People who lost a parent before 25, how did it affect you?

[feelingsomewhatlost]

I lost my mum a year ago and I was 24 at the time. We didn't have the best relationship when I was younger but it was really starting to improve and now I feel like I've been robbed. I can't imagine what life will be like without her, she won't be there for when I get married, the birth of my future children, buying a house, new jobs, all the exciting milestones I have to look forward to that are possibly only a few years away. I know she was devastated about that but I feel like it would be helpful to hear how other people have adapted to not having a significant parent in their lives. I don't mind hearing the bad stuff too.

My dad died suddenly when I was 23. I was weird for a long time afterwards and had horrible, intrusive thoughts which I couldn't express to anyone. That did pass eventually. My main concern was my mother who needed my support.

My mum died when I was 10. My 4 sibblings were between ages 13 and 2 years old. She was beautiful, strong , very charismatic. She was only 36. My dads way to cope was to immerse himself in his work, so very detached parent, he also has old fashion values and expected girls to do housework, cooking etc we had to get on with it.
This was years ago, so no extra support , no counselling , no nothing. Sometimes people talked about the " tragedy" in front of me like if i werent there , one of the gems i remember , amongst many others, is " she ( referring to my mum) kept having children like a rabbit". People can be horrid to children.Mothers day was agony. Some people talk and talk like if children are invisible.
The pain I felt when i lost my mum is indescribable. My sibblings were/are very protective of each other but we rarely talk about emotions and what happened.
Over the years i 've felt different things, ranging from feeling alone, powerless, envious of other people with mums to go to, I would look at other people when they moaned about sthg thinking "you spoil brat", " get over yourself" also sometimes I can be quite cynical and in many cases I don't have patient with moaners. Don't get my wrong I love helping people but I sometimes struggle to understand why people whinge so much about petty stuff.
Since I have my own children I think how my mum must have felt when she knew she was dying leaving her children behind, it's only now that I 've got children I can relate to that. Also, major shift in my live is since I had my own children , sthg in me has healed.
I am now in my early 40s and looking back to my young self I think, you rock girl. I 've got some codependency issues I need to sort ( I only realised of this not that long ago, and everything suddenly makes so much sense) but apart from that I am happy, i follow my dreams, i live
As an adult I am quite practical and resilient, at least that's what I 've been told, i don't drown in a glass of water.
I have a beautiful family and I am grateful everyday for what I got.
OP all I can say is one step at the time, allow yourself to process your feelings and get some help if you need to.

I lost my dad at 14 and sad as it is he had been very poorly since I was born and it was a kind of relief, I coped because I still had my amazing mum although she is now at end stage dementia. I really envy people who still have their parents and in some cases their grandparents too.

So sorry for your loss OP, and everyone on this thread. My mum died of emphysema when I was 21. I was living abroad at the time, having spent some time caring for her. She'd been told that if she didnt stop smoking she'd have about 5 years left. I made the decision to travel for a few months in the full expectation that at some point I would have to be her full time carer. While I was away she caught a cold, went into hospital for respite care and died in her sleep. I'd spoken to the hospital the night before and they'd reassured me that she wasn't seriously ill and I didnt need to come home.
Its 20 years later and i have a lovely life with a great husband and children. I went through a very long grieving period, although i didnt realise it at the time. Most of my 20s i was numb really, and quite unsympathetic to other people's woes. In my 30s I had a real crisis after my 2nd child where I just felt furious with my mum all the time. I had counselling for a year and it helped enormously.i wish I'd had it earlier. I find it easier to think of her now. For a long time I just packed it all.away. I was raised by my mum, didnt have much contact with my dad until.after she died. We were very close, it was just the 2 of us. After she died i really felt lost and abandoned. But it does get easier.

@Ginger1982 I too feel that I’m lucky to just have one parent left to grieve when the time comes. I was going to write about that in my first post then thought it sounded strange but now that you mention it, it must be a common feeling!

@Flamingo911 😘

My dad died from cancer when I was 5. I'm now 31. I feel likes there's a huge part of myself missing. sometimes I feel angry at him because he died and I don't remember him and I just feel so angry about it. My mum met someone less than a year after he died and i grew up like he never existed my mum would never talk about him, even now it's like getting blood out of a stone.
all my family died on that side too when I was still very young so there's no way to find anything out about him.

Lost my dad at 13.
Think about him every day. I'm 58.

Lots of stereotypical inappropriate relationships in my teens and twenties trying to replace a father figure.

IMHO you never 'get over it' but you do learn to live with it.

I lost my mum at 22, my dad a few years later. I also feel like they missed on such lovely things like my kids, my successes, just the lovely times as a family as we were all so close. For me personally, I was affected badly, awkward around men and I ran into the first relationship where someone treated me just ok, but my second, the father of my kids, was abusive. I always think if I had my parents, I wouldn't have dated him at all because I know they would have sussed him out early on. But because I was alone, I just ran into it and suffered the consequences. I'm a strong and resilient person and have coped with a lot and I believe it's because we had to cope with so much when we were young.

Lost my mum at 17 and I’m 37 now. So I had no guidance during my young adulthood. I’ve never had a female figure in my life since.

Tbh, it never occurs to me I don’t have my mum here to share things with, because I never got the chance to share any big happy occasions with her. My family and I missed her on my wedding, but it wasn’t a big deal for me. Never even thought of her when I had my children. I only miss her when things are shit, and I’m NC with my siblings due to their bullying behaviour so it would’ve been nice of her to be here to sort them out.

You’re lucky you’ve spent time with your mum. Losing a parent early brings loads of other hardship that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Bit older but I lost my mum at 30 and my dad at 32. My mum missed my wedding and neither of my parents met my children. That’s the worst bit I found - having a baby and having no one to ask for advice, or to ask what you were like as a baby. But if it’s all you know, you just get through it.

It’s really tough OP - and I won’t lie- you never ever get over it- but you do learn to live with it and be happy in other ways.