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Original poster

Upto something?

39 replies

peach1234 · 28/04/2020 08:24

So a few years ago I caught my (now) husband messaging other women, we were going through a bit of a bad patch so I forgave him but I've always had it in the back of my mind and he's always been very private/protective of his phone since but I put this down to me having gone through his phone previously...
so fast forward to this morning, he's got a spare laptop from work that he just uses in the evenings and I asked if I could have the password so I could use it from time to time, he gave me the password but then said oh I need to just close my game and actually I'll just set you up your own log in, I've gone onto the laptop now and gone to log in as him rather than my new log in he set up and he's also changed his password... I feel physically sick as I know he's hiding something but what do I do? Ask him? Or do I need to see if I can find anything else first? Sad

OP posts:
Greenkit · 28/04/2020 09:04

Check his phone

boomchikawowwow · 28/04/2020 09:06

See if you can find any more out first before asking him. If you ask him now he's going to deny anything.

Original poster
peach1234 · 28/04/2020 09:14

He has a passcode on his phone and I don't know what it is and he's always got it on him so I don't know how I would be able to check??

OP posts:
boomchikawowwow · 28/04/2020 09:20

Would the password he used to have on his laptop be that same as what he has on his phone?

Original poster
peach1234 · 28/04/2020 09:24

The one on the laptop is 4 digits and phone is 6? I just tried his work laptop with that password and it didn't work either!

OP posts:
Cityonlockdown · 28/04/2020 09:26

Would it be your 6 digit landline number? Or D.O.B 01/01/80?

Prob too obvious?

Original poster
peach1234 · 28/04/2020 09:36

I guess I could try and get hold of it and guess it or try and see when he types it in Confused I was thinking of just saying why did you change your password on your laptop/why were you so weird about it and see what he says? If he just makes an excuse tell him to show me?

OP posts:
category12 · 28/04/2020 09:39

That's the best option. If he's got nothing to hide, he can show you, can't he?

If he gets stroppy, remind him gently that he's the one acting weird.

My ex threatened to throw his phone out the window to try to shut me up once.

You do realise when it's gone as far as this, your relationship is probably fucked anyway?

Original poster
peach1234 · 28/04/2020 09:45
Sad
OP posts:
Original poster
peach1234 · 28/04/2020 09:47

Sorry posted too quickly, thing is I wasn't even being suspicious and checking up on him I genuinely asked about the laptop and the way he made such a deal out of it made me suspicious, he was happy enough setting me up on it not stroppy at all but made such a big deal of being like oh I'll sort it out for you bla bla then I checked and he'd changed his password, he said he was giving me another log in as he always has work stuff open.. if that's the case why change your password??

OP posts:
LiteraryType · 28/04/2020 09:53

This is suspicious behaviour and he now has time to delete stuff. Do you want to know? If so you need to get him to give you the passcodes for the laptop and the phone. If he has nothing to hide then why would that be a problem? Messages can be sent & rec'd through games too btw. x

Lambster · 28/04/2020 09:55

It does sound suspicious, but it could be something like he doesn't want you to check his history (porn watching..) rather than full blown cheating.

Has he given you any other reason to feel suspicious?

DrMorbius · 28/04/2020 09:56

I don't understand phone mentality, even my DC's know my passcodes. DW and I use each others phones all the time.

I would ask for his passwords, they shouldn't be a secret to you. What happens if you need to use his phone in an emergency or to contact his friends/family.

Original poster
peach1234 · 28/04/2020 10:19

I did think porn but then wouldn't you just delete your history? But then you could do that for anything I guess? I just don't understand the password change.

I'm exactly the same with my phone, I'm pretty sure he knows my passcode, it's not hard to guess and I've always had the same one! And I leave my phone lying around all the time. He's always been like it with his phone though so I just accepted that's just his possession and how he treats it but the laptop thing just makes me rethink everything

OP posts:
LemonTT · 28/04/2020 10:35

My first thought is that he shouldn’t share his work laptop with you at all. I couldn’t do that and neither could anyone I know. I’m not even sure work laptops are set up to allow access for other people. Some things are private and confidential. That’s not negotiable with work stuff. He was daft to offer it.

I wouldn’t allow anyone access to my emails or messages. That’s because they are private to me and the people I correspond with. I would share a computer but establish a separate access to stop them seeing my emails or messages.

At the end of the day you know he is a cheater. Not someone who had an affair and left. But someone who is willing to have an affair for the sake of it. Knowing that you stayed with him.

He won’t change because you can get on his computer or his phone.

Original poster
peach1234 · 28/04/2020 10:47

It's not a "work laptop" he uses the laptop for work, he owns his own business so it is his laptop

OP posts:
nahnonever · 28/04/2020 11:04

I would guess porn, and he hasn't cleared his history because he didn't expect you to use it.

copycopypaste · 28/04/2020 11:09

Porn or talking to women, anything you need to hide to such an extent of setting up individual log on ids and changing passwords is him trying to mislead you and not a great base for a relationship.

category12 · 28/04/2020 11:14

I would think he's never stopped the messaging of other women personally. He's got form for it. Unless you're Mary Whitehouse vociferous against porn, why would he hide porn use?

mamato3lads · 28/04/2020 15:28

Whatever it was that was on there it's something he definitely did not want you to see.

Morgan12 · 28/04/2020 15:37

What football team does he support?

Original poster
peach1234 · 28/04/2020 15:42

Why'd you ask?Hmm

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 28/04/2020 15:44

I'd install key logging software. You'll find out what he's been typing, and you'll have your answer.

However.... You know this isn't normal. You know he's hiding something. Once the trust has gone, it's gone and you don't actually need proof to ask him to leave. The fact that you have no trust is enough.

Rcats1 · 28/04/2020 15:46

Confront him. I found messages on bfs phone and confronted him the same day.
Just ask why he changed the password as now its making you feel like he's up to something and hiding something.
That's what Id do.. But then again I'm having my own personal mare with suspicious texts on my bfs phone lol.. I know his password though.

Morgan12 · 28/04/2020 15:54

@peach1234 sorry should have explained.

My DH passcode to everything is the year that his football team won the European cup. Some clubs have very significant dates. He may use one of them.

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