Tell me what caused you to break it off with your ex

[LovelyO]

Tell me what caused you to break it off with your ex, how long you had been together and his redeeming features (that made you stay as long as you did)

Would be interesting to see the two sides of the coin as it were.

Coercive control. He had me believing that I'd never be able to cope on my own. Then he cheated on me and that was the end. I don't even recognise the person I was anymore.

Is this exclusive only to a womans perspective or men allowed to air their version?

17 years, he wasnt interested in me, I was like an object who didnt have feelings, emotions, like I wasnt a real human being, he would arrange family get togethers with his family but wouldn't invite me, he would go out and leave me behind, I was an outsider in his life but he liked the perks of living with me. I owned the house so I felt I couldn't make him homeless, he was pretty useless without me. One day I walked in the house, he was in the kitchen and said "I dont love you anymore and I want you to leave" I didnt plan to say it, it just popped out. He cried and I just felt a weight lift off me, he begged for a while but I never backed down and never looked back

I didn't watch the football with him because I was online christmas shopping (for his presents). He got drunk, slept in the spare room and then the next morning screamed and raged in my face that I shouldve been supporting the nation He said i should be on my knees apologising to him.

It sounds pathetic but after 15 years of increasingly unhinged behaviour, that was the thing that made me pack my bags. He'd done a lot, lot worse over those 15 years but seeing such anger and hatred over football drove it home that he'd never be normal or loving.

6.5 years

Manipulating, controlling, stripped me off my personality, I had no friends left, I was scared to talk to anyone, I slept all the time as I was so stressed, distanced myself from my family and he would let me down all the time. We broke up hundreds of times but I always went back until one particular day. I said I was done put the phone down in along time actually smiled and laughed. Something just clicked that day and I started a new chapter in my life. I felt instantly relieved. I think you have to feel ready to do it plus I sticked to my mum like glue and became her shadow so I didn't feel alone.

I finally realised the way he treated me wasn’t okay.

7 years, fell out of love. Also he wanted kids and I didn’t. We’re still good friends.

I had two kids already, I couldn’t cope with a third.

My relationships to date - all different people obviously not just one very rubbish bloke who did all of them, that would have been even worse!

• Him not being ready to commit get a job, step up and stop letting me pay for everything

• Not being ready to commit despite being ten years older than me and devastated when I left

• Cheated on me, hit me, gaslit me, toxic relationship

• Cheated on me, lied all the time

• Too clingy and fawning to an unhealthy degree so I felt smothered

Endured mental, physical and sexual abuse, then when finally I started to let him go and get my own life back I watched him stand crying outside my house from an upstairs window. DD was safe and asleep. He couldn't get to us. The control was finally mine. Best decision I ever made.

My last serious relationship before meeting DH was 4 years, 21-25. I started to feel I was ready to slow down a bit and settle (not necessarily marry and have kids but start properly saving for a house etc). But it started to become clear he wasn’t ready to grow up just yet and had a lot of partying left to do. He wasn’t very career driven and had had everything handed to him on a plate and all of this became a huge turn off and I realised I didn’t want to spend my life with someone like that.

I made a promise to myself when we gave it yet another go, that it was the last time, last chance saloon, and it turns out I meant it. (I stayed then because he was begging and claimed depression and that he'd made a suicide attempt). When he fucked up yet again, I no longer had that feeling that we could get through it, or that I wanted to try to, it just wasn't there any more. I'd got to the stage where I had no hope and knew nothing would ever change while we were together, and I knew that I could cope, maybe even do better on my own.

His redeeming features were we had a lot of fun together - I don't really know now. I did love him so much originally - he just chipped and chipped it away.

Pros: financially solvent/go anywhere and do anything/great at DIY and household chores.

Cons: impatient (very)/obnoxious/nit picker/intolerant/sarcastic (personal)/loud/attention seeking/know all/contrary.

The most difficult personality I've ever met in my life.

Almost 7 years

Thanks for prompting me to write that down, I need constant reminding

Sorry, so the break up..

Lied throughout the relationship (women) lost his temper (impatience) sulked, and I called it a day, actually stick to my guns that time despite the begging/apologies. I never loved him though, just felt sorry for him.

7 wasted precious years

After 30+ years he left without saying goodbye. I thought it was a good marriage however according to him he had been unhappy for years. He just forgot to tell me or behave as if he was.

8 years. Emotional abuse at an epic level. I stayed because I truly loved him, or so I thought, though the more I read about limerence the more disturbing connections I’m making. He treated me like a doormat and I let him. In the end I had to get out while I’d a shred of self-respect to salvage. Thank God I did.

The last man I was so in love with. I thought he was perfect for me then he inexplicably starting to get jealous over nothing. I’d text him to say goodnight, say something sweet, tell him about my day and he’d reply “I don’t think you meant this for me?” Wtf?! Who else would I mean it for?! He started accusing me of being on a social media platform to flirt with men (I wasn’t, he thought there was potential there so either I was doing it or I’d be so stupid I would not notice if a man flirted w me then suddenly I’d be in love with someone else). It was mental and it scared me. We talked, I said he had one chance to sort it, he seemed better for a few weeks, then bam, started all over again. After an abusive exhusband I couldn’t take being frightened.

