Husband had an affair with colleague

[Virgo833]

Has Anyone here been betrayed on by their husband or wife ??
My husband betrayed me with a colleague at his work- this women has a reputation getting with married men.
My husband was a little different the week he cheated.. distant irritable etc And when I Confronted him, he made it out like I was being paranoid - and that I should let him breath, I then left it.
The day before my husband cheating, he told me that he has an client meeting after work, now usually my husband has client meetings during work hours not after work. It was a little funny to me.
Next morning Friday ( the day he cheats ) he wakes me up with a good morning kiss and hug then tells me how lucky he is to have me which led me to think he’s back on track and out of the little funk he was in the whole week . When my husband left, 20 mins later I had the worse feeling and felt sick which resulted me not going into work -my husband messaged me asking what time I was going work and how much he misses and loves me etc - the last text I got from my husband was him telling me his client meeting is now pushed to 3.30pm and that his battery is low - I read the message at 3.40 and I messaged him back ‘okay hun’ my message wasn’t delivered.
So around 4ish I sat on the couch and logged into our iPad ( we use mutually) to watch a movie but I notice my husband had emails coming thru, I was contemplating weather to check his mails or not, finally gave in and clicked inbox, I see an hotel confirmation email which has been forwarded the same day to a name called becky - I froze and I just started crying, I called the hotel got an answer but couldn’t be connected to the room it was just ringing, and did ask the hotel to confirm who was staying in the room ( they gave my husbands name) - around 9ish I hear key rattle, and my husband makes his entrance with a happy face and different clothes on , ‘ babyyyy I’m home ‘ I confronted him straight up ‘ how did it go with Becky, you had a good fu*k’ ( he was shocked and turned bright red ) and he denied it but eventually gave in .. I made his life living hell, and Beckys too, I told him I’m divorcing him .. .. I did throw few punches at him because I was blacked out. Which I shouldn’t have but no I don’t regret it.
he became suicidal when I told him I’m done, obviously I didn’t let him kill himself. Eventually i forgave him months later only because he was remorseful, he was apologetic and told me it happened because she was there showing him attention and that he got caught up with the excitement and it didn’t mean anything. I wanted details on what happened which made me livid ..I felt insecure ( my husband Did reassure me that him sleeping with becky wasn’t anything to do with me. And he did say it was his fault.
my husband an I we are still in love with each other, but the problem is I’m still mad at him! Why can’t I frikken let this shitttt go !!!
I get so snappy with him , and I keep thinking that he’s going to mess up again which then leads me to believe that I don’t trust him.. Am I the only one who finds it hard to let go ! Can anyone relate??? I feel insecure some days ( my husband continuously tells me I’m beautiful, but this doesn’t change anything.
Sorry for the long message I’m just really hurt.

I had an affair and was caught by my DH.

He asked me to stay, but the honest truth is while in some ways it would have been easier financially and with the kids, I knew with 100% certainty I would have cheated again. Once you give yourself that option in a relationship then its always an option.

Virgo833 dont feel bad for me, i divorced the idiot and now have the best life ever with a man who would never do a single thing to hurt me.Let go of the man that doesnt respect you and go and have a wonderful wonderful life.

before my husband an I got married ...
the women he was cheating on me with ‘Becky’ the colleague I have met her before at my husbands after work drinks a year before his betrayal.
I was invited and I thought I’d stop by as my husband really wanted me to meet his collegues,
So Becky was the first one to introduce herself to me, very bubbly talkative. I was at the work drinks for max 2 hours and the whole two hours she couldn’t stop talking to me complementing Me! She started talking to me about her personal life she said ‘I have a boyfriend, he was married before with kids , and we had an affair which resulted him divorcing his wife for me and now he’s in prison for tax invasion’ I didn’t know what to say As I’m against affairs and she just came to me with this info kick a slap on the face, I just kept my opinion to my self-my husband came for my rescue and we left. As I was leaving she grabbed my arm and said I’m adding you ok social media and she did.

Fast forward Beckys boyfriend was released from prison few months after he was released, he tragically passed away (suicide) and Becky was distraught and I even contacted her to comfort her.
In 2017 December Xmas work party( 5 days before her boyfriend died ) she came to this party and everyone including my husband was surprised to see her and my husband did text me saying becky is here - I was just a little surprised. Apparently she was partying and drinking being loud.
Anyhow 2018 approaches... this is when it all starts with my husband and her. She would vent to my husband about how upset she was about her boyfriend suicide, And she said she will put together a charity run! My husband was going to join this charity too.
So when My husband told me this at the time I don’t know why but I had this weird flashback And said to myself ‘ what if becky and my husband...’ then I just shook my head and told my self to STOP imagining things.
So literally beginning of 2018 was when she started flirting back and forth with my husband and he was obviously giving it back up till June.
Guys could’ve this betrayal be an emotional thing for becky ?

What I've realised over the years is that many men have this thing where they compartmentalise different parts of their lives in a way that we women don't tend to do so much. They can go off and have sex with somebody else, even if they are in a happy relationship, and see it as no big deal or it won't hurt anyone if they never find out, and while it's going on they don't connect the dots between what they are doing and the repercussions for their spouse. So it's not until D-Day - which they never think will actually come - when their spouse does find out about their infidelity that the reality of what they have done actually hits them. And even then it can take time for them to fully understand the trauma they have caused their spouse (and some just aren't capable of ever 'getting it'). If I went out and had an affair one of the first things that would occur to me would be possible discovery and the consequences of that which would be the trauma caused to my spouse and the chance I might lose them - a lot of men just don't think that far ahead. And to them the sex literally doesn't mean anything - which makes it even crazier that they risk losing the person they love over it. I personally cannot get my head around that at all - to me having sex is the most intimate thing you can do with another human being, but many people can do it without having any feelings for the person they are doing it with. It's weird to me. None of that is an excuse, it is just the way many men think, and it's their spouse who has to live with what they have done, it is a terrible thing to do to somebody.

And I have to say, that to do that one month after your wedding is absolutely horrendous. Cheating is the kind of thing you might expect (but not condone!) if a marriage was in trouble, or stale, or in a rut, or outside influences like money worries were overshadowing a relationship, even parental responsibilities taking their toll is another thing that might lead somebody to look for an 'escape' in some fantasy somewhere - but a month after your wedding? The lovely honeymoon period? That is awful. It makes a total mockery of your wedding vows, like he didn't mean any of them.

The question is whether you truly believe his remorse is actually genuine, and whether you think he really understands how traumatised you are by what he did? Because in order to move forward he really needs to 'get it' or there's no point.

Having just read your update - there are some women out there who will try to reel in a man by acting like they need to be rescued, as it sounds like she has done. A friend of mine is going through exactly this right now. It is conniving and attention seeking and an ego trip. And some men are too stupid to see through it. Awful behaviour from both sides.