What the fuck is this?? Does anyone have gmail and know anything about

[Helpmesolvethisahh]

Photo attached

My and my husband going through a tough time due to trust issues. I look through his iPad I’m not even going to deny it. I see this... clicked on the link and apparently it’s the “best dating site” according to google

What is google ads? Could it be an ad he has accidentally clicked on? Or would he have to type this in to the search?

[GilbertMarkham]

You'll get your half of any assets (equity etc), child maintenance as long as he doesn't have them more than two overnights I think, your wage, maybe some universal credit, you'll get 85% of childcare paid as a single working mum (with registered centre of childminder) etc.

Try to get a free first consultatation with a solicitor if any in your area do them..(or just pay if you can afford it).

Citizens advice is also good for benefits/financial etc advice.

[GilbertMarkham]

You're not paranoid, he's shown himself to be unfaithful (just short of actual sex - though massage parlours of that type often cross over to brothels with hand jobs,blow jobs etc offered) but you have wonder if a d when he'll do that too (he works away a bit dud you say?).

Even if he hadn't had intercourse, I think his behaviour (the cam sex, the dodgy massage he "didn't" have etc.) Would be enough for many people to end the relationship.

No wonder you feel the way you do. You're not paranoid, you're naturally on edge, have no trust in him, waiting for the next thing.

[GilbertMarkham]

Actually I think a poster on here before said her DH had eventually admitted to sex (but he was prone and she got in top of him and inserted him into her so he didn't really actively have sex with her ) in a massage parlour/brothel so they apparently do that too sometimes.

[Buggedandconfused]

OP, this is no way to live. I’ve been through it and it doesn’t get better.
My ex was exactly the same. Found he had an account on Fab Swingers & Adultwork. Said he was just looking. Looked at web history like you have, he didn’t clear it all, put ‘sex’ in the search for his history, and prostitute visits came up. He promised to change. Nah, he didn’t. They don’t. They can’t. Once I realised it wasn’t that he didn’t want to change, but he actually couldn’t I managed to extricate myself. These men aren’t capable of change, they are limited in their growth and it’s finite.
I’m now away from him for good and the peace of mind I feel is worth every moment of heartache I went through. Incidentally he blamed me for doing all the awful seedy things he’d done! Go figure.
Get your finances in order and get in touch with a solicitor. Your mental health is not worth this shitty excuse for a man.

[Seaweed42]

You don't need a reason to leave someone.
You have the right to just decide it's not where you want to be.
You only have to say 'I didn't want to be with him any more'. It's a choice.
I know it doesn't feel like a choice to you.
Have you told anyone in real life what he has been doing or how you are really feeling? Could you do telephone counselling or is he at home all day? He can pay. You could spend up to £2000 on it and not feel guilty.
Are you keeping this all under wraps because thats what 'expected' by your family. You feel shame, but you have done nothing wrong! So don't let Shame stop you making a decision.

[Bluewater1]

You're not paranoid. His appalling actions have destroyed the trust you had in him. All trust would be lost from me in your situation and I would choose to leave. I really feel for you OP

[LittleWing80]

I feel there are some couples that don’t try hard enough when there are kids involved, my brother being one. I have wanted to try my best for years and I’m finally done with it all.

You know he cheats and uses prostitutes therapeutic massages and you are doing your best to maintain the relationship.... surely he should be the one grovelling, showing remorse and doing the work it takes to save the relationship, not you!

This guy has gaslighted you so much that he has successfully managed to make you accept:

1. you are paranoid
   
2. you are not allowed to question him
   
3. you don’t have a right to know what he is up to online and with the family money
   
   I completely get you could not leave with a newborn baby but you cannot accept his bullshit. From what I read on these threads, people who are willing to work on their relationships after cheating are advised by counsellors to give full access to their phones etc to the cheated partner.
   
   His actions show he has no intention to stop and by staying you will signal to him that you don’t like it but accept it.
   
   Sadly, you don’t have the power to make him stop or make this relationship the one you want without him playing his part. You can only control your own actions and consider if you want your daughter to learn dad’s behaviour as the normal way a man should treat a woman. Good luck OP 💐

[JacobReesMogadishu]

Well with his history and the fact he's deleting his search history he's up to something. If he had nothing to hide he wouldn't be deleting.

