Found out BF has been meeting his ex girlfriend since june last year

[singlemumof1startingover]

Yesterday i had a gut feeling to look at my partners emails, something ive never done before, he is very secretive with his phone always on it, i couldnt look at anything on it ever if i wanted to because he is so careful with it, not that i should need to.

I found 100's of emails between him and another woman who he claims is a client (he is an accountant) they have been meeting up for dinners restaurants, pubs, about 1 every other week, lots of lfirting on email, talking about thow drunk they got blah blah, now the dates correspond with when i started getting suspicious that his phone was always off on a wednesday evening when he told me he was going for dinner with a client but said it was a guy, it so happens these dates match him meeting this woman.
I confronted him yesterday and moved out of his house back to mine with my son, his reaction was nothing like before, quiet hardlly sad a word and looked at me in shock. This morning i started to read through some of the emails as i took pics on my phone and i realised its his ex girlfriend, i confronted him on the phone he said yes she is my ex girlfriend before you.
I feel completely devastated, not only was he meeting this woman since june last year but she is his ex girlfriend.
He sees no wrong in any of this and said im crazy with mental issues, he was simply talking business. But who meets there accountant on friday nights who is there ex girlfriend.

i will never know the truth if they were sleeping together but the emails are so flirty, i keep thinking this is just whats on email, i dread to think what it will be like if i saw messeges between them on his whatsapp or something.
im writing on here to seek some sort of clarification because he has made me feel crazy, am i stupid for leaving him and ending the relationship or is it all in my head.

to deal with through lockdown is just horrendous, i just got over my son having coronavirus and it was a really stressful scary time, i feel so heartbroken i cant stop crying :(

He was lying and cheating and quite blatantly. You've done the right thing however hard it feels and however lost you feel. In a few months time you will see this more clearly, for now you need to be strong and get support from friends and family

Business? every week in the pub for 10 hours? aye ok 🙄
If it was all innocent why did he lie?
You’re well rid, good on you walking away makes a nice change from the posters who wring their hands for the umpteenth time whilst he tramples over her.

Well done on being brave enough to stick to your standards! Please don't give him any more headspace.

How dare he keep demanding you show him proof! You don't need to 'prove' he's done anything sexual. It's enough that he didn't meet the standards you require in a partner. Which includes not lying to you about the 'guy' he was meeting.

He should be dumped for being a dickhead - and his reaction to being dumped says it all. Please don't waste any more tears over him. He is absolutely not worth it.

He must be a pretty shit accountant if he has 10 hour meetings in a restaurant with a very low-earning business owner. How on earth would he justify that? Is he employed by a business?

He's obviously lying, OP. You've done absolutely the right thing - you've been really strong.

Well done on getting rid of this lying cheating scumbag.

I’ve run my own business for 20 years and have had various accountants and lawyers over that time.

I’ve NEVER met any of them in the pub or gone for dinner. We might (about once a year ) be at the same trade conference/ large event and therefore eat dinner in the same place , along with 100 other people.

There is zero conversation about anything apart from work, expect minor social pleasantries. My accountant has kids at the same stage in school so I might ask how they are getting on with exam prep / ask the solicitor about football because we support the same team etc.

We don’t talk about being drunk or flirt. We exchange work emails on work email accounts. Until recently I’ve only ever called them at the office, unless they say to call on them their mobile.

It’s business like.

Accountants charge by the hour and they are very expensive. No one spends any more time with their accountant than they have to.

His story is a complete and utter load of shite, ex or no ex.

You were right not to believe him and to act so decisively. He’s a cheating gaslighting bastard.

It doesn't matter if he was sleeping with her (he probably was). He is lying and hiding and denying meeting her illicitly. He's not recognising the seriousness of the situation and is turning the tables on you. He will just lie and lie like a child caught with his hands in the cookie jar. He's not worth a moment more of your time. He's weak and cheap and nasty.

Clearly he’s not very good at thinking on his feet. That’s some obvious shit he came out with,he’s not going out and talking business you know this.

Look you know now op, he’s being conducting a secret relationship with his ex for nearly a year, why I don’t think any of us can say, but as it’s flirty then clearly it’s not innocent. He’s very obviously lying to you.

Even if they haven’t had sex, they clearly want to and there is an attraction. But going out spending that much time together, drinking flirting, it’s likely it’s sexual, and would be very surprising if it wasn’t, they are basically dating or having an affair.

If it was innocent he’d have told you. He’d not have lied. I’m sorry, but I think you need to stay gone.

Please dont go back. This happened to me. He begged me to stay with him and I did because I loved him so much and the pain was unbearable. Then I spent the next 7 years not trusting him and it ate away at my confidence. We got married, had a son and by the time those 7 years had passed, he left me for someone else whom he'd been having an affair with for a year. I only found out because of my own detective work, he never admitted to it. Gaslighting is so unbelievably cruel and does a lot of damage. I'm happy to say that now, after 3.5 years, I am in a much better place and relieved to not have my ex as a partner anymore. I was constantly on edge and hardly slept. Makes me shudder just thinking about it. I hope you feel better soon OP. Be strong X

The turning it around and calling you mental even when proof is put in front of him, is the largest reddest flag for abuse I have seen on MN for a long time. However I feel that he is a master manipulater so if their is some part of you that is thinking of going back for the love of God please please ask that he cuts all ties and block her every where and implement an open phone policy. These are absolute basics when it comes to developing trust. Basics. If he won't agree and you are absolutely wasting your time.

I'm sure he would be fine with it if you had been meeting an ex of yours in restaurants and pubs weekly, exchanged hundreds of flirty emails and had hidden it from him...
No need to for you to prove anything. He has proved you can't trust him. He's not relationship material.
Good on you OP for gathering yourself together so quickly and walking away.

He kept asking you for proof it was sexual

Like that has to be your reason to dump his ass.

Well done OP. I sometimes despair about the shit I read in here, but you have been strong and brilliant. When you get through this you can feel proud of your strength

Kudos to you OP for maintaining strong boundaries when the easy thing would have been to stay. That shows a strong belief and confidence in yourself and although it hurts like hell, be proud. You protected you and your son 💐

Great that you've blocked him.

He knows full well how much bullshit he was talking - and the 'you're mental' line is one of the oldest in the book. Basically, your 'reply' - to simply block him - that's it, I have no interest in hearing another word from you, you waste of space - is the best last word you could have. And he knows it. No, you're not 'mental' - you've heard his bullshit and you have literally deleted him. Don't feel that he's 'won' anything here - he knows full well you saw through the crap and YOU walked away.

His family will be the same, you know - they might ooh and ahh their sympathy with him, but they'll be rolling their eyes behind his back and will be thinking exactly the same as you.

Because it's bloody obvious. Cheaty cheat, better cover your tracks better next time. Hope you now have a looong lonely lockdown thinking about what you've lost.

Don't ever be tempted to unblock him to have your say. You've had the best say you could ever have - to talk away without a further word.

Ah the good old "you're mental" line. Funny they don't point it out until they've been caught essentially dating their ex girlfriend isn't it? Ffs. Massive well done for acting decisively and getting rid!!!