Day one of not being a mug ..can I do this?

[onestepat]

He's an arsehole.
He's treated me like rubbish in the past and I still give him another chance etc
It's me chasing him all the time.
I'm done of being a pushover.
It's always me initiating conversations.
Haven't seen him in two months because of this corona business.
It's all on his terms,when he wants to chat we chat.
The last few days he hasn't gave me the lickings of a dog.
We were texting last night (I texted first ) and I was showing him some old pics of me and he looked at 5am this morning and didn't reply.
He disappears mid conversation a lot,feels like he skims my texts.
Last week he wasn't feeling well so was all over me (wanting a bit of sympathy )obviously I'm obliged.
Today I ain't texting him..stuff it.
Normally it gets to mid day and I cave and text
Can I do this ?

Listen to shera7s videos on you tube and get your self worth off the floor

Have you posted about this before? Sounds familiar.

But anyway op you only get one shot at life. Is this how you want to spend it? A few crumbs thrown your way?

hellsbellsmelons if you want the moral high ground maybe check your tone!
OP in my experience giving yourself the 'out' of being a people pleaser just leads you to make the same mistakes again and again because you think there is virtue in that behaviour. There isn't, it just leads to more bad decisions.
However as @hellsbellsmelons pointed out I could have phrased my original answer better so apologies if I upset you.

He's an arsehole.

Every time you feel the need to contact him, come back to this thread first and we'll tell you why you shouldn't!

I know it's hard, but he is messing with your head, and he's not worth it.

I don't think being a people pleaser, is a decision so much as learned behaviour.

Yes 12345kbm, you learn that it is a desirable or virtuous behaviour when it can in fact just lead you to behave to the detriment of your own well being.

Being a people pleaser is a warm and fuzzy way of glossing over the fact that you don’t have the confidence enough to voice/ assert your own wants/needs. This puts you at the mercy of every chancer.

at 8 months you should know if you’re official. If it’s not “on” after 8 months & you don’t know where you stand, there is your answer. If someone likes you they will want to lock it down

@Howyiz yes, you could look at it that way of course.

It's tends to be learned behaviour in dysfunctional households. It's not really about 'virtuous behaviour' but a way of surviving abuse.

A young child learns to 'fawn' over a cold, unapproachable or neglectful parent. Adult children are often people pleasers because it was a way of surviving alcoholic or mental health induced mood swings and rages.

They carry this survival mechanism into adulthood to often, negative results but don't know another way of interacting. It's why counselling or therapy is often helpful, so they can learn different ways of interacting with others.

Jesus. Block and delete.

Then you can't crawl to him like a beaten puppy.

Ghost him. Make it easy for yourself to ghost him by blocking and deleting.

OP - in answer to your question, yes! I believe you can do this! Like another poster said, come here and message us instead. You said you would usually cave and message by midday - how did today go?

Yes, you absoutely can do this! You have recognised patterns in the way you choose and relate to your partners. Many people NEVER make it this far. What's the underlying need in your interactions with him? Think about it and be honest with yourself. You have insight which means that you have got what it takes to make the changes you want with the right support.

How you getting on? I was like this with someone. Bit more complicated in our case but at the start of lockdown it was great, then he just stopped all communication. I made a tit of myself and sent several unanswered messages. I thought I couldn't get on without him. The way I have found to cope is take away the temptations, every time I start to mope about him I have to do an exercise. In my case a 60 second plank. It physically hurts and is way more painful than the emotional pain he caused. Think of all his bad points like when he has backed out of meeting, not asked how you are, not put you first.

I got ghosted by this guy twice, I mean what a mug I am. I've been told by many people he's a wanker, a tosser a bell end. I still gave him another chance. Only you can break the cycle