Pregnant after being together 4 months

[ohgodhelpme]

Just that really. I've just found out I'm pregnant. I have the copper coil in. I have children from a previous relationship, so does my boyfriend. We have discussed kids and I've always been adamant I don't want more, hence the coil. He said he's not bothered. I haven't told him yet, I need to get my head around it and figure out what it is I want to do about it, but thinking I should just tell him. I'm scared. Things are going amazing between us I feel like this might ruin things. I don't know him well enough to be able to guesse his reaction. I'm completely torn up I don't know what to do.

Have spoke to a dr, they want me to go in in a couple days and see if they can remove the coil. Said to look out for symptoms of eptopic. I'm all over the place I need advice I don't even know how to tell him. We moved in together temporarily during lockdown but a week ago he went home as he had a family emergency so not sure when I'll see him face to face next.

I'm so worried about it. It sounds silly to some because it's so early on but we just get on so well and have a good thing going I don't want to ruin things. I wish I could just get an abortion and not tell him, but I do see a future with him and I couldn't live with it. It's just a shit thing to happen. What will be will be. I'll tel him, we will talk it over and the end decision will be mine, and if we don't survive this he wasn't the man for me. Got to keep telling myself that.

Hi OP sorry this must have come as a total shock! The same happened to me two years ago. Contraception failure after being with a man for only a few months. I was in love with him but I still went ahead with the abortion without telling him because I felt it was my body and my choice. I had to put myself first as I did not want to deal with his choices and emotions. I told him afterwards and he was very understanding - but that’s because he didn’t have to go through the decision making, build up etc. We split up for other reasons and I have not a single shred of doubt since - and I’m childless but hoping for a family one day.

Trust me it’s your decision and you can do what you want without him. It’s only been four months, you don’t owe him anything. You’re living together and this is a big thing to happen and manage when in the early stages of a relationship especially during lockdown.

Unless you’re 100% sure he will be understanding, and look after you and put you first, I would not tell him.

At the very least see what happens after the coil is removed.

Take it day as it comes.

You will be fine

Sorry just saw your last post. Good luck OP - it will work out either way

OP I’m not sure why you’ve gotten such a rough ride, you didn’t ask for relationship advice....

The only thing I would recommend here is that you think of yourself and your children first here. If you want to tell him, that’s fine too but just remember that whatever his thoughts and feelings are on the matter, that your wants and needs surrounding the pregnancy are what is most important.

Whether you want to go ahead or terminate is totally and completely up to you.

I understand OP.
Is the reason you don't want any more children because your relationship is new or is it because you feel you've had your time?

I've always been adamant I don't want more, hence the coil

@PatricksRum I was in an abusive marriage a few years ago, I ended up raising the kids pretty much on my own because he refused to do a thing, then when I left was a single mum which was a very difficult time in my life. Main reason is my older children though. I feel they have been through a lot, another baby in the home as well as my boyfriend moving in permanently, and then his children visiting in the mix... We would need to move for a start.

I would never advise someone to have or not to have a termination. It’s a personal decision that only the person going ahead with it has to live with.

However, the fact that you appear to be very impulsive,bringing the kids together,moving in together after a few months when you barely know each other which makes me wonder whether bringing another child into this mix is the best thing when it’s not just you but five existing children who need to be considered.

And after four months there’s every chance the relationship won’t last,and if it doesn’t then you have the issue to deal with that his children will then have a half sibling,so there will be no getting away from the man if you don’t stay together.

Obviously that’s possible regardless of how long you’ve been together,but the difference is that you have no idea at this stage whether a relationship will work.

The fact you’ve been so impulsive here makes me think you think with your heart and not your head. You need to put your heart aside for a bit and think rationally about all this.