I (32f) left my partner (45m) a few months ago, after a year and a half. There was some serious love bombing in the beginning, which I ignored as a red flag because it was so nice to find a man who wanted a relationship (working on my self esteem!) He wasn't even two months out of his previous relationship which he declared he was heartbroken over. He talked alot about his previous partner for the first few months, which I feel I was very understanding about, until he went into therapy. He also once told me that he was 'looking for perfect and he might never find it', I mean who says that to their girlfriend!!?
Below are four of the main reasons why I left.
1- About 7 months into the relationship he told me he wasn’t sure he could stay with me if I didn’t lose weight. I put on about 5 or 6 pounds of honeymoon weight. I thought he just wanted me to lose the weight I’d put on since being in the relationship, but it transpired he wanted me to weigh less than when we first met. I struggled hugely with this as I felt he didnt love me for me and I was scared that in the future he would leave me if I got sick/old/less attractive. I just couldn’t get past those feelings. When he told me this he said he had been struggling with it for months and had even discussed it with his mum. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated.
2- He didnt like the way i dressed. Apparently i dressed like an ‘aunt’ (frumpy I assume he meant) Obviously he was entitled to his opinion, the issue was that he was very vocal when i wore something he didnt like and would expect me to stop wearing it even if i liked it because “that’s what people in relationships do for each other”. He would look me up and down before leaving the house and it made me feel so self conscious. I did try to make some changes to the way I dressed, but it was never 'good enough'. No one else has ever questioned my fashion choices.
3- He liked massive amounts of contact either via text or calls. I’d been single or a while before we met and was used to being independent. I tried really hard to get into relationship mode and remember to text when I was leaving work etc, but it was never enough. For example if I was with a friend for the evening and I didnt reply within a certain amount of time I would get texts like ‘not feeling the love’, but always with a lol or an emoji. At the start of the relationship if I wanted an evening alone he would say things like ‘dont you want to see me’, until I gave in and saw him. He would call me all the time, I remember once he called me six times before mid day when I had gone back to my house for the night.
4- He would throw tantrums if I said I didnt feel like having sex. I declined three times I think in the whole relationship. It was upsetting and when I tried to explain to him how it made me feel he would say ‘I know it’s wrong I dont need you to tell me’. We had really great sex at first, but i struggled after he told me to lose weight and made comments about my clothes because i didnt feel desirable.
There was obviously more to the above points but it would be too long! There were other smaller issues as well such as not respecting my requests for privacy while in the bath, he would just walk in and talk at me.