Hi, This is my first time posting, and I feel pretty nervous about it.
At the end of December I caught my OH of 3 years cheating. I do his accounts, and caught the same number coming up over & over again on phone bill. About 20-25 calls a day. 2-3 hours. Confronted him, he said they were just speaking and were friends from years ago. (Found out later on that he was lying about that, it was actually a girl he had been sleeping with before me).
3 weeks he kept telling me that nothing more had happened, but I didnt believe him. So I went to the girl and confronted her (who run conveniently) and eventually got the truth. They had been having an affair for 2 & a half years out of our 3 year 'relationship'. The first year it was friends, and for the second year it turned sexual. She was spiteful and told me way more than what I'd asked or needed to hear. Safe to say I kicked him out for the next two months.
We have a 2 year old child together, and I have a 6 year old from a previous relationship, who also classes him as dad.
From a traumatic birth with my son, to him being seriously sick after he was born for the first year of his life. I didnt sleep for more than an hour or two a night for 14 months. I had a couple of traumatic events happen to me in that space of time, that sent my world crashing.
Knowing when I was pregnant, and when all this was happening, he was having an affair with someone else makes me feel sick. I knew after my son was born, I kept asking and asking him if there was someone else because I had a horrible gut feeling. I kept telling him to leave because his attitude and the way he acted towards me was making me feel so unhappy and lonely and I could tell he didnt want me or love me anymore. So I'd tell him to go and be happy. But he always begged to come back. And then come back and continued his affair.
The most horrible thing about all of this? I love him still. Hes lied to me for nearly all of our time together, hes made me feel stupid, hes cheated and jeopardized our family.
Now this hatred has worn off, I'm so confused.
We have been isolating together (agreed it was easier for kids). Weve been getting along really well, actually communicating. Hes been making a real effort to come home from work and spend time with the kids. Hes looking after us. And I can honestly say for the first time since our son was born, we are actually friends. This is all I ever asked him for for the past 2 years!
The middle of January I found out, and since then hes begged to come back (I needed a 2 month breather - probably.would have been longer if this lockdown didnt happen) and hes been the person he used to be.
We had a lot happen in the beginning of our relationship and everything moved so quickly before both of us could catch our breath & hey to know each other properly.
What I am trying to ask I suppose, is there actually a way back from affairs of this calibre? Do people actually move on from them & possibly have a better relationship after? Am I completely stupid for still loving him & thinking there could possibly be a way back for our family?
I know I sound so dumb and probably like an idiot. But I've been through so much in my life and when I met him, I thought I'd found the one and I felt happier than I'd ever been. My daughters father (has no contact - he was a violent man towards me & I kicked him out 5 months after she was born as I wasnt bringing my child up around that) is non existent. She so desperately wanted a dad and when she met my.OH it just clicked for her, she loved him straight away. The past 4 months it's like she has her dad back again, the kids are happy. I was on my own for nearly 3 years after I kicked DD's father out.
Am I being so stupid thinking about giving it a chance again & starting fresh? I want my kids to have a family. I've started to want him all over again. Dont get me wrong, it still tortures me what hes done and I cannot trust him as far as I can throw him.
But being friends with him again finally, has made me want him again.
Help please 