You can finish things without finding any more proof. I don't think you need to actually find what website he's been on, it's irrelevant.

[AgentJohnson]

At some point you are going to have to stop hiding in a relationship that is harming your MH. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is no way to live.

[Itsallgonewoowoo]

I remember the two hour phone fix/massage parlour thread. Yep, he visited her, he likes paying women for services, he won't change, it's what he likes.

[Helpmesolvethisahh]

Thanks for all of the advice.. it’s nice to see women who have went through this and have ended things and are now happy

I’ve read every message and will read them abit better later (currently homeschooling a 6 year old, ahh)

[astrogirl99]

OP forget him- you need to figure out why you think you deserve somebody who betrayed you.

No one should be in a relationship like this... there are far better men out there.

Xx

[mamato3lads]

Fucking hell

I remember these days...checking every single internet history item and driving myself mad.

It's likely spam in his gmail account. Has he got a gmail account you know about ? If he has, get in there and take a look.

Honestly though if he has form for this, it will eat away and destroy you.

Regardless of how much digging you do and what you find, he will have an answer, an excuse, a lie all lined up.

[Helpmesolvethisahh]

He told me he has a gmail account that he only uses for work.. his main email address is hotmail.

When I look on his gmail he has no emails.. so if it’s for work then surely there would be an email on it?

We have barely spoken today and he looks like shit after only sleeping 5 hours after another vodka binge.. yuk

[GingerBeverage]

There's literally nothing you have said about him that makes him sound at all desirable as a partner except for his salary.
You're not paranoid. You're in a bad relationship with a drunken, lazy, lying cheat and you can choose to leave and be happy without him.

[mamato3lads]

@Helpmesolvethisahh

You know he's lying. You'll drive yourself totally mad trying to figure all this out.

If he didn't have previous form i would say talk to him, find out more, put your mind at ease. Can't say that though as he DOES have form and so you are rightly suspicious and have fallen into that soul destroying trap of checking his internet history for clues. I spent months in that dark place.

Sending you strength

[GilbertMarkham]

he looks like shit after only sleeping 5 hours after another vodka binge.. yuk

The drinking alone would be reason to get rid of him.

Also he sounds like he might have an addictive sort of personality, you don't spunk (literally) two grand on cam girls if you don't.

Addictive personalities don't make for good partners esp if the compulsions are toward sex and alcohol, rather than eg exercise/sports.

[SliAnCroix]

You can only try for one. You can only be reasonable for one. Respectful for one. Faithful for one.

You cant make a relationship work on your own so dont feel guilty.


Im sure all of those times where it looked l8ke the couple werent trying hard enough, there was at least one not trying at all.

[incognitomum]

I agree he sounds like he has an addictive personality.

Really feel for you OP. I hope you find the strength to escape.

[chockaholic72]

I’m on gmail and I’m getting spammed by some kind of UK SHAG site at the moment. It’s relentless and I have no idea where it’s coming from. I’m single and have never clicked on anything remotely like that to set my cookies off.

[Lockdownhair]

Well for those who say you get ads targeted at you for what you look at online: I keep receiving email ads into my personals section of my Gmail for Shag dating website. I have never looked at a dating website in my life! It looks like spam to me.

[EKGEMS]

Please tell me you are using condoms after the Thai massage fiasco? Have you been checked for any STI?

[Helpmesolvethisahh]

Ok, looks like this SHAG website is just a scam pop up thing going round. I can only hope he has clicked on it by mistake.

@EKGEMS yes have always used condoms on the rare occasions we have sex. I haven’t been checked for an STI, it is on my to do list, I’m just abit embarrassed about going to a clinic but I will get it done I’m the next couple of months

[BackseatCookers]

Don't keep putting off having an STI text.

sh24.org.uk

Free, you can do it at home and they text you your results. No excuse not to!

It's so important and tbh from what you've said about your other half he could have been up to anything unprotected. He sounds like the kind of bloke who would say "it just happened" and they are the not the kind of blokes who always insist on using protection.

[Helpmesolvethisahh]

@BackseatCookers .. I’m in Scotland so unfortunately we don’t have that, I looked into that before