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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please need advise adap

37 replies

Pocketdragon28 · 09/05/2020 18:18

I had a argument with my partner week ago.after he being horrible he threw me out as needed space..been together 3 years but lived together 1...we chatted yesterday he said sorry for way he spoke to me and he never do that again. He loves me loads..he dosent usually talk about stuff so this was a surprise! He said he even in work since 18 now 43 finding himself not working and not earning has stressed him out..he been worried about being on furlough..money and bills...he is very old school . Likes to look after the family perfect and it got to much for him and while doing some DIY and it went wrong he just blew it got too much....heather than talking to me about all this it got onto of him and he needed space.....he said in future he will talk to me about stuff he is a proud man.
My kids live with there dad two boys 17 and 13 and my 19 year old daughter lives with her aunty.. we them all the time no issue...
After what just happened my kids seen me very upset and my daughter likes my bf but said maybe shouldn't go back but as she 19 she is out of it . My 17 year old said dont care. My 13 year old dont like him..my biy has adhd and autism and they never gelled in 3 years. But boy gives him loads of attitude and when in the past he tells him off by boy gives as good as he gets. Quite uncontrollable.....but my boy said I'd you go back I will never visit you again at the house..

I am shocked by what he said but I am due to move back tomorrow..what do I do....please help

OP posts:
YappityYapYap · 09/05/2020 19:46

I would stay put with your ex husband and your 2 kids for now. Don't go back. It sounds like your boyfriend has driven the kids away and has isolated you. Is your ex husband a decent man?

EthelMayFergus · 09/05/2020 19:49

Stay with your two boys op, if possible. Is there dad in a relationship? Will he be okay for you to stay until you get sorted? Is there room at your aunt's?

WhiteVixen · 09/05/2020 19:50

my boy used to wet the bed and my bf couldn't handle it and used to mock him about it

And you think he is a good man? Don’t move back in with him.

tribpot · 09/05/2020 19:55

He threw you out just after you had paid all the bills and rent. Why the hell would you go back for another round of that? What's to stop him from pulling the same stunt after you've bankrolled him next month?

Please stay away - listen to your son.

Wishforsnow · 09/05/2020 19:57

Don't go back. If he is on furlough then he is getting 80% of his salary and the other 20% he would have paid in tax so why did you need to pay all the bills? Don't chose him over your children. Sounds like if you had a breakdown before he could be the cause. Speak to women's aid

pog100 · 09/05/2020 20:00

Every single person has helped you by telling you not to go back to this man. Every new thing you reveal makes it more obvious that he is a fundamental reason for you feeling so fucked up. Your children see it, we see it, presumably your ex husband sees it since he's being generous. Do not go back to him under any circumstances.

Ipadipod · 09/05/2020 20:02

So he only wants you back because he’s got to pay for everything himself if you’re not there Hmm

LovingLola · 09/05/2020 20:05

He wants your money
He doesn’t want you
Stay with your boys and their dad for the time being

category12 · 09/05/2020 20:24

It sounds like he mainly wants you back to pay the bills.

I wouldn't choose a man that has been the cause of your dc going to live with their dad instead. If you go back, your ds is going to see it as you choosing your unpleasant boyfriend over him, and that may cause irreparable damage to your relationship.

tenlittlecygnets · 09/05/2020 21:00

You moved away to be with your boyfriend when your son was doing GCSEs? Don't you think that was selfish?

Your ex bf sounds like a shit person and a crap step-parent. Why don't you put your dc and their needs first?

Block your ex. Stay with your ex-husband if he'll have you for now. Try to rebuild your relationship with your dc.

user1635482648 · 09/05/2020 21:12

I think you need the kind of help Women's Aid and the Freedom Programme offer. Otherwise this shit is going to keep happening.

This is not what love looks like. It's really not.

VettiyaIruken · 09/05/2020 21:13

He just wants your money!
Go back if you want to but you'll give him all your cash then he'll boot you out again until he needs your money.

Or you could be sensible and put you and your kids first and stay away from him.

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