Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I ring/text again or do I wait? This dating thing is a minefield

28 replies

Upsadaisy · 18/09/2007 10:03

Met this guy and went for a date we got on really well. After date theres been lots of texts and a conversation or two over phone (he travels with work so no 2nd date organised as yet).
The night before last he texted but seemed diffrent but by the end was back to normal then yesterday he rang but my kids were shouting so he said he would call back later. He didn't......so I rang him about 10pm with no answer. I sent a text about 11pm but no reply. Now in my rationale mind I feel I should not contact him again waiting for him to get intouch with me but my unrationale mindset is that I really like the guy if theres a problem/he has concerns I would like to know so I'm thinking of texting him this morning......but is that too needy.....lol It is isn't it?. I hate this dating haven't done it for many moons. Advice please oh wise ones lol

OP posts:
warthog · 18/09/2007 10:06

don't text! you've already tried, he'll get in touch when he has a moment...

Original poster
Upsadaisy · 18/09/2007 10:11

Oh......I know. I can't beleive at my age i'm sat watching the phone.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 18/09/2007 10:14

Hmmmm...perhaps he does have reservations and hearing the kids shouting etc confirmed these..?

Don't text - he knows where you are..

expatinscotland · 18/09/2007 10:16

don't text or phone.

gorgeousfeebie · 18/09/2007 10:18

No dont text - you might come across as needy. If he gets in touch you could ask if there was a problem the other night. Dating is a nightmare when you have kids.

breadandmilk · 18/09/2007 10:23

No, you don't contact him again!

It is early days.....he said he would ring back, so let him do that.

Things ought to be lighthearted at this stage, and if they are already "a problem/ has concerns" in your head after one date and a couple of calls and texts then you really need to think about taking a step back. Dating is the fun part where you both sparkle.

Desperation, over-analysing or even the hint of it at this stage, is not attractive. So if he rings, great. If he doesn't ring straight away, be equally friendly....but not necessarily available.....there's plenty more where he came from!

Original poster
Upsadaisy · 18/09/2007 10:24

Ok thanks guys.....no texting or ringing him. If and when he does ring back.....and if he doesn't volunteer why he hadn't rang do I just ignore or what do I say? How to broach if theres a problem
How embarassing lol I feel like such a clutz its like being back at school.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 18/09/2007 10:26

Just ignore it.

Why would there be a problem?

It's only been one date!

bread's post is pretty spot on.

AbRoller · 18/09/2007 10:29

What bread said.

Original poster
Upsadaisy · 18/09/2007 10:29

Breadandmilk your right it is suppose to be lighthearted at this very early stage. I had forgotten we just clicked so well felt like we'd known each other for years. I should step back and be lighthearted

He's the first date since I split from h, which is why I think i've paniced.....thats my excuse anyway and I'm sticking to it lol.

OP posts:
Tamz77 · 18/09/2007 10:31

Believe me you are not the only one 'at our age' to find themselves watching the phone lol.

Advice is correct: don't call. Even if he never rings again you've not lost anything, because if he doesn't get in touch then he's not interested.

expat is v useful for stopping us MNers making arses of ourselves chasing (the wrong) men.

Original poster
Upsadaisy · 18/09/2007 10:35

Glad to know I'm not alone.

If this guy never rings back then how long do I wait.....I was asked out a few days ago and he's nice guy.....how long is it etiquettly (wrong spelling) correct before I go on a date with someone else?
I haven't been asked out for ages and then two come near each other like buses lol. (Hanging my head in shame) lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
Upsadaisy · 18/09/2007 10:36

Thats suppose to be glad I'm not alone with watching the phone

OP posts:
Carmenere · 18/09/2007 10:38

Ring up other guy and say yes immediately. You need distraction from man1 and man2 is a nice fellow, so go on a date with him. You are under no obligation to hang around waiting for this bloke to call you. YOU call the shots.

Did you sleep with man1?

Original poster
Upsadaisy · 18/09/2007 10:42

No (hangs head in shame) but we had phone sex a few nights after the date . Does that make a difference?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 18/09/2007 10:42

No, phone sex doesn't make a difference.

Ring Man 2.

Original poster
Upsadaisy · 18/09/2007 10:43

Should I just kick myself now lol

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 18/09/2007 10:43

No, you should laugh and ring Man2 and when you do, make sure you smile as he picks up. This will actually change the tone of your voice.

This is supposed to be fun!

Tamz77 · 18/09/2007 10:43

TBH I have given up on etiquette when dealing with men who seem nice and say they'll be in touch and then don't ring. Not wasting my time any more, missing opportunities while mooning over someone who's not really into me or at least only into me part-time. I'd just ring the second guy, go and have fun and see how it pans out. If Bloke no.1 ever remembers he promised to call back, then you can take it from there, decide who you're into, where you want it to go.

(NB not quite as tough as I make out there's still one guy who can make me watch the phone but have got past the point of thinking there's a future in it, at least!)

Carmenere · 18/09/2007 10:44

No phone sex is fine, well a bit sluttish, but men love that
Go out with man2 and have some fun and enjoy male attention, more than likely man1 will sense that there is someone else interested and if he is really interested will come running back. And if he isn't, well, no loss.

Original poster
Upsadaisy · 18/09/2007 10:51

LolThank you guys so much!!

I'm going to ring man2 after dinner. I'm cheered up and my twitchy texting finger has been pried from the phone....in fact I'm going to be really wayward and put the phone in another room...therefor I'm not watching just listening and might beable to get some work done then lol.

OP posts:
warthog · 18/09/2007 10:51

yes, go for man 2. and keep a look out for man 3 as a backup.

Original poster
Upsadaisy · 20/09/2007 09:06

Man1 rang the other night apologised saying he was snowed under.....now I feel like a right one as previous in the day I had rang man2 and have arranged a date for this saturday.....thats ok isn't it?

I'm mean its only dating but I don't want either to know. Is it ok not to tell them about the other while I see which one I like best? I feel I'm wanting double standards as if a man were to date two people unknowingly whilst deciding which one I would think it was completely out of order.

OP posts:
Original poster
Upsadaisy · 20/09/2007 09:06

If that makes sense

OP posts:
lou33 · 20/09/2007 09:12

blimey go on both dates, you havent made a committment to either of them, so see them both and decided if either of them are worth your time

you dont need to tell them about the other