Is it time to come to terms that we aren’t compatible and break up?

[Crispylemonade1]

Hey,

So me and my gf have been together 3 years now, i am almost 19 and she is 18. I feel like we are just loosing passion for eachother again, i say again because we have split up about 4 times through our time together.

The last time was for 6 months and after getting back from a lads holiday i missed her and got back in touch. When we have broke up in the past we have cut ties and not spoke whatsoever. But i think maybe i missed her as a friend rather than a lover.

Main issues:
• Sex Drive, mine is much higher
• Careers, I have a highly paid job and she is the opposite
• Maturity, I am a lot more mature than her and have many more life skills
• She is only child so mother is too attached to her

Good things:
• Loyalty
• 100% Trust
• We both listen to eachother
• Have good times together.

However now i dont get excited to see her or talk to her on the phone... it seems a tad bit of a chore now and i think it might be making me miserable.

Sorry if this is too long or i missed parts out but i hope you can give me some good advice. Welcome to ask any questions, I’m open to talk about anything.

OP, I was assuming she was your first girlfriend. Everyone has a first girlfriend/boyfriend. Most of us realise that it is vanishingly unlikely that we will stay with them forever. You say you’re unhappy and bored, but you say she’s the only person who’s ever shown a sexual interest in you — your eighteen, for heaven’s sake! Lots of people haven’t had any relationships at eighteen! It’s a bit early to write yourself off.

And frankly, you sound as if you don’t respect her in the slightest — according to you her best quality is that she’s ‘loyal’ (like a pet dog?) but you also say she’s immature, too close to her mother, has a low sex drive and doesn’t have a ‘highly-paid’ job at eighteen. (Like the majority of eighteen-year-olds, apart from you, it seems.)

Do her a favour and end this — you’re not doing anything for her by preventing her from meeting someone else who appreciates her, and/or spends some time growing up.

We shared all of our first sexual experiences together and had a great connection at first. I know i can find that in other girls but obviously it makes it quite a bit harder for me

So you don't respect her but she is a convenient bunk up then, with such a high flying career, excessive maturity and a plethora of life skills I am sure you will have no trouble finding another girlfriend to service you. If this is real dump her and let her move on with her life, if this is not real please troll harder next time.

I felt like I was reading about me for a moment there! I've just been in the same situation as you OP, identical. I called off a 2 year relationship at the weekend (just gone) for all of those reasons above. Ultimately, the relationship wasn't making me happy anymore, it was adding no value to my life, and lockdown made me realise that I could a) live without him and b) be okay with that! I debated it for weeks and weeks before I actually did it.
Took a lot of courage to say those words but I've never felt better.
Such a weight off my shoulders.
Relief.
Not wasting any more energy on something I'm not fully invested in.

Please do what makes you happy. You are not alone x

@shakiwulub9
Thank you for the nice genuine reply. It’s only during this lockdown that I’ve stated to face that i may have been depressed for a while. I never seen it as a big deal as i just thought that’s life, you get down and some people like to seek attention sometimes but I’ve been down for months on end which i now know isnt normal. This also is probs due to the fact i fell out with all my friends last summer and im not close with my family. So i have just worked 7am-10pm pretty much everyday since then.

This goes to everyone who has commented nicely, there will be people like me who feel like they cant talk to anyone so they create a burner account online and ask for help. I never expected to be biten at by people i thought everyone was here to help. I don’t understand why people would troll on a forum like this though, that just sounds absolutely stupid and weird to me but just make sure you know who you’re talking to before commenting.

Some of the comments people made upset me quite a bit.

Op ignore that nastiness on here. Some of them don't believe a word they read unless it's describing the same domestic setup as their own.

That said, I get the feeling that you see yourself as 'above' her in many ways? I don't mean that offensively, but you mention her not having a highly paid job? You cannot honestly expect an 18/19yr old to have a highly paid job? You are fortunate to, but that is unusual.

Besides that, you sound generally incompatible. Like the relationship has run its course.
Ultimately, a relationship, whilst often requiring work and not always being easy, should mature like a fine wine. Your love should intensify over time and for it to last forever, there should still be that spark that makes you excited to see and speak to each other each day. Yes that sounds a little romanticised and it's not always perfect like that but you get the idea.
A relationship like you describe yours, isn't going to last another 70 years, is it?

Maybe you can see each other again in the future or even stay in touch with a phone call once a month or something, if you feel you'll miss her. I did that with an ex who I had a good friendship with and didn't want to lose touch with and it made separating a lot easier.

Good luck