so who thinks i was in the wrong?

[nappyaddict]

ok so the deal is my friend really fancied this bloke. i didn't fancy him at all but then after i got to know him i realised i was starting to fall for him too. i didn't tell him or her although i did try to bring the subject up with her and make a few hints but she didn't catch on.

anyway last night we all went out and then went back to his. everyone was going to bed and he disappeared so i told my friend to go and find him. she wouldn't so i did and sort of never went back. we chatted for hours and he told me he'd liked me since the first time he met me which was about 2 months ago. he'd been told my friend liked him but he didn't like her.

now his friend who liked me and my friend have gone off in a strop and i'm really worried she's not going to talk to me ever again.

i know there's like some unwritten law that says you shouldn't go after anyone your mate likes, but it seemed a bit stupid to me that 2 people who really like one another are unhappy just to please 2 people who like them when neither of us likes them back.

a few people i've asked have been like omg i can't believe you did that but one has said you can't go through life just trying to please others. and that's the way i see it but it seems a little bit selfish.

i'm ready for all your opinions, just hit me with them!

carry on with him and see where it goes, but I don't think she'd thank you for trying to share the details, and I think making announcments like you're going on a date with him may possibly be taken the wrong way. But I don't know her, so that's something you should probably take your own councel on.

good luck!

From what I can tell about the dynamics of your group, going out with him in secret would not work, as his friend who liks you would tell your friend who likes him, and a big fall out would ensue! Can't you continue seeing each other in the group for say 4 weeks areed between you both, as friends, and see if your feelings grow as yu get to know each other even better? 4 weeks sisn't long in the grand scheme of things.

It would also give your friends a chance to casually see the two of you interacting, and get used to the idea you have hit it off. You could explain this to him - surely he is worried he has upset his friend too?

I hope you work it out and find happiness. For what it's worth I am 24 and am ashamed to say I have always focused on my relationships before my friendships, and with hindsight wish I had put more into my friendships. If your friend never acepts the two of you though I would question how much you mean to her. HTH

(KS - didn't realise how close in age you are to me (25) I agree with you btw although it's not what I did luckily things have worked out really well for me)

I am 25 on the 29th!

NA I am sure your friend will come round. Now I order you to spend the rest of the day daydreaming about him!

already spent most of the morning daydreaming about him lol.

i can see why telling her we are going on a date is like rubbing her nose in it but i'm scared we will, and someone will see us and it will get back to her. or even worse we will go out and see her somewhere.

going out in secret with him would work as long as i didn't go out with his group. no one in his group would probably casually say oh come along to such and such a place now cos it would be a bit awkward. so if i was to go R (the one i like) would have to ask me and then it would be obvious he had asked me cos something was maybe going on between us iyswim.

but i could just not go out with his group and only see him when he doesn't see them. but that would mean either me not seeing him very often or him not seeing his friends.

and i would still worry if we did that people would see us and we'd get accused of lying to people. is it not better to be honest. but how can i be honest without rubbing it in?

we didnt tell anyone for months and months when the dust had truely settled by the time we told everyone we were living together properly and they were all happy if not a bit suprised because we had spent so long denying it.