Offered shielding family member a place to stay, but regretting it... AIBU?

[Buildblock]

Basically, STUPIDLY invited shielding mum here because they were struggling to cope alone... but I'm struggling having them here due to the fact she is so difficult to live with.

I'm sorry if this post is a bit disjointed or doesn't make sense in places but my emotions are high and I just need to vent!!

Basically, I just feel sorry for her. She has negatively impacted so many people's lives (mine included) that people just avoid her. At times I'm of the feeling that she has brought it on herself but then I just feel guilty because she 'family.'

She is part of the conspiracy crowd and comes here, tells us amongst many other things coronavirus is not real, leaving the house everyday for cigarettes and alcohol. Will not pay with card because this is another conspiracy - the gov are turning us into a cashless society so they can keep tabs on everything and restrict every part of our lives. Will not take her outdoor shoes off in carpeted rooms that the baby is crawling around in. Not hand washing at all (AT ALL!!) because "it's how you build up immunity and germs/viruses are just a theory." So why would we need immunity at all? Surely she's just contradicting herself. Basically anything that the gov advises she does the complete opposite because it's all a conspiracy. But then dropping sly hints about how breastfeeding (which she knows I had an almighty struggle with) is best every so often - I know it's best which is why I tried so hard for so long. But the only reason she would know it was 'best' is because the WHO/gov have done the research and told us for the greater good. The same WHO funded by the "villain Bill Gates who is just trying to depopulate the world by inventing a vaccine that will kill us all." She's concerned the economy is going to pot but does not contribute to society or have any assets so I don't know what she's worried about. She tells us she's worried we've harmed our children by vaccinating them, yet smokes about 40 a day. Sits downstairs lecturing the household regarding Trump: the best thing since sliced bread. From 5G to world leaders being lizards from underground or something this woman is driving me f*** crazy.

Anytime I tell her to just stop speaking about these things she just says I have a narrow mind and I'm ignorant, indoctrinated and can't listen to differing points of view.

She just sits all day watching all these conspiracy videos on her tablet out loud without earphones. We could be sitting watching a film with the children and that's all we can hear. Nobody says anything because I guess we are all spineless and the children are so kind. I assume she thinks we will listen and our minds will be changed.

I know the next thing that will come will be her judging of my parenting skills. I am spending a lot of time away from the communal areas (because she's in them) and my DH is doing the bulk of everything. He finds it easy to just switch off but at the same time it's just encouraging her because she thinks he's in agreement. But I'm just trying to avoid confrontation.

I can't help but think it's her way of blaming the world because basically she has royally screwed up every aspect of her life.

AIBU for wanting her to go? Thoughts?

Nobody says anything because I guess we are all spineless
Good god you are !!
Well if you can't even say wash your hands or take your shoes off then you aren't going to tell her to leave .
You need to grow a backbone today and say time to go .

I'd send her home and then pay for her Internet for her so she can find "her people" online. Perhaps have food delivered once a week. You can help her without her being in your house.

@imsooverthisdrama she just says I'm OCD and belittles me. My DH I'm guesing just doesn't want to get involved/on her bad side.

You’re not being unreasonable at all OP. She doesn’t respect you or appreciate what you are doing for her. As Oldwoman says you could pay for her bb if you want to help her get back into the internet if she enjoys that. She’s happy. You’re happy. Job done. She’s got to go. She’s endangering you all.

So what you going to do allow her to treat you all like shit ? Show your dc it's not right .

Handling my baby and toys without washing her hands after toileting would be enough for me to send her on her way, without the rest of it!

She is not shielding. There is no need for her to be putting on you. Send her home

The thing is she is entitled to her opinion but so are you .Your house your rules . She has made it quite clear she does not want to adhere to the rules or respect your opinion . Therefore she must return home .

If she starts arguing just say she should feel grateful that she has raised you to have your own opinion and stick to it . Just as she has done .

You have to live with your judgements as does she .

Btw nothing snobby about basic hygiene.

And yes to paying for the internet . It will be a small price to pay .

Grow a back bone and tell her to out of your house.
But really, she's right, corona is a hoax. The numbers are grossly inflated due to the ways they record death. Maybe you should listen to your mother sometime.

Nope, drive her home, radio on loud to drown the noise of her ravings.

You need to ignore the tinfoil hat folks not at all looking at anyone particular on this thread

Send her home. Today.

But really, she's right, corona is a hoax
Always one

If she's so fucking smart, she plainly doesn't need to shield with you, then. Because that would be admitting that she's talking bollocks.

I agree with so many others. If Corona doesn’t exist she has no need to shield. Tell her calmly you are shielding yourself.... from her. Regardless of the conspiracy theories she claims you have a right to basic hygiene in your home with your children. If she cannot agree to that then let her take her chances on her own terms.

Good luck

Like other posters have said, if corona doesn't exist - she doesn't need to be there.
Send her home, stop letting her treat you this way. Tell your husband to have your back. He's married to you not her.
At this rate she won't be going home after lockdown if you don't put your foot down now.

Urgh. I gave two family members like this. I have cut them both off. I don’t want their toxic influence around my children and it’s so bad for my mental health. There’s a reason nobody else wants her around.
Get strong op. This lockdown is the perfect time to re-evaluate who is in your life from now on.

Please just chuck her out. She will damage your mental health in the long run, and that'll impact on your marriage and your own children. Fuck that. Tell her you're taking her for a run in the car then abandon her when she's not looking.

Those dickheads saying it's a hoax never stop to think if posters on here have directly lost someone from Coronavirus. I'm sure them being starved of oxygen and the xrays showing it take over the majority of their lungs leading to their death is just a big cover up. Numbers conflated or not @My2centsare some have lost family to this. Have some fucking respect.

Her name doesn’t begin with K does it? I can’t believe there could be two of them - the bullshit she’s posting on Facebook is unbelievable and I can’t imagine how awful it would be to actually love with her.
I’ve been worrying about her kids for weeks.

I understand these kinds of relationships can be complex but the black and white facts are you’re allowing her to put your family, your children, in harms way. We’re in a global pandemic and you’ve brought someone who refuses to wash her hands into your children’s home. That’s the bottom line. She needs to go, now.

@Corneliusmurphy No, we aren't talking of the same person.

So, are you going to send her home?

OP, you have tried to be helpful and have gone out of your way to be kind. But your mum is not only throwing your good intentions back at you. She is knowingly and wilfully putting the health of your family at risk. I admire you - I absolutely could not have my mum or MIL here - but now, you need to put your child, yourself and your Dh first. Your mum is clearly not shielding and in that case, can carry on as she likes in her own home.

She is going home! Can't believe she has treated us without a care. She was sitting smoking and starts harking on about how smoking looks to be good at combating the coronavirus (which appparently doesn't even exist). Is it not the nicotine they are citing to be helpful? So she can sit and absorb the nicotine whilst we get zero pretection but are sorrounded by poisonous air which will also put us at harm .

Then we go maybe an hour without any incident and I think 'you are such a bad person to have these feelings toward her' .

She doesn't even suspect anything is wrong.