

Original poster
Pocketdragon28 · 09/05/2020 18:20

Please help with the above advise

OP posts:
Spain1 · 09/05/2020 18:26

If he threw you out once he will do it again. Don't go back.

tenlittlecygnets · 09/05/2020 18:27

Why do your dc not live with you? Is this because of your ex?

Is your dc right not to like your ex? How would you feel if he never came to see you again? Sounds like something serious has happened.

I think you should put your dc first and not go back to your ex.

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 09/05/2020 18:38

Find yourself somewhere to live by yourself with room for all of your children when they visit.
He threw you out in the middle of a global pandemic. Don’t give him the chance to do it again.
Your boyfriend should not be telling your son off.
Why do none of your children live with you?

Original poster
Pocketdragon28 · 09/05/2020 18:56

My youngest did live with me last year but it got too much that he wanted to go to his dad and with his brother. He didn't like my bf and my bf felt he wasnt being listened too as he had house rules and my boy didnt stick with them...he kept comparing my boy to his families kids and kept saying I did too much for my boy..my boy used to wet the bed and my bf couldn't handle it and used to mock him about it ..like anything they had good days but mostly bad....i had a breakdown over all this as all got too much so my boy moved in with his dad..His brother lived with his dad due to schooling as I moved out the area with my bf it took him hour to get him to school so for sake of his GCSE he moved in with his dad who lived next to the school...

OP posts:
Original poster
Pocketdragon28 · 09/05/2020 19:18

Please help

OP posts:
OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 09/05/2020 19:21

Help with what?

Bananalanacake · 09/05/2020 19:23

Better not to live with him again, can you go back to where you lived before or can you afford to rent on your own.

LovingLola · 09/05/2020 19:24

What do you want people to say?
He’s thrown you out
Your 13 year old went to live with his father
Did your other 2 children leave when they realised what he was like ?

Original poster
Pocketdragon28 · 09/05/2020 19:27

Sorry to bother you all I just asked for help

OP posts:
IAmcuriousyellow · 09/05/2020 19:27

He sounds really unpleasant and your children will have a shit time. Don’t choose him over them.

Ipadipod · 09/05/2020 19:29

Sounds like your children have more sense than you have .Why on earth did you put your boyfriend before your child by moving away from his school?
Don’t move back with him , put your children first.

MayFayner · 09/05/2020 19:30

He needed space? What if he needs space again?

I’d rather be on my own and not have any obstacle to seeing my DC.

Menora · 09/05/2020 19:31

You need help finding somewhere to live?
Do not go back
Your kids do not like him and won’t live with you
Do not choose him

EthelMayFergus · 09/05/2020 19:32

I wouldn't go back. Where have you been staying for the last week? Is it an option to stay there until you can find something near to your boys school?

EthelMayFergus · 09/05/2020 19:35

He mocked your (then 12 year old?) son for wetting the bed. That's not a good man, or a proud man or whatever else he calls himself. That's an arsehole.

Original poster
Pocketdragon28 · 09/05/2020 19:36

My ex husband has put me up in spare room...for boys sake he couldn't see my homeless.....otherwise I be homeless with no money......so I am lucky there..but obviously cant stay for long......just keep getting text messages from.my bf are you coming home etc etc I got to sell everything to pay for the house now you left etc etc

OP posts:
Futurenostalgia · 09/05/2020 19:37

It doesn’t sound great does it? None of your three children live with you. Is that because you moved away with this man? Do you want them with you?

Original poster
Pocketdragon28 · 09/05/2020 19:38

He threw me out with no where to go so slept in car for first night...got no money as I just paid all the Bill's and rent as he is on furlough

OP posts:
Original poster
Pocketdragon28 · 09/05/2020 19:40

I my daughter lives with her aunty cos she helps her out as had cancer for few years so her carer....yes never wanted my boys to leave..it broke me to self harm myself....

OP posts:
LovingLola · 09/05/2020 19:40

Stay with your kids dad
Block your abusive bf

Menora · 09/05/2020 19:40

Would your ex let you stay a while? Talk to him

Original poster
Pocketdragon28 · 09/05/2020 19:41

I was in a bad place last year...I got better but it wasbt perfect for last few months but didnt know what to do....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/05/2020 19:45

You need help, for sure

You chose a shit bloke over your own children. And still would if he took you back.