Ex boyfriend keeps sending me stuff in the post!

[shakiwulub9]

Just that really!

A 2 year relationship broke down last week (it was a long time coming), I instigated it, although we both felt the same - he would rather have buried his head in the sand and plod along rather than speak up about our incompatibility.

Anyway, for the last 2 days now he is sending me random things in the post. Yesterday was a little Disney trinket that I had always said I wanted (never asked him for it, mind) and today is a £250 coat I had always had my eye on. Again, I never asked for it from him, but I don't know what to do.

Of course I want to say thank you for it, but considering the relationship became rather toxic and manipulating on his part, I feel he is doing this to get a reaction out of me, and would messaging him be playing into that? At the same time as I don't want to be rude and say nothing at all??

Ahhhh 😫😫😫 (why could he not have showered me with gifts when I was with him!? Haha)

Tia x

If he's buying online and sending directly, surely you can just return them? You can actually refuse delivery of most couriered things and they are obliged to return to sender.

I wouldn't say any form of thanks. You didn't ask for these things and him sending this post break up is manipulative. Unless items get left at your door, I would refuse to accept delivery going forward.

Stick them on eBay. Buy yourself something nice with the profits.

Keep it but don’t say anything to him, it will annoy him 😂. It’s a gift keep and enjoy and if he sends anymore keep them too 😁

He had become toxic and manipulative. Why would you NOT want to be rude?

Ignore. Sending them back is still a reaction and thats what he wants. Block him on everything. Ignore ignore ignore.

I wouldn't be making trips to send stuff back in these times. I'd bung them in the garage and ignore them. Charity shop or send back en masse when things are easier but no, not nice. Don't react.

OP can refuse unexpected parcels at the door/return them to sender unopened, which sends a clear message. As far as he's concerned, ignoring = accepting them, and will give him an in - at some point he'll want to collect on it.

I had a controlling manipulative ex who did something very similar. He simply couldn’t accept that I had taken control and dumped him. That wasn’t how it was supposed to work, in his head. He had been quite tight with money while we were together but after I dumped him he started sending me ostentatious gifts. I returned each and every one of them to him, without a note or text or any communication. They stopped after I tore a voucher up into little shreds rendering it utterly useless, and posted back the bits of paper, that would have killed the miserable bastard as he hated money being wasted

I personally would send them back. No note or conversation just return goods. Would feel uncomfortable keeping the items. Do what your heart tells you is right.

What's the update OP?

OP, I am NC with my mother.

For the first 8 years, she sent my children cheques in the post at christmas and birthdays.

At first, my ex husband and I discussed what to do with them - Return? Tell her to stop? Bank anyway? Ignore? Much the same as you are doing now.

We decided to just ignore. Because all of the other options would be a reaction/response. It took 8 years but she eventually stopped.

It's up to you what you do with the items - keep or dispose. I'd be tempted to keep the coat if you like it. And every time you wear it, it will remind you of your strength.

I'd also ignore any contact requesting their return too.

In fact, I'd block him.

Presumably you have text evidence that these were ordered and sent after you'd split up? But, either way, you can't demand gifts are returned after a break up. It's not how it works.

If you ignore him, he'll have no idea what you have done with them and that will knock him off kilter. He's banking on a response - any response. At this stage, he probably doesn't even care what that response is - it'll all be good in his eyes.

Do not thank him.

Write a note

Thank you but I cannot in good conscience keep these gifts, knowing our relationship is over, and that I know we won’t ever reconcile. Please refrain from sending other gifts. My mind won’t be changed.

I’d send them back too.

I wonder what came in the mail today?
Flowers? Chocolates? A puppy? xD

Hows it going op?

I would return them to the shops etc. I assume they are from online shops. Hopefully he will get the message without you contacting him.

Return them to the shops (the reason for the return is that they were unsolicited items from an Ex), do not engage with him directly.