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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Found out BF has been meeting his ex girlfriend since june last year

40 replies

singlemumof1startingover · 29/04/2020 16:42

Yesterday i had a gut feeling to look at my partners emails, something ive never done before, he is very secretive with his phone always on it, i couldnt look at anything on it ever if i wanted to because he is so careful with it, not that i should need to.

I found 100's of emails between him and another woman who he claims is a client (he is an accountant) they have been meeting up for dinners restaurants, pubs, about 1 every other week, lots of lfirting on email, talking about thow drunk they got blah blah, now the dates correspond with when i started getting suspicious that his phone was always off on a wednesday evening when he told me he was going for dinner with a client but said it was a guy, it so happens these dates match him meeting this woman.
I confronted him yesterday and moved out of his house back to mine with my son, his reaction was nothing like before, quiet hardlly sad a word and looked at me in shock. This morning i started to read through some of the emails as i took pics on my phone and i realised its his ex girlfriend, i confronted him on the phone he said yes she is my ex girlfriend before you.
I feel completely devastated, not only was he meeting this woman since june last year but she is his ex girlfriend.
He sees no wrong in any of this and said im crazy with mental issues, he was simply talking business. But who meets there accountant on friday nights who is there ex girlfriend.

i will never know the truth if they were sleeping together but the emails are so flirty, i keep thinking this is just whats on email, i dread to think what it will be like if i saw messeges between them on his whatsapp or something.
im writing on here to seek some sort of clarification because he has made me feel crazy, am i stupid for leaving him and ending the relationship or is it all in my head.

to deal with through lockdown is just horrendous, i just got over my son having coronavirus and it was a really stressful scary time, i feel so heartbroken i cant stop crying :(

OP posts:

Techway · 29/04/2020 16:48

Good for you for moving out.

He should be dumped for gas lighting, calling you crazy, lying and obviously cheating.

It will hurt BUT your instincts were working for you. Don't weaken as he could try to hoover you back but you will never trust him again. You deserve better than this.

SandyY2K · 29/04/2020 16:50

You did the right thing in ending it. He was up to no good. It's even worse as he won't admit he did wrong.

Block him and don't look back.

Thingsdogetbetter · 29/04/2020 16:51

Accountants do regular business dinner and pub lunch meetings? Really?

Is his ex a multimillionaire? Cos no one without serious £ sees their accountant that much! And their accountant would be CEO of a huge firm.

He's totally talking bollock!! Don't let him gaslight you. He's a lying cheating wanker.

Dery · 29/04/2020 16:53

That must have been a terrible shock. No wonder you're feeling heartbroken. You absolutely did the right thing in ending it. As you say - who meets their ex-girlfriend on a Friday night to talk business. He was royally taking the piss. All power to you for making clear you're not going to be made a fool of and putting your boundaries and self-respect ahead of your feelings for him. You sound terrific!

Windyatthebeach · 29/04/2020 16:54

Congratulations on having such standards op!! Boils my piss all the threads about similar circumstances and twats being given chance number 300006...

To you op...

edwinbear · 29/04/2020 16:56

I work in sales, I cannot think of a single client I would need to meet on a weekly basis over the course of nearly a year. Sorry OP, you've done the right thing by moving out

ConnieDoodle · 29/04/2020 17:00

He sees no wrong in any of this and said im crazy with mental issues

I wanted to highlight this because I dont want you to forget what he did here. He tried to make out you had a mental health issue, when in fact he was cheating on you.

Youve done well to be so strong and decisive.

MsDogLady · 29/04/2020 17:06

You have not overreacted. He and his Ex are dating again. How predictable that this lying cheat is now shifting the blame to you. Don’t fall for it.

I hope your son is feeling much better.

Original poster

singlemumof1startingover · 29/04/2020 17:09

thank you so much for replying, made me cry reading these. I will never know the truth if anything sexual happened but my gut tells it did. He meet her in pub from 1pm until it closed, wednesdays evenings at the same restraunt every few weeks, they were even emailing when we were on holiday together with our kids, the thing is he goes out for clients dinners he is trying to win business with, but her business is small so he dosent need to, and the fact she is his ex girlfriend thats a big no from me, you dont go for dinner and spend the day out dirnking all day together to do bsuiness, thats a big line being crossed. He thinks im crazy becasue all he kept saying was show me proof in the emails ive done wrong, i said you have by meeting another woman behind my back for dinner who turns out to be your ex girlfriend. He kept saying show me proof its anything sexual, and kept repeating himself.

Its been a year and a half and we isolated togther and it went fantastic we even started lookking up a house to gether. Literally at the click of a finger and what i thought was going to be my fairy tale ended has gone, i feel absolutley devasted, i went to stop crying and i cant it just wont stop.

