How much should he pay for DS?

[littlelost7]

Planning on breaking up with DP and we have a 1 year old son together. How much should he be paying monthly for him? Should he be contributing to rent?

He earns well and as far as I know he’s happy to contribute. He will be seeing him weekly. So just wondering what is a reasonable amount for him to pay?

Were you married? Mortgage?

He works ridiculous hours so 50/50 would never be an option. We have already discussed this and this is what he says works for him. I would never deny him seeing his son if he wanted more access. 50/50 would work better for me but that isn’t an option because of his job. This isn’t about taking his money, it’s about being fair.

I’m also self employed and I still need to work to support myself and my son. I’m looking after him so he can work at the moment so I think it’s only fair that he pays half of the childcare costs when I’m working full time again.

CMS sets a limit on maximum earnings so even if he earned millions CMS only assess up to an amount, think its 3k per week.

Have you worked out your costs going forward? Will you get childcare benefits?
Work out a budget and see what you might need. Is he being conciliatory?

Ideally if you agree an amount then get it into a consent order as this ensures the payments are guaranteed. It can also be used to help with getting a mortgage for some banks.
A solicitor will help with this.

Reality however is that the main carer does suffer financially. CMS is less than 10% so the none resident parent has 90%.You could seek legal advice if your Ex is not being reasonable but try for an amicable approach first.

No mortgage thank god. We was planning on buying together this year.

I would be happy with 1k a month from working out childcare and other costs.

@littlelost7 This isn't about fairness. It's about what is realistic. He is obliged to give you CMS. You can want more all you like, but that doesn't mean he has to give it to you. If he has a new partner he may want to pay you the minimum he has to so he can enjoy a nice lifestyle with her.

You might be entitled to help with childcare costs, and UC, depending your earnings, OP.

www.entitledto.co.uk

@NamechangeOnceMore I get that but we have both said we don’t want to involve cms. He earns enough to pay what is fair, some months he can even take home 10k. As I said I think he will be ok with this for a while but I’m sure he will soon meet another women and his priorities will change.

I just wanted to know what others thought was reasonable.

@littlelost7 So what's the issue? You've said you'd be happy with £1k. Has he agreed to pay that? What does he want to pay?

We haven’t discussed an amount yet, I just wanted to find out what others thought was reasonable first.

Just be aware op not be reliant on that money especially if hes self employed and it's an private agreement.

It's impossible to say because people's circumstances are so different.

Well I would say more than £1k unless you earn very well. Surely he would want his child to have a similar standard of living to his own. So he brings home £7k, you bring home £3k he gives you £2k child lives in households with monthly incomes of £5k. Lots of dads don't even pay the CMS rate which is really low anyway. So I would see what you can get. As he's self employed and people can change their minds it be worth keeping that in mind and start with a very generous figure. Then if at a later date he does change it down it doesn't leave you struggling to pay the bills. My dad left my mum and he was always super generous with maintenance, not all of them like to pay as little as possible. £2k might seem a lot, but it's not if you consider the costs of full-time childcare for a one year old.

It doesn't cost £1000 a month for a child. That is unless part of that is a contribution to child care if you work full time

It also depends on any other things he pays for. I would be clear if you look for that amount that you are c,ear what it covers, ie so when your child goes to school childcare decreases but you might need summer holiday care. Clearly you should be calculating it proportionately but it sounds like he will have relatively little days where he has care

My daughters father pays me £29 a week. It’s shockingly low. He gets around it because he’s an entertainer and doesn’t have a reliable wage but he lives in his girlfriends family home paying no rent or bills or board. When I see figures like others are getting from their dc’s fathers I feel so cross!!

OP, if you would be happy with £1k a month, ask for that. The worst he can do is say no, at which point you can negotiate (but the most you can oblige him to pay is CMS). I wouldn't ask for more than you think you reasonably need, as there is a risk your ex will become resentful and think you are taking the piss, which would make him less likely to give you more than CMS.

You may want 1k, but the reality nay be different.
He is self employed and a high earner?
Probably takes most of his salary in dividends and declares a minimum income to the taxman...not illegal.
My ex was a high earner, we had 2 children, I was receiving around £425 through the CMS for both so good luck with that.
If this is how he pays himself make sure you ask the CMS to take his dividends in to account.
8 years ago through the courts I was awarded life time spousal maintenance, be careful as it turns out to be a ball and chain. After many years of battling though the courts I managed to the amount capitalized to get a clean break. You can calculate what you might be entitled to from the Duxbury table depending how long your marriage was.
Good luck.

I get £24.50 a month through cms 😂😂 bit of karma now he is furloughed after declaring he does not earn alot his whole adult life 😂

Mine was told to pay £100 a month about 4 years after getting employed by someone else so he quit before they could take the money 😂😂 I was angry 12 years ago now it's just like 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈🙄

I don’t get a penny from my ex. Nothing at all. He’s managed to get off without paying anything

I don't get anything either.