Should I contact him..

[Chubbycheeksblue]

A bit of background.
Met a guy online a few weeks before the lockdown. He’s a widower and has 2 teenage daughters.
Before we met I said I wasn’t sure it was worth it as our matching child free time was very little. Anyway he said he still wanted to meet. Went for a few drinks and dinner - I didn’t feel any attraction but we got on ok. He was very unlike others I seen before, no move to kiss goodnight, etc.
We agreed to keep in touch through the lockdown but his started to get quite needy with his texts - ie if I didn’t reply within a few minutes, saying he needed a chat as he felt down, taking offence when I was going to call someone else. This all made me pull back with the texts and not even want to speak to him on the phone!
This in turn made him text more about it and I said I was happy to keep in touch if he could cope with me not always replying straight away.
This continued for a couple of weeks and we kept in touch and he stopped being pushy and it was nice. Then a few days ago he started complaining that I sometimes took hours to reply. He also said he’d been online to suspend his dating profile and noticed I was online. Id only been going on infrequently and felt a bit sad to see him online a few weeks ago and several times since.
I was really annoyed that he was questioning me on sometime he was doing himself and texted to tell him. He said he was there as he didn’t know where he stood, I took a long time to reply, etc. I haven’t replied - this was a few days ago.
I’m now wondering if I was a bit unfair as he’s probably just lonely and thinking maybe I should text back. But it really riles me that he was doing something he was calling me on. Any thoughts?

No. Just no - don't contact him. There was no spark, he was needy, sounded a little controlling in demanding you reply to him immediately, wants to be your priority. Move on, after lockdown obviously.

FUCK NO. The only thing you should do is block him, immediately. Can't you see all the red flags blazing right in your face? He's a controlling, suffocating nightmare who would only get worse.

I think you should reply to say you aren't interested because it's mean to leave someone dangling but I would run a mile from someone like this after one date.

Jesus. Very needy for someone you barely know! Hard work before it's even begun. I would finish it with him.

Well, I think the first two replies are harsh. He's a widower with teenagers. How long since his wife died? Has he dated before it is this his first dip of a toe back into the dating pool?

I think it's probably not what you're looking for, for a relationship, but you said you liked him, so 🤷🏻‍♀️ He might just turn into a good friend

What's your gut telling you? About what he's like when you're together? Not so much the texts etc

His wife died 2 years ago. He’s had one relationship since.fkr about 5 months.

You don't owe him anything, you had one date.
I would let it go, maybe text to say it's not working for you and cut contact.

I would let him know you're not interested so he can't say he doesn't know where he stands and leave it there.

He doesn't seem to respect your boundaries much, pushing to meet when you'd said it seemed difficult logistically for you and being quite needy and demanding plus a bit of a hypocrite regarding going online.

Don't let him push his way under your skin if you weren't attracted to him when you met. He doesn't have any claims on your time or energy and I think it would be a waste of both to be his hand holder during lockdown.

Not saying he's a monster but his actions don't seem terribly fun or attractive after one date.

Thank for the replies. Sorry maybe I didn’t make it clear. It wasn’t just one date. We met several times before the lockdown.

Doesn't matter, you're not comfortable with how he's contacting you and you're more important than someone you don't really know.

Thanks everyone

I decided to reply to him to say I had wanted to keep touch but didn’t like being pressured to reply, etc.
Also said that I’d planned to suspend my dating account after our last meeting but saw him online so decided against it. Said was sympathised with his situation but felt he wanted someone who put him first. I wished him good luck,

And this was his reply - no mention of him being on the dating site!!!
“Ok, if I could turn this on its head a bit. Firstly, you shouldn't be feeling pressurised into replying so that tells me something is wrong anyway. If we both like each other and the vibe is there it should
be more flowing and you would actually want to reply! However, I understand that we both lead busy lives so wasn't expecting an instant reply😊 I haven't got a problem with you talking to other people either! I'm not the possessive type, believe me. Goodness me, seems like you are holding a bit of a grudge there. I'm really not expecting anyone to put me ahead of every thing else either. You've got that completely wrong. I've got kids, you've got kids so etc so that is not going to happen. I think amongst other things ultimately we were defeated by the lock down. As I mentioned before...you are a nice girl so I wish you the best of luck finding someone you can get on better with.“

Now just leave it and move on I would. No need to reply

Urgh his reply makes him sound both needy AND manipulative. Do not reply to him, his message sounds quite final (though obviously he will be hoping you will reply cos all of a sudden he thinks he sounds reasonable)
At this stage you are not in a relationship with him and he has no right to comment on how long it takes you to reply etc.
You say you didn’t even feel any attraction and got on just ‘ok’. Why would you pursue anyone on that basis? I mean, I kind of understand people trying to keep things going with unsuitable people when there has been a huge attraction, but you don’t even find him attractive. In the nicest possible way, ask yourself do you specifically want him or just want a relationship?

We got on quite well to start with and I think I felt sorry for him due to his situation. I know that’s no basis for a relationship though. I’m usually much less tolerant!
I felt the same about his reply - ie manipulative.
I will definitely not be replying to him - lucky escape, I think.!

Urg what a dickhead.
He's completely turned it on you.
Block him and see it as a lucky escape.
He also called you a 'nice girl'. If I had a sick emoji I would use it!
Get rid.

Exactly! The “nice girl” thing made me cringe too 😩🤮
That’s just how I felt - that he’d turned it all round on me. Scary business, this online (or any!) dating..

Good luck OP. I think you dodged a bullet there. Can I ask what his age is and has he been like this with previous partners ?

Is he living with his teenage kids during the lockdown or is he in his own?

Urgh his reply makes him sound both needy AND manipulative.

Absolutely this.

Glad to hear you won't be replying again, well done OP

Some massive backpedalling on his part there, methinks. Bullet well dodged. ##

I've been doing online dating (not recently, of course), and there is definitely a species of guy who won't let you be the one to decide it's over. ##

For fun, check out Bye Felipe, on Instagram, I think it is.

Namechanged- yes he lives with his children all the time, his wife died.

Thanks for the “well dones”.
I’m still can’t quite believe his reply, well but can ,but urrgghh

yuck! How manipulative, having to have the last word and dispute your wishes. You're well out of it. I would block him.

Just block.

I think blocking people who act wrong in some way (and overly 'naggy' in any way is wrong) does the world a favour as they might realize what they're doing and knock it off.

Or you could give him one or two sentences in a message explaining why you're doing it, so he knows for the sake of future women who have anything to do with him and might cut it out, then immediately block. He's been a pain in the arse and he's not really a friend. You don't owe him anything.