Ive blocked him on everything, as soon as he admitted she was the ex girlfriend, i knew that was it. he is blocked on everything, hie friends and family too, i dont want them contacting me sticking up for him xxx thank you for replying you have really given me some strenght

OP posts:

Candyfloss99 · 29/04/2020 17:12

Your are a strong independent woman who has done exactly the right thing. You will look back on this and be very proud of yourself.

FlaskMaster · 29/04/2020 17:17

He kept asking you for proof it was sexual????? Cheeky fucking bastard! If someone arrested you for murder would you be challenging them to "prove it was murder" or would you be saying you didn't do it. What a head fuck. Of course it was bloody sexual. They weren't swapping fucking cupcake recipes, they were dating (and shagging) behind your back. What a cunt. You're better off out, sorry it hurts right now, but he's a cheating, lying, gaslighting prick.

SpillTheTeaa · 29/04/2020 17:18

Oh what a little scumbag. How dare he say you have mental issues the little cheating weasel.

So you have proof but he wants you to prove to him it was flirty? Urgh. What a waste of space. You're well rid of him OP. Can't believe he is trying to pin this on you. Lowlife.

They probably were up to something but that's her problem now, not yours.

Stop crying and good on you for blocking him.
You had a very lucky escape

EKGEMS · 29/04/2020 18:55

What a pathetic excuse for a human being! I hope he gets audited by the British equivalent of the IRS! Bastard! Well done for leaving his lying,cheating ass! Best of luck-you deserve it!

NoMoreDickheads · 29/04/2020 20:43

said im crazy with mental issues

He needs to stay dumped if only for this. He kept quiet about who she was, and was flirting with her, so there's nothing mental at all about you thinking that's not ok and probably more was going on.

So sorry you're hurting. xxx Well done for blocking him, you've done the right thing. Stay strong and keep him blocked. x

BumbleBeee69 · 29/04/2020 20:50

I wanted to highlight this because I dont want you to forget what he did here. He tried to make out you had a mental health issue, when in fact he was cheating on you.

Youve done well to be so strong and decisive.

Agreeing with this completely.. OP I'm heart sorry for you but equally proud you did not fall for his manipulating...

MsDogLady · 29/04/2020 21:10

With this level of contact and so much deception, they are having an EA or PA. As it has been going on since June, I would assume PA. Either way, this is infidelity. He is taking you for a fool for expecting you to fall for his manipulations.

ConnieDoodle · 29/04/2020 21:13

thank you for replying you have really given me some strength

You were already strong.

Timeslikethese2020 · 29/04/2020 21:31

So why had he never told you?

RLEOM · 29/04/2020 21:31

Little shite, trying to turn it round on you like you're crazy. Whatever you do, don't get back with him. Please.

Thingsdogetbetter · 30/04/2020 18:06

My best friend's bf managed to do this to her. Convince her she was so paranoid she went on anxiety meds! Turns put she wasn't paranoid, he was cheating. Now he's managed to 'explain' it away and she's forgiven him. I haven't. The cheating i could deal with and supported her in continuing that relationship if that was her choice. The persuading her she had mh issues to protect his own ass- wanker!! I've told her I will be civil and 'friendly' to him as long as she's with him, but when she decided enough is enough I'm all in for helping her leave.

I can't think of anything nastier than letting someone get to the stage of questioning their own mh (while pretending to be supportive) rather than face the consequences of your own actions.

Well done OP for having faith in yourself and not allowing his bollock to persuade you from what is obviously true - he's a lying cheat. This isn't a criminal court. You don't need proof, just knowledge and trust in yourself and your own common sense.

brassbrass · 30/04/2020 18:16

You're not crazy. You did the right thing moving out.

It doesn't matter what happened between them he lied to you about meeting her for a year. Deal breaker.

Sorry you're raw and hurting now but you will be better off in the long run.

BumbleBeee69 · 30/04/2020 19:11

Thingsdogetbetter

christ that is awful... yes stay close to her .. he'll loathe that.. and try to isolate her..

Lilycat66 · 30/04/2020 19:20

Why are some men so awful ... I found emails from my ex to another man and they had been swapping pictures of me and his wife ... how disgusting was that !!! And he said I over reacted !! I’m glad I found them my life has been so much better without him and so will yours ,be strong .. they are so not worth the heartache and tears xx

Wanderlust21 · 30/04/2020 19:23

He's a fucker. And he was gaslighting you. You have every right to feel hurt by what he did.

Good on you for leaving!
Keep him blocked on everything.
Dont be manipulated or let others manipulate you on his behalf.

Onwards and upwards!

beenwhereyouare · 30/04/2020 19:44

I so sorry this has happened to you he has done this to you. I'd tell him "It IS wrong, It IS lying, it IS cheating, and I DON'T have to show you anything!" And then block him again.

And please don't forget an STI check.

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