Has anyone MADE themselves choose a safe option man after a series of disastrous relationships?

[KateCanDo]

Just that really.

I briefly dated a safe man - good sex, job, conversation. No drama just safety. I lost interest because in honestly I thrive from highs and lows and I didn’t have that oh my god spark. No nerves before I met him etc

He’s recently started up conversation and asked me out again. Since we last dated two years ago I have had car crashes of relationships. Am I missing a trick here?

I find it so hard to even know who is safe. After my exh I fell in love with someone who wanted to rescue me, and I was really ready to be taken care of and feel cared for. He was great for years until he discovered a deep vein of scary jealousy. Now I think I’ve met a nice guy, but don’t trust my instincts ...

In answer to the thread title, has anyone MADE themselves choose a safe relationship - I decided if I felt I could date again to yes, be very mindful of what that person is like, if that's the same thing, so I would, but I would now make myself swiftly end a new relationship that's got the red flags. It's only through the bad experiences I've had, I now (think) I know what to look for. Or rather what I DON'T want. The sort of things the abusers do. The PP that said they don't trust their instincts, I felt like that for ages, but maybe it's because we don't trust ourselves not to go down the same road again. After two abusive relationships I think it's less likely. After the first one you might blame yourself, then stay in the next one for all the wrong reasons. I think some of it boils down to luck if your not mindful of what to look for, if you're lucky enough to meet a good man the first time round, the relationship should last and if it doesn't you have a bar against what to go by.

Yess! I did this, and unfortunately the quiet ones are always the crazies. He seemed perfect for a year, then out came the dysfunction!

You can't make yourself fall in love with someone by an effort of will, if that is what the OP is asking.

Although the majority opinion here is that most nice quiet guys are actually secretly abusive and/or cheaters. That logic sounds awfully convenient, i.e. if most apparent nice guys are scumbags, might as well just focus on the obviously exciting, inconsistent ones.