Anyone help re. Settlement but not married?

[31weeksgone]

It’s a long back story but I need to leave my “DP”. Many a thread about it before, he’s been manipulating and quietly controlling so not feeling any empathy or warmth there at all.

I’ve lived with him for 7 years, been a mum for 5 or so to his (our) child. I gave up my job and career. We’re not married. I moved into his house, and he kept paying his mortgage.

Would I be entitled to anything at all when we split up? I know we’re not married but I’ve lived here for 7ish years and he’s paid the mortgage with family money for all of this time.

I’m going to be walking away to a while of struggling on benefits as a student too whilst he keeps his house and family mortgage paid.

Has anyone got any experience of anything like this at all and offer any advice?

bumping please x

I have no experience but unless you are a joint owner of the house in some way, I don't think you are actually entitled in law to anything but child maintenance and benefits. You say the mortgage was paid for from family money, is that a joint account or his account. I have no idea, hopefully I've bumped for someone who has but I think in English law the house belongs to the legal owner.

You'll be entitled to cms. Unless you've provided a lump sum to add value to the house (EG paid for an extension, kitchen refit etc) you're very unlikely to get anything else.

Your post serves as a salutary warning here to women with children who are neither married or in a civil partnership.

He is only financially responsible for his child, not you personally and your legal status here is very poor. I would certainly pursue a maintenance claim for your child and also look into formalised court ordered access to your child rather than any informal arrangement.

In terms of personal possessions what is his is his and what is yours is yours. I would firm up plans to leave him asap; its no point at all in staying with him any longer than you absolutely have to, can you get family to move you and your child out when he is out of the house?.

He won't make it at all easy for you going forward either and could well use your child as punishment to get back at you. Your freedom from his abuses of you though is worth it. I would also suggest you contact the resources at the top of this Relationships page and

You’re not automatically entitled to anything as you’re not married. I think you’d have to put in a claim under the TOLATA area - trust of lands and appointment of trust act. While he dioesnt have to support you there are some responsibilities for his child which you might be able to use
Worth a conversation with a solicitor to assess your case

Sorry - haven’t been able to reply. I know re. A very vulnerable situation, but I don’t have a job or any money to move out as a student. I’ll have to look into it thank you x

Sadly this is the importance of marriage, I don't think you can claim any money for yourself.
If he's likely to try and get out of paying child maintenance you might be wise to try to gather evidence of his income and put in the claim now.
If you have no money contact the council and let them know you've been thrown out of the house and are homeless. They will put you and your daughter up.
If you've paid into a joint account then remove your money now.

Apart from paying child maintenance for your child I’m afraid you’re not entitled to anything as you’re not married

When did you give up work? Have you ever paid towards the mortgage in the 2 years before you had your child?

Is your student finance claim affected by his income?

You could try to get specialist advice on Schedule 1 of the children act, which applies to the unmarried. But in practice that tends only to be used for very high income/wealth partners. Some details here:
www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed143067

Unmarried couples have zero legal status or protections (you have to opt in to having them), as others have said, if you have contributed to the mortgage deposit or payments with your own money, you may be entitled to get some back possibly. He should pay for his kid, but that’s all.

A very good friend of mine was in the same situation, her ex earned over 300k. She got CMS, he got everything as they weren't married.

Sorry. You are entitled to absolutely nothing.

You are entitled to child support unless you share care 50%, in which case you won't get any of that either.

Yes marriage means something.

I think pps are right. CMS for your child (or more if you can agree it, but no right to more) and that’s it.

I agree that’s the importance of marriage or civil partnership, and the danger of moving in with someone and giving up your job.

You haven't been together that long and you're not married so you're not in the best position - you could obtain an order to live in his house until the child is 18 but you'd have to work to pay the bills - courts take a dim View of giving the mother the family home at no cost whilst they don't work. He would always own the home and it would revert back to him when the child is 18.

His payment would be subject to minimum CMS calculations- depends on how amicable your relationship is as to whether he voluntarily offers to pay more but if I were you I'd be expecting to go back to work

Suggest get financial advise from your student services & citizens advice

If you are single with child

I believe that you would receive
Child benefit
Possibly some Universal credit, some may be deducted due to a student loan
And
Apply for child maintenance from your ex
And
Work part time

Good luck

Is he the father of the child ?

I do work for my degree, it’s one where you work alongside it effectively for free. (Don’t want to say what, but easy to guess) I’ll have a good income when the degree is gone, but a fair few years to go yet. It’ll be worth it in the end, just a rough few years to go. Thanks all.

Yes, he is the father of my child. We’ve been together 8 years, living together 7, she is nearly 5.

Sadly the reality had been spelled out by others, only CMS for his child from him, you won't be entitled to any support for yourself.

You haven't made any financial contributions to the mortgage and I presume not spent anything on material improvements to the home so you aren't entitled to any of that (which is entirely right as it is not your property and I presume you have been living there rent free for this period).

I'm not sure things like mesher orders (where a primary carer remains in the home while the children are growing up) would be applicable for non-married couples who don't co-own a property. So I don't think that the suggestion that you could stay in the property until the child is 18 has any legal basis in this case.

How long before you finish your degree?

Only thing you can do is try and make copies of bank statements, pay slips etc so that when you apply for maintenance he can’t plead poverty.

Do you have access to joint finances?

My ExH was not violent and although the things were unpleasant at home, there was no immediate need to get the hell out of the house straight away. If you and your kid are not in danger see this time as the opportunity to put your ducks in a row while he is paying to keep a roof over your head and dc’s

First thing to do as soon as we are out of lockdown is finding a job (any job, it is a massive myth you can have a good life living off benefits alone) start saving, make plans, etc but only leave when it suits YOU and YOUR CHILD, there is no point to go into the stress of not being able to pay a deposit for a place or find yourself in hardship due to lack of planning.

Now, if he is violent... get in contact with WomensAid or ask police to put you in touch with any organisation that helps victims of domestic abuse, they may find an emergency safe place for you and dc to stay while you are sorting yourself up.

@LouHotel, his wealth is irrelevant when it comes to child maintenance, the only thing the OP needs is his National Insurance number.