Is it time to come to terms that we aren’t compatible and break up?

[Crispylemonade1]

Hey,

So me and my gf have been together 3 years now, i am almost 19 and she is 18. I feel like we are just loosing passion for eachother again, i say again because we have split up about 4 times through our time together.

The last time was for 6 months and after getting back from a lads holiday i missed her and got back in touch. When we have broke up in the past we have cut ties and not spoke whatsoever. But i think maybe i missed her as a friend rather than a lover.

Main issues:
• Sex Drive, mine is much higher
• Careers, I have a highly paid job and she is the opposite
• Maturity, I am a lot more mature than her and have many more life skills
• She is only child so mother is too attached to her

Good things:
• Loyalty
• 100% Trust
• We both listen to eachother
• Have good times together.

However now i dont get excited to see her or talk to her on the phone... it seems a tad bit of a chore now and i think it might be making me miserable.

Sorry if this is too long or i missed parts out but i hope you can give me some good advice. Welcome to ask any questions, I’m open to talk about anything.

Yes, end It

It shouldn’t be this difficult at your age. End it and live your life!

What highly paid job have you got at 18?

Also I am presuming you haven't actually seen each other for 2 months due to lockdown?

Yep. End it because let's face it, it's not going to get better is it.

You are so young, have no kids or financial commitments, and have already broken up several times. Just end it.

Good Lord you are 18, get out, have some fun, meet more people. Don't get caught up in the number of years you have been together. Google sunken cost fallacy.

I have been married for 20 years, I positively look forward to seeing and talking to my husband daily.

It’s not supposed to be chore.

Given your ‘maturity’ and ‘life skills’, where on earth have you picked up the idea that it’s normal or compulsory to be trudging along in an unhappy longterm relationship in your teens???

End it, and grow up, for God’s sake.

@Mammyloveswine
I’m a computer specialist engineer which is quite high paid for my age. And no we also havent seen eachother for 2 months due to lockdown.

@Cressless
I didn’t mention that this was and still is my first ever girlfriend, the only person I’ve slept with and the only person that has ever showed me interest. We shared all of our first sexual experiences together and had a great connection at first. I know i can find that in other girls but obviously it makes it quite a bit harder for me.

Sorry but how did an 18yr old lad come to find himself on Mumsnet?

Maybe because he feels like he cant talk to anybody else about his problems like the majority of men. Not even my close family.

Guess I shouldn’t have asked.

I have literally never heard of a "computer specialist engineer" and apparently nor has Google. Either way, real or reverse or whatever this is, end it as it's run its course.

Just because you are 18 doesn’t mean you can’t be having trouble ending your relationship. It’s no easier when you are 18 or 58 so I think people are being very rude to you! And I can imagine it would be hard to talk to friends your age about this.

You mentioned the “good things” but do you actually love her? Do you see yourself with her long term?

@ErickBroch Why have you gone to the trouble to question his career?

If he says he has a better paid job than her then that is obviously a factor for him. Can an 18 year not have a well paid job? Some people 🙄

@Crispylemonade1 Google a guy called Mathew Hussey and watch some of his relationship videos on YouTube I’ve always found his advice on relationships really helpful. And I’m sure he has a video about ending relationships as well ;)

Bloody hell Erick, having a bad day?! Are you seriously questioning that there are engineers who specialise in particular computers or computer parts?! You sound bonkers.

OP, yes, let it go. It is so hard to do with your first love, but it won't work long term if you feel like this now.

This exact post pops up every couple of months...

@SeriouslySoDoneIn yup exactly. And @AudaCityLimits it is literally the field I work in - which is why it sounded very obviously false.

Im a “systems specialist” if you want me to dum it down to a generic role. My job ranges from commissioning servers, configuring servers from reverse proxys, databases, forward proxies, working on linux projects, i also work a lot with GDPR holding a data protection officer responsibility since we work with sensitive personal information. I also freelance outside of my job too.

This was a post for some relationship advice. Not some dickhead who gets his guard up for no reason.

I know a young chap who got a very highly-paid job in that sort of field at a young age, so I believe you on that.

It is probably time to end things though, you've been together since you were, what, 15? Both of you will have changed a lot in that time, and it seems that you have grown apart.

@crispylemonade1 this board is on the defence all the time because of persistent trolling from creepy men and journalists as well as people who are bored and looking for a rise. Not an excuse, but just why some users are quick to jump down your throat.

I think you seem genuine though, so I think honestly this has run its course. If it's making you miserable you will be happier alone. It's scary and first but it's freeing, like a weight lifted. And she's not the only girl in the world... trust us. Plenty more fish in the sea. You'll see!

If you're 18 and not happy in a relationship, you end it, it's not brain surgery