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Relationships

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Original poster

How much should he pay for DS?

46 replies

littlelost7 · 30/04/2020 14:31

Planning on breaking up with DP and we have a 1 year old son together. How much should he be paying monthly for him? Should he be contributing to rent?

He earns well and as far as I know he’s happy to contribute. He will be seeing him weekly. So just wondering what is a reasonable amount for him to pay?

OP posts:

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/04/2020 14:32

Use the cms calculator. How many nights will he have him overnight?

ShambalaHambala · 30/04/2020 14:51

This depends on so many things. How many nights does child stay at his? What does be earn? How old is the child? Does he have anymore children? Go through CMS and they will account for all of these things and it will be enforceable if he doesn't pay.

PumpkinP · 30/04/2020 14:58

Use the calculator, it’s different for every one as It depends on what he earns, how many night he has him etc

category12 · 30/04/2020 15:40

www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Original poster

littlelost7 · 30/04/2020 15:49

We were planning on one night a week and every other weekend once he’s older.
This is both our only child he runs his own business and takes home well over 7k a month I earn well myself but thought it would be better to come to a personal agreement rather than what would be suggested by gov.

OP posts:

Sunshineandflipflops · 30/04/2020 15:50

Well there will be what he HAS to pay, which will be the minimum based on his earnings and other things mentioned above, and what he is willing to pay.

My ex pays me more then the CM calculator would say because he can afford to and because he wants to do right by me and our children (our family broke down due to an affair so that might make a difference). I wouldn't be able to keep the kids in our (modest) family home if he didn't as even though I work, I couldn't afford the mortgage and bills on the basic CM allowance and my salary.

Original poster

littlelost7 · 30/04/2020 15:55

He had an affair yes. And also will need to find childcare soon so I believe he should pay half of this if not all so I can work and also contribute to keeping a roof over his child’s head. Thank you for the suggestions

OP posts:

category12 · 30/04/2020 15:55

Well, use the Child support calculator as a baseline and negotiate from there.

timetest · 30/04/2020 16:04

Use the cms calculator as a minimum. If you can, ask for half of childcare costs and all future education costs.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/04/2020 16:04

A quick looks shows he should probably pay around £630 per month.
But that is it!!!
You don't get that, plus rent, plus childcare etc.....
Unfair? YEP!
If he's prepared to pay more then great, which he should but he doesn't have to!

MarieG10 · 30/04/2020 16:12

@timetest

Why is that unfair?

Starlightstarbright1 · 30/04/2020 16:20

The cms is the legal minimum - includes all expenses- you absolutely want to avoid the cms if possible self employed are notorious for avoiding.

The half childcare is not a requirement so will depend if he agrees

Original poster

littlelost7 · 30/04/2020 16:20

Thank you @hellsbellsmelons Unfair yes although I think he will agree to more for now but I don’t think that will last very long.

I didn’t sign up to be a single parent he made it this way so I don’t see why more of the financial pressure should be on me whilst I’m also raising our son. That’s life I guess.

OP posts:

ProfChaos · 30/04/2020 16:21

I think you should go through CMS.

Original poster

littlelost7 · 30/04/2020 16:23

@Starlightstarbright1 Yes I’ve been reading into this so this is now a worry. I will definitely avoid cms and try to keep things civil, I don’t want to ask for too much but at the same time don’t want to left with all of the pressures.

OP posts:

Quarantina · 30/04/2020 16:30

If he's willing to pay more than the legal minimum i don't think it makes much sense to go through the CMS, especially when dealing with a self employed NRP.

I'd say negotiate with him and try to come to a private agreement for now. If in the future his earnings rise significantly and he attempts to pay less than the minimum or he's unreliable/withholds payments then I'd involve the CMS at that point.

Loveabitofrain · 30/04/2020 16:35

To just add he may have to pay you spousal maintenance too but it will depend on what each of you earn etc. If possible come to a mutual agreement. Or try mediation. Best of luck x

MarieG10 · 30/04/2020 17:20

Spousal maintenance is incredible rare...would have to be a big earner

Love the double standards about how unfair it is CMS only but then get threads from high earning women moaning how they have been stripped.

Why do people think 50/50 parenting is becoming so popular? Maybe as both parents genuinely want it but usually more about the financial settlement...and I see on here women deliberately trying to get maximum care time to influence their settlement

pog100 · 30/04/2020 17:32

Spousal maintenance is certainly rare and is non-existent if he isn't a spouse and OP called him DP not DH. I do think £7,000 take home qualifies as a big earner though? Or maybe I'm out of touch.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 30/04/2020 17:36

Personal agreement I would said 1.5k a month. CMS will be much lower.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/04/2020 17:40

The person who needs the childcare pays for it. So if you want him to pay for childcare then he should be taking dc overnight midweek to, then using the childcare required and paying for it.

Soontobe60 · 30/04/2020 17:43

It's disappointing that you think your child should only see his father one night a week. Your child has two parents, and as such should see them both equally.
If your ex wishes to apply for 50/50 care, he may well get it. In which case you will get no money off him. Him having an affair has nothing to do with how much he should pay or how often he gets to see his child.
If you choose to work, you will be expected to pay for childcare when your child is with you.
I think your expectations may well not be met.

ActuallyItsEugene · 30/04/2020 18:01

I think, from what you're expecting, you're best off avoiding CMS.
He doesn't need to pay anything above the minimum that's calculated. Certainly not for rent or childcare that you need to work.

He may (and is well within his rights to) apply for 50/50 and in that case you'll be entitled to nothing.

NamechangeOnceMore · 30/04/2020 18:04

If he's a partner, not a husband, there will be no spousal maintenance. I would use the CMS calculator as a guide but, as he's self-employed, if you insist on involving CMS and your ex feels the sums are too high he may choose to reduce his working hours or restructure his finances in some way to minimise his CMS liability. If the amount he offers seems fair and is close to CMS I'd accept that rather than insist on exactly CMS and risk him finding a way of paying nothing.

I agree with @soontobe60 that one night a week isn't much, and I agree that if he takes you to court asking for more contact he may well get it. I also agree the affair is irrelevant.

You would have had more legal protection if you had married. I would never have had a child outside of marriage, particularly with a high earner.

LovingLola · 30/04/2020 18:06

Are you working or still on maternity leave?

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