It was very sad and I still love him, but I can’t do that, can’t be subjected to baseless accusations. At one point a friend (in another city), her son started following my online account. Kid is 12, and gay, but I got the third degree over that.

His good points were that prior to this he was smart, kind, empathetic, smelled great, very sensual, great in bed.

Broke it off at 6 months because he was immature and very self unaware. He would lecture me about things, patronisingly telling me he will 'explain' them to me when he hasn't his shit together so not in a position to advice. And no, the advice wasn't from a don't do what I did point it was as if he figured it out fot himself when he was really light years behind me in life.

I stayed because he was very very good in bed.

@Itsallpointless mine is exactly the same as the way you describe yours. Like exact same pros and cons. Really don’t know what to do :(

Ex-h 12 years - essentially we outgrew each other, wanted different things, probably met too young tbh.

Last couple of bf - couldn't handle it after ex-bf1

Ex-bf1 3 years - the one after Ex-h, spent a year making me feel like I was special to him, then 2 years absolutely destroying me. Prioritising anyone but me, telling me I wasn't as pretty as other friends, going away with other friends and telling me I wasn't good enough, dropping a night a week with me to spend it with another friend, telling me I was controlling for stating my boundaries, eventually dropping my birthday plans to spend it with another friend. I left, I met someone else and the abuse continued from him. Got told my kids would be ashamed of me, that my actions proved our relationship had meant nothing to me and I was the selfish abusive one. Everything was my actions being wrong. No acknowledgement of his behaviour. My reactions were "over sensitive", "verbally abusive", "controlling", etc. 6 months of counselling, a boss stopping me from an overdose and a lot of friends being there for me and I finally realised I wasn't the problem. Haven't been able to cope with a relationship since because I'm just too aware of how easy it is to slide into something crap.

We were together for almost 20 years, married for 14. He checked out of our marriage and parenting, became a kind of bystander in our lives, about four years before I decided I wanted to separate. I thought it was my fault because I'd had problems with depression and anxiety, and actually, looking back, he made me believe it was. I tried and tried to make things work, for the kids, but ultimately it was never going to work, because he didn't want it to. He was just to much of a coward to say it. He didn't want the responsibility of being a parent, or of being married with a home to run, he was immature and selfish, but he made me believe it was because of my mental health problems.

I'm not sure he has any redeeming features - I only put up with it for so long for the kids. We separated almost 18 months ago, and he hasn't paid a single penny in child maintenance for his two children, and only has them one or two nights per week. His true colours sure have come out! I'm sure it'll bite him on the arse at some point though

I found out after we separated that he'd had an affair with someone he worked with, about four years earlier, at about the time he checked out of our marriage. Funnily enough, I've not had any bouts of depression or anxiety since we separated...maybe he was the cause of those, because of how he treated me!

I'm much happier now, and so are the kids!

Ex-husband - together for 11 years. Generally a nice bloke and supportive in lots of ways, but he was financially incompetent, never consulted me on life changing things such as buying a car/house. Relied on his rich dad too much. He also became distant and lost interest in me. I didn't love him anymore and just couldn't carry on the way we were. I started to feel like he just wasn't bothered. He is a good dad and I think he has learned from the mistakes he made in our marriage. We are still friends. He remarried and I get on well with his new wife.

Ex-P after my marriage broke down I made the mistake of getting quickly into another relationship, I met him through a hobby. With Ex-P it was instant attraction and he had a bit of an edge, very good looking. I moved in with him after a year of us being together (big fucking mistake!). Although he said he loved and adored me, he was quite distant emotionally. He was often argumentative and having no DC of his own, we came into conflict with regards to parenting. Due to my own insecurities from my ex-H losing interest, I often felt I wasn't good enough etc. His parents despaired of him as he didn't take me out/go anywhere with me in the later years. I'm at a loss as to why he was the way he was because his parents were a very good model of a positive and good marriage. After a few years all he did was sit at his computer at night and made no effort with the relationship. We had arguments about it after he decided me going to running club was 'abandoning him' . So whilst he didn't want to bother with me, he didn't want to make an effort either. It was all about control. I stayed with him because I actually thought I was trapped and nobody else would want me. We were together for nearly 10 years and the last few were fraught as he did the archetypal mid life crisis thing and hooked up with a much younger work colleague and had an affair. I left him the night I found the concrete proof and didn't look back. I realised I deserved a hell of a lot better and regret wasting my time with him. Although it was a horrible to be betrayed, I'm glad it happened. I'm out of a substandard relationship and I no longer have stress and anxiety.

Ex husband, I forgave the first affair and tried to move forward. I felt it so unfair to be out in the position of telling him to leave and break up the family just a few days before Christmas. He tried for a few months, being the normal charmer he is. But a few years later he did it again so that was the end of that. We stayed together for everyone else's sakes and not mine. It does not end well doing that.

Most recent. A one year relationship. He became too controlling and smothering and I just couldn't handle it any more. Although he didn't admit it, he said it probably felt like that to me as I'm the one for him and the love of his life so went overboard with emotions. Not even a week later he had a tinder profile up.

Not an official ex as such, but a supposed friend with a bit of 'sex.' I broke it off because of his insincere friendship and constant attempts to pressurize me into more sex than I wanted, or types of sex that I didn't want.