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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Fiancé as ended things and now we stuck in lockdown together

32 replies

Tammyk83 · 29/04/2020 18:53

So my partner/fiancé of 8 years as decided that he wants to get his own place and move on.

He as 5 children I have 2 we have daughters who are the same age and literally hate each other. His daughter as ADHD and had caused a lot of problems for my daughter. The things she has done against my daughter are horrific but due to her “problems” they get brushed under the carpet. This as been goin on for years so for the last 12 months my daughter blocked his daughter and refuses to talk to her and because she as done this he is using it as an excuse to leave, he says my daughter should accept the things she as done to her and ignore it due to her problems! I said no she shouldn’t accept it and this is why she behaves the way she does because there’s always an excuse. He is currently ignoring and refusing to talk to my daughter as she doesn’t talk to his. Which I find childish and petty!

Am I being the asshole or is he?

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 29/04/2020 18:56

If he's living in your house he bloody well needs to be civil towards everyone, including your daughter.

If he's not, tell him to leave.

Pizzalover83 · 29/04/2020 19:01

He not the kind of person to listen to what I’ve got to say he thinks he always right and nothing is ever his or his owns fault..

He knows full well his daughter is a lying trouble maker she as done nothing but cause us problems and lied for 8 years. He just not willing to accept that it’s any fault of hers.

opticaldelusion · 29/04/2020 19:03

I've no idea what you need help with. That your fiance has ended your relationship or that he's not talking to your daughter?

If you're not together any more I don't see why you're squabbling about the minutiae of a relationship between two kids who are soon to have nothing to do with each other.

Who cares if the daughters don't get on if you've agreed to split up? If he's too childish to talk to her then tell them to keep out of each other's way until he can leave.

opticaldelusion · 29/04/2020 19:03

Name fail.

opticaldelusion · 29/04/2020 19:04

What does it matter?! Seriously. You're splitting up. Stop arguing about it and just agree some basic rules where you're civil to each other.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 29/04/2020 19:09

Your not supposed to name change mid thread

hellosunshine5 · 29/04/2020 19:12

I don’t think either one of you are the ‘asshole’ but it does sound like an incredibly toxic situation OP!

I think you need to go your separate ways ASAP, and in the meantime, come to some sort of agreement re civility in the house.

Ragwort · 29/04/2020 19:16

Why on earth have you been putting up with this ‘for years’. Sounds good that he is leaving.
What Is the situation re; your home, do you own/rent it together?

Surely you can’t want this man in your life when it causes so much grief to your own children?

MadeForThis · 29/04/2020 19:19

You should be leaving him. His daughter has bullied your daughter for 8 years. He doesn't acknowledge or deal with it.

Don't worry about him. Let him go. Look after your daughter.

AgentJohnson · 29/04/2020 19:25

Why so passive? His DD has behaved horrifically towards your DD for years, yet you left it to her (a 12 year old) to block contact?

Poppi89 · 29/04/2020 19:27

Is there nowhere else he can move to for now? His parents, friends etc? The quicker you live in separate homes, the better it will be for everyone.

If he has nowhere to go can you and your DCs go somewhere for the remainder of lockdown?

HappyHammy · 29/04/2020 19:31

Do you rent or own. One of you needs to move out. You need to protect your own children, is their dad in the picture?

Popcat120 · 29/04/2020 19:32

Can you not say has instead of as.... 😂

carly2803 · 29/04/2020 19:45

whos house?

if yours - tell him to get out

carly2803 · 29/04/2020 19:45

whos house?

if yours - tell him to get out

volatility · 29/04/2020 20:04

Is it your house?

category12 · 29/04/2020 21:46

You're not stuck together - one of you can move out. Covid restrictions don't force you to stay together.

It's probably for the best if your children don't get on and there's such friction.

Opentooffers · 29/04/2020 22:11

I'm wondering for how long you have put your needs for this man ahead of your DD's happiness? His daughter has caused lots of trouble for your daughter, he's done nothing about it, I do hope you have not made your DD have to put up with this for years, because that would be wrong on your part. Ask him to leave, covid is not a reason to stay put.

Opentooffers · 29/04/2020 22:17

Hang on, just reread and basically you have said that his DD has done horrific things to your DD for years!!!!! And you have let that happen!! And your problem as you see it is that finally he wants to go!! I dispair at the lack of protection you have given your child, just so you could try and keep an arse of a man..what is wrong with you?

HollowTalk · 29/04/2020 22:19

Does he live in your house? Whose name is on the rent or mortgage? Do his kids live with you all the time or with their mum?

If there is anywhere at all that he could live, I'd tell him to go there.

Susanna85 · 29/04/2020 22:35

You don't have to stay where you are you or he can move, if you can sort somewhere to go. Don't subject your DD to any more of his silliness, it could be quite scaring.

copycopypaste · 29/04/2020 22:43

Hopefully the house is in your name. If it is I'd suggest telling him to leave now. His behaviour will only ramp up and your dd will get caught up in it all as it seems he blames her, and will do so more now he knows there's nothing to gain by being nice (not that he ever was by the sounds of things)

If he refuses to go ring the police

SandyY2K · 30/04/2020 07:39

The relationship ending is the best outcome for all concerned.

AlwaysCheddar · 30/04/2020 07:51

Whose house are you living in? One party needs to go now.

Kittykat93 · 30/04/2020 07:54

Why are you stuck together? You do realise we can leave the house?? Get him to move out.

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