Ex boyfriend keeps sending me stuff in the post!

[shakiwulub9]

Just that really!

A 2 year relationship broke down last week (it was a long time coming), I instigated it, although we both felt the same - he would rather have buried his head in the sand and plod along rather than speak up about our incompatibility.

Anyway, for the last 2 days now he is sending me random things in the post. Yesterday was a little Disney trinket that I had always said I wanted (never asked him for it, mind) and today is a £250 coat I had always had my eye on. Again, I never asked for it from him, but I don't know what to do.

Of course I want to say thank you for it, but considering the relationship became rather toxic and manipulating on his part, I feel he is doing this to get a reaction out of me, and would messaging him be playing into that? At the same time as I don't want to be rude and say nothing at all??

Ahhhh 😫😫😫 (why could he not have showered me with gifts when I was with him!? Haha)

Tia x

Say nothing. Up to you whether you keep the things or not, but this is a ploy to win you back.
So I suppose, say nothing unless you want him back. But I wouldn’t.

This is massively manipulative, trying to get you to go back or regret ending it. You should be pissed off, not grateful. Send it straight back again and don't contact him.

Have some dignity and send the stuff back. Say you sore I are the gesture but it's inappropriate now.

Thank him for sending stuff you can donate to charity at this awful time..

This is called "hoovering" behaviour and is often done to as an attempt to regain some power and control over the target.

Do not at all respond to him and do not acknowledge these items in any way. Dispose of them as you see fit. What he wants from you is a response and a response to someone like him is the reward.

If you only broke up last week is it possible he ordered them before then? Either way I'd send a text saying thank you and leave it at that

Thank you all! I definitely do not want him back, and to me this just screams a manipulation ploy to make me contact him and take him back. I feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed? I initially hadn't heard from him since the break up, which I felt good about.
Receiving these things has made me feel very unnerved about the entire situation x

The dates on the invoices show these have been bought since the break up. I initially thought it could be that! But have since verified x

Id put them in a box and not acknowledge at all.

If manipulation is his GO TO, then do not feel "grateful".

Feel inconvenienced.

Ooh that's actually quite chilling op. Shows how manipulative he really is. You should refuse any future gifts at the door. Might be wise to post those ones back to him (recorded delivery) too. But I'd understand why you'd want to keep the coat xD

You could also text 'do not send me anything else or contact me again or I will speak to the police about it as it is harassment'. Then block him again immediately.

He us doing it to get a hold on you again. That's the sole reason. He sees you as his property and his ego can't stand that you've dared to leave him. Atm he is pretending to be mr nicely nice. When that doesnt work he may become mr nasty. You need to make it clear that you wont stand for it.

Police take these things seriously, they know what manipulation looks like. Hopefully just the threat of police will get him to back off. But dont hesitate to follow through if he keeps bugging u.

Narcissists dont give gifts - they give 'now you owe me's'

Oh and when he realises the presents haven't worked he may try to say you have to give them back then. In order to get you to meet him.

Either give them to a friend to return or tell him that as they were gifts, you have given them to charity. The first one is probably the smarter move though.

Borderline harassment. He needs a clear message of 'do not send me anything else' and then if he doesn't get the message it's alarming enough to report to the police.

This is something called 'Hoovering'. Its usually displayed by persons with NPD. Obviously not always. However thid is concerning. My advice would be to give him a clear message telling him to stop as you are uncomfortable and have no intention of continuing the realtionship and block all contact via phone, social media etc. If this behaviour continues then take it to the police.
As for the stuff keep it if you like or send it back xx

You need to send the stuff back and stop accepting gifts from him.

I don't think we know enough to say this is chilling or hoovering. If he was NPD then of course it is. On the other hand he may just be a man who knows he's fucked up and is trying to win you back.
As you are adamant you don't want him back I think you should return them to the retailer via the normal return service. Text him just once to say thank you, but you feel uncomfortable accepting them and have returned them so he should look out for the refund. Send him a photo of proof of return with your message so he has no excuse to come back to you.
Then don't engage any further. Ignore any more messages. Return any further gifts.
If he becomes a nuisance, then you can deal with it in a different, blunter way. But I'm not sure you are there yet.

I would simply send them back in the post.

No contact.

He will suggest meeting up to get the stuff back soon if not.

Return them.

^ to him I mean, not to the shop to get your (his!) money back

You don't need to send them back, they are gifts

You don't need to respond

If he turns up or demands that you meet him report him to the police

Normal people respect boundaries pp. They dont send you shit to try and 'win you back'. They accept 'I want to break up'. Please don't try and rationalise or excuse this behaviour. It isnt normal.

Unfortunately it is human nature to do as you just did and try see things from the other persons perspective too. But because we are normal, empathetic humans, we think of reasons why WE may act that way if we were him. But he isnt like us. Realistically, though we may try to convince ourselves (because we dont want to think of anyone as 'bad') most individuals just wouldn't do what ops ex is doing, because they would understand it could be misconstrewed as controlling. It wouldn't even cross their mind to do it. But ops ex...is not your average, empathetic person.

If I were you I’d package them up and give them back to him, saying “thanks but no thanks”.

classic hoovering! Normal people walk away and respect boundaries. he thinks he owns you and you;ll go running back. agree it's very manipulative.

He didn't do it in the relationship because he didn't have too.
And you don't want to be rude... then send it back but thanking someone for carrying on the abuse is ridiculous.

Keep it or don't but definitely don't communicate.
My ex did the same.
It manipulative.

One last message- stop sending me stuff I will be returning/refusing to accept it from now. I am also blocking you from this number. Please do not contact me again.

(Keep the £250 coat though!- or sell it and buy yourself something nice!)